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Online dating... But I'm nervous about a guy seeing me undressed!

(32 Posts)
Sibbi2 Sun 03-Jul-16 01:33:45

Basically I'm online dating, I'm in my early 20s. I'm okay looking and can scrub up well with make-up etc. But essentially I am (and have always been) quite paranoid about how I look and have several body image issues (who doesn't I guess)...

One of these is related to my breasts. I haven't let a guy really see them IRL before. Okay, well I did once and he commented on how petite they were sad They're more than that, they're small and strange and not a nice shape. I really dislike them and I think they're a tad malformed actually. That is something I'm working on however.

My question is... Is it weird if, when things get to that stage, I keep my bra on? It's got me down so much that not only am I still a virgin (have got to that stage but hasn't happened), that the thought makes me feel extremely nervous and self-conscious. I would so prefer to buy a really nice bra and keep it on... But is that really weird? Be honest.

daisychain01 Sun 03-Jul-16 05:29:40

Sibbi, I can understand your anxiety re body image, but if I were you don't even think about letting anyone see you undressed until you have advanced the relationship to a much more deep level. You're kinda keeping ahead a bit, aren't you smile

Take things one tiny step at a time, if a guy is a decent person they will try to get to know you first and if they force the issue re the physical side of things, then they probably aren't right for you.

When you find someone you have strong feelings for, things will naturally evolve from there. Get to know the person first and you'll be fine.

daisychain01 Sun 03-Jul-16 05:31:07

Sorry autocorrect

You're kinda leaping ahead a bit

Is what I meant to say

ravenmum Sun 03-Jul-16 06:38:31

Are you getting help for your body image issues?

Hotandcold2016 Sun 03-Jul-16 08:14:47

I think there's no problem at all in keeping your bra on if that's what makes you feel comfortable. A decent guy would be understanding and appreciate you whatever. And I wouldn't make a big deal of it either.

LillyMom Sun 03-Jul-16 08:15:12

Sibbi, I know how you feel. I also have small beasts and would get a bit uncomfortable to show them to anyone.
The thing is: Don't show them to anyone! Just wait until you know better the man before you do that. Because you know... You are not a pair of breasts, you are a complete girl and if a guy really likes you, they won't care if you have small breasts, or big, or only one, or green... It's the complete package that counts. wink
Anyone who is only interested in how big your breasts are, do not deserve to see you undressed, touch you and so on.
I had a boyfriend for many years when I was your age and it took me quite sometime to let him see me undressed. Once I mentioned that I was shy about my body and the answer was: I like you the way you are. And he did! We were together for six years and he never commented negatively about my body. Go for the right guy and you will be fine. smile

LillyMom Sun 03-Jul-16 08:21:23

By the way, not all men like big breasts. DH hates silicone and prefers petite women. grin

FinallyHere Sun 03-Jul-16 08:48:14

Absolutely, keep getting to know someone til you find find someone who you loves your beasts exactly as they are, exactly because they are part of you. Someone who doesn't push you to have sex before you are ready to really be with them. Someone who waits til you have got over your self consciousness about your own body.

Good sex is really nothing to do with the porn industry, please don't get them confused. All the best.

Blushingm Sun 03-Jul-16 08:58:01

My breasts are huge, the look amazing in a good bra but I hate the way they look without one to the point I sometimes can't even look at them

I think any guy worth his salt will be so pleased that you even want to get intimate with him he will not even be thinking any negative thinks!

Hotandcold2016 Sun 03-Jul-16 09:01:31

I agree that a lot of men are not really into breasts anyway.

Terrifiedandregretful Sun 03-Jul-16 09:02:43

There is a quote I read from Julie Birchill which has always stuck with me and I've found it to be completely true. On getting naked in front of other people: 'Women are critical; men are just grateful'. (which isn't to say you shouldn't keep your bra on if you want to)

Anicechocolatecake Sun 03-Jul-16 09:09:08

I used to be a little like you. In my first serious relationship I was consumed with fear about my many shortcomings. Do you know what? After I slept with my then partner for the first time, it turned out he was thinking far more about whether I liked his penis or whether I thought his stomach was fat than my body. Men have insecurities too.

Sex is about so much more than porn and having a perfect body. It's about building a bond with someone and expressing something and having fun. If you meet someone you trust you can share how you feel about your breasts and I bet a decent guy will put your mind at ease and tell you he thinks you're gorgeous. You are more than just your breasts

Anicechocolatecake Sun 03-Jul-16 09:11:09

By the way, have a look here

It's a brilliant website which shows you what real women look like. So many people have only seen nudity in porn and feel deformed or inadequate in response. We are all different.

