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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

new lady is in my house with stbexh...weird feelings

14 replies

chewybacca · 03/07/2016 21:00

Separated about 6 weeks now but its been evolving for ages. Kids were told and i moved out of the house 6 weeks ago.
2 weeks after telling the kids he wanted to introduce her to them. I got advice here and have since got a solicitor and feel happy that my interests are protected.
I know I have to not feel weird but that was my house for 11 years.
I am really not bothered that he has someone new. Good on him.
But.. bleauughh. I couldn't sleep with a man in a bed that his wife had conceived 3 kids in.
I need to get a grip but good grief this is a strange feeling.
Anyone got any advice on how?

OP posts:

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FreeFromHarm · 03/07/2016 21:22

Hi Chewy, it is so hard isnt it, I have left due to dv and xdh has a string of ow in the marital home which is up for sale. My concern is for the safety of ow, x has no contact due to Dv, all these women he has met online are single parents, worries me sick.
I know how you feel, it is a strange feeling

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chewybacca · 03/07/2016 21:40

Thanks for the reply freefrom. Your situation sound so much more worrying.
I think its just the idea of someone judging,someone who in a few weeks will be with my children too. Someone who i have no idea who they are or what they are like.
Loss of control.
You need to focus on yourself and your kids, not anyone else. They are not your responsibility!

x

OP posts:

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FreeFromHarm · 03/07/2016 22:10

Your situation is hard, It is hard isn't it to comprehend that another woman can move in to another woman's home that she has nurtured/ decorated made a loving home for your family, it is hard to take.
My X lives in a fantasy world..... The ow thinks I left him for someone else, it's the lies which has made it easier for him to do what he is doing , that is my concern , we are under protection and escaped the most vile treatment and behaviour .
Yes my DC are my priority , but still feel so concerned for these women and children , human nature being a nurse I am afraid X

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TheNaze73 · 03/07/2016 22:17

I think you need to let it go. She obviously doesn't have a problem with it & your relationship with him is in the past. Look forward to the future OP & I hope it all works out

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allnewredfairy · 03/07/2016 23:16

It is weird. I remember watching OW swanning about in EXH's car thinking 'I chose that car' and seeing posts on Facebook visiting places we'd been to together. It's a bit like someone stepping into your shoes. It passes thankfully.

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catrin · 03/07/2016 23:59

I have this. We are (still!) going through divorce. He refused to move out, so dd and I did. New woman now lives in my house. I own it, I decorated it, paid for the furniture, and she lives in it. It says a lot about her that she thinks what she is doing is acceptable. It sums him up.

The house will be sold as part of the divorce. Let's see how happy they are living in the 2 bed flat he gets. I've moved on, he's just pretending life is as it was without marital strings.

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FreeFromHarm · 04/07/2016 00:27

Cathrin, it is not acceptable , he will never get another mortgage he is in so much dept... I know ow has no idea about what she has taken on.. Can't wait for the house to be sold .

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FreeFromHarm · 04/07/2016 00:28

Oops Catrin x

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Allalonenow · 04/07/2016 01:05

No advice really, only that it's hard, I sometimes think that he has stolen my life and given it away to someone else.

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FreeFromHarm · 04/07/2016 07:18

In a nutshell x

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mumoseven · 04/07/2016 07:23

I remember feeling so glad to escape I didn't give a toss who slept on my old bed! But I know what you mean - I was quite close to my ex mil and it was odd seeing her friendly with OW. Exactly like someone stepping into your shoes as you say.

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owlsocks · 04/07/2016 07:33

It's the weirdest feeling isn't it? My old neighbour told me about my exP's new "lady friend" when there was a different car on the drive every evening. I couldn't fight the urge to go and see for myself and actually felt relieved that I wasn't going mad.

I keep thinking about my dressing table that still has all of my jewelry on display, my underwear still in the drawers and my dress hanging on the wardrobe. I wonder what she must think (and what he has told her).

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FreeFromHarm · 04/07/2016 07:48

My X has told a pack of lies to anyone who will listen, she is the 8th ow off plenty of fish he has had in the house , can't wait for it to sold, she has no ideal she is living with a narc , she has property, he needs somewhere to live, he is using her just like he did me , feel sorry for her .