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Found out he's married...how do I deal with this

(81 Posts)
lauren42 Tue 05-Jul-16 19:45:35

I've been seeing someone for 8 months. He works in the same building but at a different company two floors above. He said he was separated and tonight I found out he lives with his wife. We bumped into his neighbour who talked about the hedge and how he'd spoken to my DP's wife about it earlier and she'd said my DP had said he'd already paid a contractor to come round. It was all said with such ease, it shocked me. I had been to DP's house!! It turns out she works in London, Tuesday to Friday. There's nothing in the house of her, except a couple of photos with the kids but he said they were up for the sake of the kids.

I went crazy with him. We have just argued for 4 hours. He said they never have sex, dont share a bed, have plans to formally separate. How can he have done this to me? He said he had only moved down here a year ago and so I have never met any friends of his apart from his colleagues. I am in shock. Why would he do this. 8 months.

lauren42 Tue 05-Jul-16 19:46:08

Oh and apparently his wife is crazy and that's why I can't meet her, because even though theyre not properly together, she'd be upset....

NerrSnerr Tue 05-Jul-16 19:47:50

They are very much together, probably having sex. There's only one thing to do, dump him. Then get tested for STDs as you may not be the only one?

NerrSnerr Tue 05-Jul-16 19:48:40

Just a thought- he didn't have you round when the kids were there did he? shock

SeemsLegit Tue 05-Jul-16 19:48:42

They are indeed together and he's trying to spin you a line. Sorry op sad

lauren42 Tue 05-Jul-16 19:49:16

I feel sick. I don't know how to get past this. I honestly thought he was perfect. I will never trust anyone again.

lauren42 Tue 05-Jul-16 19:49:58

No I never met his kids but we discussed arranging it over summer holidays.

SharkSkinThing Tue 05-Jul-16 19:50:03

Ruuuuuuuuuuun!!!!

SirChenjin Tue 05-Jul-16 19:50:31

Yadda yadda yadda...he's flung the whole adulterers handbook at you, hasn't he? sad Tell him to get lost - because it will all end in tears for one/some/all of you.

Goingtobeawesome Tue 05-Jul-16 19:50:41

He can't even come up with some original lines to get you into bed.

oldlaundbooth Tue 05-Jul-16 19:51:32

Why would he do this?

Because he's a cheating fuck, that's why.

Run for the hills.

And get another job.

lauren42 Tue 05-Jul-16 19:51:37

I'm just totally in shock. I had a sense something was wrong about a week ago. I thought he was so perfect, there's lists and lists of things I could say about how much I love him. So fucked up. What a cunt.

AyeAmarok Tue 05-Jul-16 19:52:11

Total script.

Dump.

Arfarfanarf Tue 05-Jul-16 19:52:30

Ah yes the crazy wife who knows they are separated although they live together but who would hit the roof if she found out about it.

Yeah.

Dont be gullible. It's exactly what your brain is telling you it is!

expatinscotland Tue 05-Jul-16 19:52:34

'He said they never have sex, dont share a bed, have plans to formally separate. '

Oh, bullshit! This is a classic line of shite.

Why would he do this? Because he's a lying, cheating bastard.

There is only one thing to do in this situation: DUMP. Don't waste anymore of your time with him because he'll just continue to lie so he can shag you.

oldlaundbooth Tue 05-Jul-16 19:52:42

'He said they never have sex'

So then it's OK with him to have sex with someone else? hmm He's married FFS

lauren42 Tue 05-Jul-16 19:52:44

What do you mean the script??

lauren42 Tue 05-Jul-16 19:53:55

I don't know how I'm going to get over this. I am in total shock. I will never trust anyone again. My heart is so broken but then it is all built on a lie!!!!!

expatinscotland Tue 05-Jul-16 19:55:25

It's a script, a classic script that most married men cheaters use on their other woman: the wife is crazy/mental, they don't have sex, sleep in separate rooms, will separate/divorce, etc when things get right with the kids blah blah blah. He's not even original. Just a garden variety cheating twat.

FellOutOfBed2wice Tue 05-Jul-16 19:57:01

Yeah, saw this happen to a friend. Men like this are unscrupulous liars. Run like the wind.

lauren42 Tue 05-Jul-16 19:59:22

He speaks to me EVERY night. All night, texting. There is no way he sleeps in the same room as his wife. That's the ONLY thing I think he's being truthful about.

VoldysGoneMouldy Tue 05-Jul-16 19:59:53

The term 'script' is used when it comes to cheaters ("we never have sex / we planning to separate / we're getting a divorce / we sleep in separate rooms") because they often say they same thing. And it does indeed sound like he's thrown the whole thing at you.

Run for the hills, and don't look back. You deserve better than this cheating bastard.

lauren42 Tue 05-Jul-16 19:59:55

I feel so fucked up. My heart is broken

gamerchick Tue 05-Jul-16 20:02:16

God it is the script isn't it confused what a tosser.

Tell him to leave you alone. There's no point in telling his wife as he'll paint you as a crazy stalker who won't leave him alone.

I'm sorry man. flowers

DelphiBlue Tue 05-Jul-16 20:03:53

OP run and don't look back. Then run some more. If he was as into you as you are him he wouldn't hide you. He is a bullshitter and you will not change him, no matter what lines he's spun you.

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