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Should I send this email?

(87 Posts)
ShellingPeasAgain Mon 04-Jul-16 15:26:36

H and I have been together 22 years, married for 18, we have a 17 yr old and a 14 yr old. He has known this woman since he was 17 (he is now 53). At the beginning of our relationship I met her when he took me to the christening of her children. She didn't like me and sent a vitriolic letter to him which I found and read. Now I understand why. When DS was a baby they were emailing each other - we'd only be married 9 months. I feel betrayed and sick.

So should I send this email? I am most angry with him as he made the marriage vows, but really, how could she?

"Well, hello [insert appropriate expletive here].

I'm not sure if [Dickwad] has told you but I came across some naked pictures of you in his wankfest folder last week. This follows about 2 weeks after I found the sex toys and porn stash, and around 6 weeks after I came across the inappropriate messages he'd been sending a female running club member. It's been quite a cascade of events.

Oh, apparently he's a sex addict and that makes it all okay because he can't help it. And apparently so are you. Well, who knew.

Well, you know what, I can't fucking do the 'oh it's okay' thing.

He said you hold me the highest regard. Yeah, right. So high that you and he can exchange a series of emails when DS is a newborn bemoaning the lack of sex and my unreasonableness, but it's okay coz he can get off on your description of your labia. Thank you for that. Oh, and the pictures of you in the bath, and in your oh so sexy uniform. Well, who knew.

And of course I can't forget the letter you wrote to him after the weekend I spent at your children's christening when we were a very new relationship and I was completely out of my depth. I may well have been a complete cunt but I didn't deserve the character assassination you gave me. Now, maybe, it makes sense.

You know, behind every pornographic picture and furtive glance at someone else's partner, there is another human being. I am not deserving of your and his disregard. And I don't care that it was years ago. Really. Both of you. How could you.

I wish you the best for your new marriage. I hope it is founded on truth and not lies and secrets. Unfortunately mine is and therefore it is probably over. Something to think about."

TheNaze73 Mon 04-Jul-16 15:28:19

I wouldn't send it. Your husband is the issue here, not her

HallowedMimic Mon 04-Jul-16 15:29:01

Dear God, no, do not send it.

They will think you are unhinged.

ravenmum Mon 04-Jul-16 15:29:39

No, you shouldn't. Go to a lawyer instead.

offside Mon 04-Jul-16 15:30:57

I would. I think it's a brilliant an email. I'd like to make her squirm. But that's just me.

MrsMarsch Mon 04-Jul-16 15:31:21

Send it, immediately xz

justdontevenfuckingstart Mon 04-Jul-16 15:31:39

No!!!!!!!!! Step away from the keyboard.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Mon 04-Jul-16 15:31:56

No, please don't. Your husband is the main issue here, not her, despite her bad behaviour.

Pinklemonade16 Mon 04-Jul-16 15:32:10

Send it..!!!!! Go for it I would and more angry

ravenmum Mon 04-Jul-16 15:32:24

This woman doesn't give a shit about you, your marriage or whether you read about her labia. Show her that you are above that seedy kind of crap by refusing to engage. Do not stoop to their level.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Mon 04-Jul-16 15:34:44

Don't send it until after you've seen a lawyer and got your finances in order.

Then let it rip.

blueskywithclouds Mon 04-Jul-16 15:34:45

I think it is brilliant you have written it and thought it through. I would really let rip and write every swear word under the sun!
However...please don't send it. It's great to get it off your chest and we have all read it now. It isn't worth the backlash you will receive if you send it. Remember, if you email it then she has a record forever of your rant.

Daytona79 Mon 04-Jul-16 15:35:18

Personally I would send it but I couldn't control myself and I would be raging

DraughtyWindow Mon 04-Jul-16 15:35:58

It's good to write stuff down, but please don't send it. What will it achieve?
I understand how you this is making you feel (and it really is up to you how you choose to feel) but you need to address this with your husband. Hold the moral high ground and lead by example. It'll make them squirm much more. flowers

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 04-Jul-16 15:36:18

No do not send this to her. What will it achieve, she is going to think that you are mad. Your H is the issue here rather than this woman.

ShellingPeasAgain Mon 04-Jul-16 15:36:36

TBH neither of them give a shit about me. Really. But he looooooovvvvveees me so much.


I probably won't sent it. But fucks sake. She is our DS's godmother.

I actually, I don't think it makes me sound unhinged. I thought it was quite coherent for someone struggling with a huge pile of shit landed on them out of the blue.

I have seen a lawyer. And a counsellor. This a crock of shit after so long.

pinkieandperkie Mon 04-Jul-16 15:38:35

Poor you. It's good to write things down but please don't send it as I think you may regret it. Hold your head high and be strong.

BenHer Mon 04-Jul-16 15:38:48

Don't send it. Apply the dog shit approach. Step over it and carry on walking.

Joysmum Mon 04-Jul-16 15:40:23

I'd be more subtle and tell her the photos she sent your DH weren't stored securely and for her own sake she should have a chat to him about that. grin

ravenmum Mon 04-Jul-16 15:43:43

It's coherent, but in my experience whenever I've mentioned the other woman's (apparently quite short) vagina to people I've felt afterwards that I might not have come across too well. -cough-

blue2014 Mon 04-Jul-16 15:50:49

You know? I probably would. Yes he's a problem but so is she. She sounds bloody horrible. If I ever did that to someone's wife I would expect much worse, I think it's very reasoned.

I'm really sorry they're both twats

ShellingPeasAgain Mon 04-Jul-16 15:51:32

Ha ravenmum that made me laugh.

I won't send it (yet, anyway).

But why does taking the moral high ground and being the sensible one always feel so shit. I am trying so hard to be reasonable for the sake of our kids but I didn't ask or deserve any of this.

And he thinks that buying me pretty trinkets and saying that it was all years ago and that he knows he has a problem will make it all okay.

God, if I had the means I would be out the door this instant. But although I work, (self employed) it's limited and I no longer earn enough to be on my own. Unlike when we first got married when I was the higher earner.

The benefit of hindsight. What a mess.

SandyY2K Mon 04-Jul-16 15:52:46

Send the pics to her husband if she has one. She's a shameless tramp, but unfortunately such people exist.

Sorry for the situation you're in OP. What a terrible excuse for a godmother. I'd tell her not to come near your son again quite frankly or she would live to regret it.

Are you staying with your husband ? Sending her that while you stick with him is pointless. He got you close to his OW and made her Godmother. That would truly make my blood boil. It's your husband's doing.

BipBippadotta Mon 04-Jul-16 15:55:50

I like Joysmum 's idea.

SandyY2K Mon 04-Jul-16 15:56:15

Just read your last post. People always say to take the moral high ground ..... I see no harm in the OW or OM having consequences, but don't give them the satisfaction of knowing you're hurt about it.

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