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getting things off my chest

(5 Posts)
Yooneecorngirl Sat 02-Jul-16 23:02:57

My husband moved out just over a month ago and is living with a friend about half an hours drive away. He works 2 minutes from here. I suggested that he come here after work to see our daughter and to help put her to bed. Because this is around teatime, I've ended up making him his dinner. I also done his washing a few times. I thought that being kind would help.
He's a lazy man, always was. So I appear to have turned into his personal chef and laundress.
Also, every weekend since he left, we'd all go out together. Just days out (she's 3, I think it's good for her that we can all spend time together). Last weekend though he kept her overnight for the first. He didn't tell me where they were or even what they were doing. I cried all weekend, I was so lonely. She came back with lots of new stuff.
Then today he took her out, I was left behind. Again I don't know where they went or even what they did.
He's Didnt leave until about 10pm but hardly talked to me. He wants her tomorrow again. He's spoiling her rotten. Two meals out today, ice cream, sweets, toys. I can't even afford to bloody feed her never mind sweets (waiting on tax credits but no sign). He won't give me money because he pays her once a week nursery bill.
I had the remainder of yesterday's dinner and two slices of toast.
I feel bad because I can't do the same for her 😓
I'm lost with this. There was no one else involved, we just drifted apart. I feel like he's making a fool out of me.

HeddaGarbled Sat 02-Jul-16 23:11:35

Ok, you need to sort out proper arrangements.

Maintenance payments through CMS.

Care of your daughter. The norm would be every other weekend and one night in the week if you are the main carer, he is working and can't have her 50-50. It needs to be outside your house.

Don't go out with him, cook him meals or do his laundry.

SandyY2K Sat 02-Jul-16 23:14:43

Stop doing his laundry.

You need to schedule set times for him to see her so you also stop cooking for him.

He doesn't have to tell you where he takes her when it's his time. Just as you don't have to tell him.

Are you not entiltled to maintenance from him in the form of spousal support?

It's not right that you're so broke and he isn't. Did you have access to money when you were married?

Do you work? If not you need to consider getting a job, as long as you don't end up worse oft.

Have you seen a solicitor?

daisychain01 Sun 03-Jul-16 09:16:53

Yoo, I agree with the PP, that getting organised with a permanent care arrangement and maintenance payments are your next priority.

Perhaps what hasn't been acknowledged is the devastating feeling of loss you are feeling at the breakdown of your relationship and how hard it is to just snap into "practical mode" whilst having to stay strong for your DD. That's why you've done those "half way house" things (laundry, meal, outings as a 'family'). It shows what a lovely person you are.

So even while doing all the practical stuff, be kind to yourself. It's a process, moving forward, getting used to life as a single person. It's painful. Sounds like you've had to do all the 'heavy lifting' so you're already most of the way towards singledom anyway smile

Yooneecorngirl Thu 07-Jul-16 15:53:42

He took her for two weeks today. I have wailed all day. It is utterly killing me.

The cooking has stopped. He said I was only doing it to make money off him and he is never giving me any money again. I don't want spousal support. I want nothing from him.

I have failed to stay strong today.

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