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(5 Posts)
aaron909 Wed 06-Jul-16 11:51:31

Hi all,

I hope you will humour me and my tale of woe - I need to talk, rationalise, cry and scream and I didn't know where else to go.

I am a man around 50 and have been with my current partner a very attractive and successful woman for the last 15 years or so. We have 2 great kids together and my role over the relationship has been more of the homemaker and managing the kids (12/15). I work but from home and although it pays well (I believe I have kept my end up) it can be occasionally intermittent. Sure I don't need to explain her but it can be tough managing the myriad daily issues with kids and trying to focus on work etc. Not to mention being a man and lacking the support that woman so often find...

We drifted a little, arguments about money, lack of intimacy. I turned to masturbating - probably too much. I also let myself go physically although it wasn't a disaster. We tried to talk but failed - too angry not constructive enough.

To cut to the chase I discovered at the end of April she had had an affair. She swears it was only a few meetings for sex but it is over. She refuses point blank to discuss or give me any details - her argument is that it is over and details will just lead to more questions and it is not useful or productive to go over it.

since then I have been seeing a hypnotherapist - who has helped me a great deal to start to look forward and rebuild my self esteem. I am fitter than I have been in 10 years, I am making differences every day. Yet every day I find my heart aches, tears come and I have no-one I can confide in or talk to.

I desperately want to rebuild our relationship but I am confused - am I a fool? She seems both distant on occasions, she holds back - I am not sure if she wants me or is afraid I will turn around and hurt her in some petty revenge. Is there something more hidden that I don't know? Yet she has also promised to work together for the next six months without either of us looking elsewhere to try and see what we both want.

I so much want to fix things but can't help pushing too hard too fast sometimes.

There is so much more but hey if anyone has any words of wisdom, a time machine or magic potion or just a hug...

Thanks for reading

Somerville Wed 06-Jul-16 11:54:09

It takes two to rebuild a relationship. And from what you say, she doesn't want to.

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Wed 06-Jul-16 11:57:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aaron909 Wed 06-Jul-16 13:02:10

You could both be right and maybe that is what I am trying to reconcile myself to or maybe she can't be or doesn't want to be what I want.

On the other hand she did tell me she loved me yesterday and she has tried to be available and to make time for us. We plan for the future together buying a house etc. but don't seem to be addressing the basics!

She is a workaholic by her own admission and is under massive pressure for her time and attention from all quarters work, her mum/sister etc.. She then prioritises what little is left for the kids and I end up being relegated to snippets before she falls asleep in my arms mid sentence when we go to bed.

Somehow I want to try and make some space for her to see clearly but am I just compromising myself and ultimately this is something she needs to do for herself. As I said, I feel confused and a bit lonely on this one...

TheNaze73 Wed 06-Jul-16 14:20:43

Kick her into touch OP, she's cheated on you once & could easily do it again. Do feel for you OP.

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