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(7 Posts)
Iloveantiques Tue 05-Jul-16 23:08:33

Name changed for this.

My husband and I are estranged emotionally but still live together with one DD, age 11. Joint finances, he works FT, I work PT (4/5) and do all childcare related stuff as he's gone 12+ hours a day.

For the last couple of years DD and I have gone on holiday with friends without him. We split school holidays between us as it is the only way to provide cover all half terms etc. DD and I have gone away during 'my' weeks. He's chosen to stay at home 'his' weeks, or use his mum for childcare so he doesn't have to take leave. MIL lives 2 hours away and DD gets distressed being away from home so it's not ideal.

This year, DD and I are away again with friends for 2 weeks and I've asked him to sort out two weeks cover. At my suggestion he will go with DD to MIL for a week and work from there and take one weeks leave on top of that, meaning he covers two weeks holiday with one weeks leave.

He then informs me that he's going on holiday for a week in France with his parents in September during term time.

Now, I understand he probably feels he misses out on a holiday but a) there's nothing stopping him from making his own arrangements to take DD away, b) he's saving a weeks leave at my suggestion and then using that to go away alone and c) he's wasting a weeks holiday cover which we will need later in the year.

I can't help feeling really put out but am I being unfair on him? Should he be able to go on any holiday to make it 'fair'? I think he feels that DD and I get a holiday at his expense, although I would argue very strongly that while we still share a home I contribute equally, if not monetarily, and I do extra bits of work to finance our holiday.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I'm willing to accept a different viewpoint if you have one (don't make me go to aibu)

And I know the bigger problem is still living together when we need to split, but he refuses to leave so I'm a bit stuck.

Gard3nglow Tue 05-Jul-16 23:31:18

I would assume both of you can use your holiday as you wish
What would happen if you had a hobby that needed the holiday to be used in a particular way and that it was not a child friendly hobby

In that case child care would need to be paid for or organised with family, friends or by a school holiday provider

If you read the forums, lots of parents have no contact with their parents

Gard3nglow Tue 05-Jul-16 23:33:03

should read lots of parents have no contact with their children

Dutchcourage Tue 05-Jul-16 23:34:02

They are his holidays to take as he wishes really arnt they.

Can you not sell up ? It's sounds hidious?

Summerlovinf Tue 05-Jul-16 23:48:50

His holidays...not your business how he uses them as long as the kids are looked after.

TheNaze73 Wed 06-Jul-16 07:32:09

I think you're being grossly unfair on him

DameXanaduBramble Wed 06-Jul-16 07:35:39

You're being really unfair, it's not your call, really.

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