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found the prefect guy but

(9 Posts)
lost010 Wed 06-Jul-16 10:02:25

need advice.. I came out of a 8 month relationship were he didn't show me attention kept me at arms length I was so blinded by love I just expected it until 2 months before were i would say this anit right. he didn't like it so we broke up in February. i was broken i have a lil girl (2) and she looked at him like a daddy n i dont no if that hurt me more and why i let things go.about 2 months later I met this new guy . e is amazing he pays me attention wants me in his life dose anything for me . but every now n then I just sit down n think I don't want this . we been together 12 weeks clearly he is falling in love with me. I have told him in the past how I felt and we need to slow things down but yet again the last few days I had this feeling . I don't wanna lead him on or hurt him . so last night I ended it . we both crying I felt like a total bitch . he was still lovely more worried about me. all my past relationship of have had to chase the guys a little for attention with him he as opened his life to me .I miss him . y am I so messed up .I think I no what I want and then I don't 😕

RestlessTraveller Wed 06-Jul-16 11:43:22

If it's not right, it's not right, you did the right thing. However in my opinion 8 months is far too soon for your little girl to look at someone like a daddy.

iremembericod Wed 06-Jul-16 11:54:01

Sounds like you need to be single for a while, work out who you are and what you really want from a man.

I agree that 8 months is waaaay too soon for a child to be viewing random as Daddy. Perhaps you could do with examining your beliefs about single parentdom....are you at the bottom of this looking for a daddy for your child as you see that as socially acceptable/ what your child must have?

There's lots going on in your post but seems to me you've got some soul searching to be done and getting to know yourself before you launch into another relationship.

Being single and surviving on your own will be the most powerful thing you can do.

Resilience16 Wed 06-Jul-16 21:32:54

You need to work out why you find distant, cold men attractive but run scared from the ones who actually like you.Do the Freedom course, you can do it as part if a group or online. Consider some counselling. Sort your head out and value yourself x

KindDogsTail Wed 06-Jul-16 21:35:27

In my opinion Resilience16 is absolutely right Lost010

SomeonesRealName Wed 06-Jul-16 21:54:15

I don't think she's necessarily running scared from someone who actually likes her - it sounds to me as though this might be a healthy sea change in terms of OP's boundaries. It was a positive change for me when I started to realise I could end relationships for any reason - and end them I did. I wasn't running from something that would have been good for me; some of the guys I dated were just not quite my type even though they were lovely, or else they were coming on too strong or whatever. I know what you mean about feeling like such a bitch OP but try to stay objective you haven't treated him badly just honestly you don't have to keep dating someone just so they won't be sad.

KindDogsTail Wed 06-Jul-16 22:19:17

You are right Someone, it could be a healthy change & the new man had come on in too strong a way in such a short time. But it was Lost's previous relationship seemed so worrying that it seems that maybe it would help her even more to do the Freedom programme now.

LadyStarkOfWinterfell Wed 06-Jul-16 22:21:58

I hope your daughter doesn't see this guy as a daddy too?

SomeonesRealName Wed 06-Jul-16 23:13:14

Yes KindDogs I would absolutely recommend the Freedom Programme as well, having done it myself.

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