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a ring

(36 Posts)
vkp25 Mon 04-Jul-16 23:28:56

hi all,
I'm brand new to this website so wondered if you could help!

just some advice really:

I've been in relationship with the man of my dreams (cheesy I know) for 2 year and almost 7 months.

We now live together and my birthday is coming up:

he asked what I want and I said nothing but a ring, bear in mind I'm the least materialistic person ever and I spend so much on others and never expect anything in return.

Past few weeks he's not asked again what I want for birthday and he normally asks nonstop as being a typical man he needs to know exactly what to buy and where to buy it! so I've assumed he's getting a ring!

tonight he asked what I want! I couldn't believe it after all this time (my bday is in 21 days) I said I told U before I wont repeat it.

he just replied well u never want anything
now I'm upset and hiding that but he's asking if hes done something wrong and I'm saying no

what do I do??

MrsBertBibby Mon 04-Jul-16 23:32:59

Are you trying to get him to propose? If you want to marry him, just ask him, and stop trying to engineer him into it.

SaveSomeSpendSome Mon 04-Jul-16 23:33:01

Well you accept that he doesnt want to get engaged.

If he never mentioned it for awhile after you mentioned that you wanted a ring and has now mentioned it several weeks later i can only assume that he was hoping you would forget about the ring.

MyKingdomForBrie Mon 04-Jul-16 23:33:41

Tell him again? Clearly he's forgotten.. Good communication is pretty key to a relationship so if he's really the 'man of your dreams' you need to handle this aspect maturely. Sulking at him and telling him you won't say it again is only going to mean you not getting the present you want and both of you feeling bad.

MyKingdomForBrie Mon 04-Jul-16 23:34:41

Oh x-posts; I didn't get that you wanted an engagement ring - is that what you wanted? I assumed just a nice piece of jewellery.

TheNaze73 Mon 04-Jul-16 23:36:16

Men do not do subtle hints!

Secondly, you've not been together that long at all, sounds like he's not that interested in getting engaged.

Talk to him if it bothers you, don't sulk though

jayho Mon 04-Jul-16 23:36:58

did something happen and we dropped out of the 21st century?

janaus Mon 04-Jul-16 23:38:30

Why don't you go shopping together. Make some suggestions of what you like. Then leave it up to him.
It doesn't have to be an engagement ring. In my day, we first got a 'friendship' ring, if the relationship was headed that way. No need to rush him into it. Anything that he gets you will be special. Be happy.

SaveSomeSpendSome Mon 04-Jul-16 23:41:36

My friend got a "commitment ring"

I was like WTF??

After googling it appears such a thing does exist!

jayho Mon 04-Jul-16 23:43:42

oh, ffs, have it through your nose and pretend feminism never happened

(disclaimer - it's late and i'm a bit hacked off)

AnecdotalEvidence Mon 04-Jul-16 23:45:03

Are you actually after an engagement ring?
Does HE know what you are after or could he be confused?
If you are trying to engineer a proposal, this is a dreadful way of going about it!
If you just want a ring, then you need to be clearer on the type of ring you want.
This has nothing to do with being materialistic. If you want a proposal, that's not a materialistic gift, it's a personal commitment. That is not something that can be given as a gift.
And the whole drama with the "I've told you before, I'm not telling you again", well that's just awful.

vkp25 Mon 04-Jul-16 23:51:14

wowzers sorry all, I must've seemed sketchy!

it's any ring just a ring I don't own any ring!

he knows it ain't an engagement ring!

I'm going to just chill obvs!

just wanted people's opinion, not people to get all hot headed at me lol

How does he know it's not an engagement ring?

If a woman says 'nothing but a ring' and later gets narky over it, then the bloke is generally going to think she means an engagement ring

vkp25 Mon 04-Jul-16 23:54:44

because we've talked about marriage before and said we'd wait longer!

Ok, that doesn't mean it wouldn't sound like you wanted an engagement ring.

I think you need to be clear and more specific with him. Poor bloke is probably a bit panicked and lost!

jayho Mon 04-Jul-16 23:58:10

so you want a 'dress ring' as per pp you need to be prescriptive

MyKingdomForBrie Tue 05-Jul-16 00:00:49

Didn't get hot headed, just suggest you tell him again..

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams Tue 05-Jul-16 00:01:49

Well, if he knows it's not an engagement ring, say something like:

"I'm sorry I got upset, but it's something I really want and I hoped you'd remember I mentioned it. I'd really like a [silver] ring for the [middle finger on my right hand] - it's a size [G]. Do you want to pick one for me as a surprise, or should I show you a few pictures of what I like?"

That way you're being nice and clear. I can see why you're upset, but he probably wasn't listening so in his mind he didn't know!

vkp25 Tue 05-Jul-16 00:10:10

ok thanx I'll mention it again and my friend said show him a picture of a ring you like and say something like that etc I agree he does need to be told however after telling him once I thought he'd remember since he normally asks a billion times before my bday what I want as I never want anything! maybe he did get wrong impression...

Glastokitty Tue 05-Jul-16 00:47:22

You are being disingenuous or naïve. Ninety nine per cent of boyfriends are going to think engagement ring when asked for a ring, especially if you say its all you want! He's probably shitting himself now and has no idea what is going on! I think you really need to clarify with him that you just want a dress ring and not an engagement ring, if in fact that is really what you're after and you weren't fishing for more.

Justbeingnosey123 Tue 05-Jul-16 00:57:43

If you want a non engagement ring I agree you need to say again clearly that's wear you want his either forgotten or maybe got confused what you meant. Even if that's not the case most men I know buying jewellery need specifics this style size etc.

janaus Tue 05-Jul-16 04:44:19

You could suggest him getting you a nice ring with your birthstone, then it would be clearly not an engagement ring.

Tearsoffrustration Tue 05-Jul-16 07:02:46

I thought you meant engagement ring

Tellmewhyohwhy Tue 05-Jul-16 07:05:35

Yes you need to be entirely clear. The poor bloke will not know what you mean.

Costacoffeeplease Tue 05-Jul-16 07:10:35

I wouldn't just say 'a ring' and expect him to get it right - you could end up with something hideous! Poor guy needs some direction rather than PA huffing

1. Grow up
2. Point out some rings you like - maybe 4 or 5 and let him pick one

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