but a heartbroken one and could use a place to offload.
I have been separated from my husband for 9 months.
Now for the cliche. I met up with an old boyfriend (one that got away, romantic bullshit) late last year and although I was separated, he was not and had a partner, no kids. We started an affair. He told me he would leave his girlfriend. He didn't. He went cold and told me he'd decided to try to make things work with his GF. This was a couple of months ago. I have flip flopped from no contact, to breaking my heart over him to contacting him. Latest was last night when we spoke at length for the first time in weeks. He says he loves me and always will but his 'gut' is telling him he needs to try to try again with his GF. I told him I will give him the space he needs and I understand.
I don't understand. I'm gutted. It's no more than I deserve, I know that's what a lot of you will think. It's what I think myself. I'm still devestated though. I feel like my heart is beating out of my chest, I'm sick to my stomach and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm a mess. I would never, ever have gotten in so deep if I didn't believe we were going to be together. It would never have been the best or most honest start to a relationship, but I really believed he loved me enough to want to be with me and would follow through with his promises. Stupid, stupid me.
I know what I have to do. Go no contact and stay away from men who are not free. It doesn't take away the pain though. I'm in bits. I want to cry but the tears won't come. It's like it's all internalised and I'm screaming on the inside. I think my heart is breaking. I thought I'd experienced heartbreak before, but this is horrific.
It's not so much advice I need as a place to vent and let it out. I am too ashamed to confide in anyone IRL. Can anyone emphasise if not with the cheating part at least with the hearbreak and give me some pointers in how to get through this?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I'm a fool...
NoFoolLikeMe · 02/07/2016 21:37
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