Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

PND, Personality Disorder or am I just bored of my relationship ?

(5 Posts)
Rainbows911 Mon 04-Jul-16 21:49:05

I will try keep it short. Thanks for taking time to read. Been with my OH for over 8 years, been together since we were 16. Bought a house together and have 2 sons (4 and 1). Im only 24 now so I've done all this at a young age which I don't know if this might play a factor in how I'm feeling. Anyway, I'm not saying it's been an easy relationship, it hasn't. Well it was, until we bought our house together (we was only 21 at the time) and two months later he cheated on me. We moved in and 2 months later he said he didn't know if he loved me anymore as the arguing was unbearable (I only moaned because he was acting distant and unloving). So he told me he couldn't be with me. Long story short I checked his phone, he had been seeing another girl behind my back, he moved back to his moms and I took all his shit there, I had Christmas on my own with our first born (he was 1 at the time). 3 weeks after going his moms he came back begging for his family back & to make a fresh start for the new year. So we did. And tbh everything's been fine since, obv I found it extremely hard to get over but slowly I've moved past it.

Anyway to my next point, I do love my OH so much. We have a one year old (well, in 6 days). When my son was 8 weeks old I went to a house party with some friends, got drunk and met this guy there. At first I wasn't attracted to him but as the night went on I thought "oh ok he's alright". We were both drunk and got chatting. He has a girlfriend whom he's been with 2 years. He was telling me he had lost a son with her a few months back and showing me pictures as he was born at 35 weeks (was very sad), we were having deep conversations and then talking about general crap. Anyway, we then had a laugh and talked about other things. He gave me a lift home and he tried it on with me. We kissed and I couldn't take it any further because of what I had been through with my OH and what he did to me a few years back - when I found out my OH cheated it nearly killed me. I didn't want to live and hated been on my own. So we exchanged numbers. I asked him why he cheats on his partner and he said he doesn't know why (he is 30, thought he would have grown up by now right ? Especially when he's just lost a child with her). So we text a lot afterwards and it's safe to say I was having an emotional affair. I bumped into him 3 months later when I was out and I was with my OH. He came over to my OH and asked me if we were together ?!?!?! My OH was so upset and went home as he had seen my phone And knew we had been taking. Anyway I went home with my OH and the other guy was begging me to meet him because he was drunk and his partner was out. I said no obv but said maybe another time. Anyway after that he then sent me a text going "talk soon, can't talk now my OH home, don't text back". Yep I know ladies I'm a mug. Don't know why I even got involved with someone like that. So he never text me for a few days which wasn't like him. So I text him going "you've gone quiet". And he replied "my OH knows we have been talking and has gone mad, I don't want to split up families so I think it's best we don't talk anymore but I'll see you around". I replied "I get what u mean, whatever then I guess". So he cut off contact last October. We used to speak in the day by text when we was at work a lot too. Because he cut it off I can't stop thinking about him, every single fucking day, it's ridiculous. I love my OH I really do, yet why won't this other guy leave my mind? I've bumped into him once since and he asked me to go home with him and I said no (I'm no ones booty call!!! I have a bloody family and house to try hold down). That was in Feb and was the last time we've spoke. It's now July. I'm so fed up about thinking about him I'm going mad inside and it's not fair on my OH. Is it PND? me and my OH have everything, we went on holiday May and got engaged. I do want to marry him but it's totally wrong when all I can think about is some prat who gave me attention.

Mine and partners sex life is fine, always has been. It's like I'm obsessed though. Before me and my OH got together I kind of felt like this and was obsessed so I don't know if it's the type of personality I have?

Feel like I'm loosing my shit.

MissusRob Tue 05-Jul-16 00:11:58

Hello Rainbows
I've read all through your post. I'm a lot older than you and have been married to my teenage sweetheart for so long you'd think we were were fossils. But I can relate to everything you've been feeling which is why I'm writing.
It's simple - honestly it really is easy - if you are absolutely sure you want to make it work with your OH. You just have to 'stop' those damaging and intrusive thoughts (which would end in more than tears in the long run). To do that is not hard, it just takes practise and determination.

Picture a big STOP sign, and literally plonk it in your mind's eye right in front of you whenever those intrusive thoughts come drifting by. Any daydreams leading you down the wrong path, draw down your STOP sign and those thoughts will be literally stopped in their tracks.

Instead, start thinking of all the lovely things you love about your OH, remind yourself of the times he's made you laugh, or been at his very best, when you've felt head over heels about him, build on those good thoughts and re-invest 100% back into your relationship, building on your hopes and dreams and fantasies about your OH and the wonderful life you have ahead of you together. Good luck, it's worth it.
(PS there's nothing wrong with your personality as far as I can tell, you sound very normal to me. smile)

Glastokitty Tue 05-Jul-16 00:28:01

This has got chuff all to do with personality disorders or PND. You just settled down too young, and it sounds to me like you're bored. Can you see yourself with your husband for another 50 years? I think most people change enormously from their teens to their mid 20s (I know I did), and that is why getting married so young is often (not always) a bad idea. But its a little late to give you that advice, and you have little kids to think about. MrsRobbs advice seems good, you need to see if you can get this bloke out of your head (and he sounds like a loser anyway) and concentrate on your husband and family. If that doesn't work, then you need to decide whether to end your marriage and start over, but I wouldn't count on the other bloke for anything more than a shag.

TheNaze73 Tue 05-Jul-16 10:49:43

You need to look in the mirror & ask yourself, can you see your life with him for the next 60 years?

Hindsight is a wonderful thing but, I think you got married too young

Summerlovinf Tue 05-Jul-16 11:33:40

Get some counselling if you can. Work on why you feel you need the attention from the OM and on what you want.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now