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Developed a crush on someone even though I'm married...

(2 Posts)
littlebitlost10 Sat 02-Jul-16 21:30:20

So I have only been married about 18 months, been with him for 4 years, but know each other for 10. Shortly after we got married, my mum passed away, and I feel like it has changed my outlook in life and I just want to be happy and positive now. He is a very negative and pessimistic person. I find it really difficult to live with. I am the kind of person who needs quite a lot of affection, and he doesn't really give me what I need. I have brought it up a few times, but nothing really changes and I feel like a mug asking for him to cuddle me and things like that, because I kind of feel like if he wanted to do that then he would. We haven't had sex for nearly two months as well now - I have tried to initiate things but it never goes anywhere.

I have recently developed a crush on someone else at work. I know its just because I'm not happy because I have barely spoken to this person, I just feel drawn to him and have been looking him up on social media etc. I am too shy to talk to this other person, and feel guilty for just having the crush.

I feel like having this crush on the other person has meant that recently I've been trying less to make things better with my husband, instead I've just been trying to get away from him and spend time with my friends or on my own. I feel really lonely and sad, and I just don't know what to do.

Cantgoonanymore Sat 02-Jul-16 22:47:34

I think these feelings have developed as a way of avoiding what's going on at home. In a way you feel safe having these feelings because as long as you don't act on them he can't reject you, like you feel your dh has.

Also, it's giving you something else to focus on and I agree that the death of your mum probably triggered these thoughts.

Are you able to talk to rl friends about your feelings? Would you consider counselling, either alone or with your dh? It may help to talk through your feelings about your recent bereavement and the impact it's had on your view of life.

It may be that separating is the right thing for you, but it could also be the bereavement affecting you; and once you work through that you may want to work on your marriage. I wouldn't make any snap decisions and I would tell your dh how bad you're feeling and how it's making you feel like giving up. Suggest counselling and see what he says. Let him know how serious this is to you. I wish you the best and I'm sure others will be along soon with great advice.

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