BlackVelvet1 Sun 03-Jul-16 09:31:39

Another option is to turn the light down.
You might have done weeks of cuddling before having sex, so he might already know how your breasts are. Breasts are all kind of sizes and shapes, but I am pretty sure if he loves you he will love your breasts too (and the rest of your body). On the plus side, if you have children and decide to breastfeed you could get an extra 1 or 2 cup sizes smile.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster Sun 03-Jul-16 09:32:16

I can guarantee that most men out there are more then a bit self conscious with regards to how their naked body looks to a new partner as well, are they too hairy, too wobbly, not enough muscle definition, skinny legs, small cock etc etc. As others have said if you have got to know the guy well enough and he is of the decent sort he will not care what your breasts look like. In the past when I have got to 'that stage' in a new relationship a few women have used that tried and tested method of turning the lights out until such a time they felt a bit more confident! I had no issues with that and I dare so most other blokes would not either!

Flacidunicorn Sun 03-Jul-16 09:41:29

I forget who it was that said it, it was many many years ago and was on a program talking about sex and such. But basically it was a woman giving her tips about body confidence and she said, this is how ive always remembered it,
"At the point where the clothes come off and you're stood in front of each other completely naked. At that point, your man will think youre the most beautiful woman in the world, if he doesnt, then he shouldn't be your man"

It was also the same program where ron jeremy said,
"Men out there, to be a good lover, stop worrying about yours you'll get it, worry about hers" grin something ive kinda lived by for over 20 years.

Twinkie1 Sun 03-Jul-16 09:47:04

I agree with the PP. we are too critical of ourselves, men are just bloody grateful!

I asked DH if I could have a boob job now I've fed 3 kids and won't be doing it again. Tried to sell it to him that he'd love my new perky bouncy boobs. His reply was that to the majority of men getting to fondle a pair of boobs is just so bloody great that they really don't care what shape they are, if they're perky or not or what size they are!!

He'll love your body if he loves you. Keep the lights off, have a few glasses of wine, relax and enjoy yourself.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster Sun 03-Jul-16 10:31:31


Fair play to you, never thought I would see the day where Ron Jeremy is quoted on mumsnet! I salute you!!

Sallyingforth Sun 03-Jul-16 10:32:34

II don't know if this will help you OP but my brother's girlfriend is very flat chested - he has bigger boobs than her - and he is absolutely besotted with her.

If a guy is only interested in your breasts, he is one to avoid.

candybar007 Sun 03-Jul-16 10:34:04

Some men adore petite breasts, some men seek large your man should love you for who you are not your bra size.

VioletBam Sun 03-Jul-16 10:34:18

ChocolateCake I've seen that site before...with all the normal breasts but the only issue I have is that the breasts on there are all about 18 to 23 in age!

Where are the older ones I wonder?

dementedma Sun 03-Jul-16 10:38:15

Dd2 has hardly any boobs at all and a gorgeous boyfriend who adores her.
I have big, old boobs which look okay in a bra, but collapse to my knees when released! No complaints from anyone though.

VioletBam Sun 03-Jul-16 10:41:09

Demented....yes, I had no breasts whatsoever until I had babies. I was just like a boy...maybe had a tiny a kid in puberty. They grew a bit when I had kids but no man I ever dated cared about their size.

blue2014 Sun 03-Jul-16 10:41:26

Trust me a good man won't care - I have giant boobs and happen to believe small boobs are much sexier. Am still happy to get mine out for my man though as he loves me not just my boobs (and as it happens he was a small boob man before we met, love does funny things to you )

chajazam Sun 03-Jul-16 11:05:00

I have a small issue with my breasts which requires surgery to correct but it doesn't really bother me and no man has ever commented (they generally aren't that fussy) even though it's fairly obvious, if it did bother me to the point I didn't want to get naked with a man and I disliked my own body I would have surgery to correct it. I've seen a good friend avoid sex for years and years because of an issue like this and life is too short. I hope you're in counselling for your body image issue but also go and get a consultation for surgery (from a number of reputable companies) just to see what the possibilities for you are.

Btw I think you could probably get away with the bra trick once but I would guess in the heat of the moment it would get whipped off and you won't notice or care!

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