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I told him

(51 Posts)
Flurple Sat 02-Jul-16 12:50:05

I told him he has treated me badly, I told him I've let him, I told him I will not be speaking to him anymore, I told him not to speak to me, I told him I am done.

Now I'm scared I've made a terrible decision, can someone come and talk me down before I text him a pathetic apology and end up grovelling.

Cabrinha Sat 02-Jul-16 13:02:25

Well done!
Do you want to share some of the ways he's treated you here, as a reminder when you wobble?
I recommend deleting his number and messages so you can't contact him.
If you can't do that for some reason, change his name on your phone to something that reminds you how bad he is. So if you want to grovel text, first you have to select the name "cheating bastard" or "lazy sulker".

Flurple Sat 02-Jul-16 13:07:06

That's a good idea, he's ignored me, used me for sex, blanked me infront of mutual friends, made me feel I am in the wrong when I raise these things with him, become jealous over stupid things but if I get jealous I'm acting crazy, cheated but denied it. The list goes on and on, how I've let it get to this point I don't know.
I can't delete his number sadly.

Cabrinha Sat 02-Jul-16 13:08:47

Right change his name in your phone to "oh look who's just after sex!"
grin

Cabrinha Sat 02-Jul-16 13:09:28

Unless he's the father of your children, you can delete him.

Flurple Sat 02-Jul-16 13:12:19

No children but we still need to stay in contact for other reasons - work mostly. This whole situation has almost killed me.

Oddsocksgalore Sat 02-Jul-16 13:26:31

Op I feel your pain here.

Every time I made the decision to leave I felt calm and 100% sure. Then I did it and broke out in those hot cold sweats.

You know this is the right thing to do. How fuckin dare he treat you like that, what a cunt!

Once you have done a few weeks, you won't believe how much better you feel.

What is the over riding emotion right now?

If you feel up to it, talk about what happened as it will help you to find your anger.

Flurple Sat 02-Jul-16 13:33:24

Anger is what made me do this, he lied to me yet again ignored me for the last time, blanked me infront of his friends yet again!

I'm so scared I've made the biggest mistake of my life, he's been so kind lately. This latest incident is out of the blue and so fucking painful.

He's not the man I thought he was.

Oddsocksgalore Sat 02-Jul-16 13:37:46

Leave him where he is, he has no respect for you. I know that can be hard to hear op and I'm saying it gently. The way he has treated you is terrible.

CalmItKermitt Sat 02-Jul-16 13:37:52

If he blanks you in front of your friends he is NOT a kind man. He may be able to ACT kind when it suits him but who wants to be with someone who has to act kind?

Flurple Sat 02-Jul-16 13:50:32

Yes, he has no respect for me at all and maybe he was acting at being kind. I have let him take up too much space in my head for too long.

NelAntarctic Sat 02-Jul-16 13:55:20

There shouldn't be games like
This OK. You shouldn't have to think "oh is he being nice to me today?"

If you cannot block and delete, then re-name him lying, rude tosser.

And think about moving teams/jobs.

Flurple Sat 02-Jul-16 13:59:53

That's exactly how I've felt this goes I've felt it's all been a big game for far too long now. He even told me he has feelings for me a few days ago but I can't believe he actually does because I don't trust him anymore. If he cared for me he wouldn't treat me this badly.
I can't move teams or jobs I'm afraid that isn't a possibility for me, I have thought about that, but I refuse to let him steal anymore of my life from me.

Cabrinha Sat 02-Jul-16 14:55:16

Are you sure you need to keep his number, just because you work together?
Do you use your phone for work or are you just making excuses? I dont have any of my colleagues or my manager's number on my personal phone.
If he needs to have it (my sister works shifts and gets called all the time by work) then how about a cheap PAYG phone that you only use for work? So he can't intrude on your personal life.

It might sound extreme, but you have said this has nearly killed you.

Which tbh is good reason to look for another job. Usually I'd be a supporter of stand firm and don't be forced out... But in this case, I'd say - don't run for a shit job, but if this becomes the push for a promotion or better job elsewhere, then that's good!

Flurple Sat 02-Jul-16 15:18:16

He and I work on a project together there is a group of us and we all have a what's app group for this, our manager is part of the chat I have no choice but to keep his number or I don't know who is saying what in the chat.
It has nearly killed me it has been pure hell and I keep dipping down to low self esteem and depression because I cannot get him out of my life. However, I love my job and I am in a very good stable position if another opportunity comes up in the same company on another team I will apply for it but I will not leave the one good thing I have left in my life. He doesn't get that as well.
Sorry to be dramatic.

Cabrinha Sat 02-Jul-16 16:38:16

Then you have two choices.

1. Get a second phone and a second whatsapp account and keep that for business, getting him away from your personal device.

2. Woman-up and keep the fucker ditched and don't engage beyond work. Given everything he's put you through, that's actually pretty simple.

I'm not having a go because God knows I've got the T shirt for not ending things when I should have grin but honestly - come on! He's treated you like shit and cheated on you and his attempts to reel you back in are frankly insulting your intelligence. This really is as simple as saying to yourself: NO MORE.

And I seriously think you should consider counselling (actually not consider - bloody do it!) if you can't trust yourself not to start apologising to him and grovelling to have him back.

Yesterday was the last day of his shit. Ever. How great is that?!!!

Cabrinha Sat 02-Jul-16 16:40:52

I'm being harsh here but it's meant as tough love. "cannot get him out of my life" = "choose not to get him out of my life". Make the choice lovely! Stick with the choice you just made, it was a good one.

Personal stuff: ignore him, always.
If he does anything at work that can't be ignored, report him to your manager.

If he's trying to get you back - ignore.
If he's abusive - tell him to back off or you'll go to the police. And mean it.

Flurple Sat 02-Jul-16 16:58:04

Tough love is what I need right now, thank you.
I can't afford a second phone, I have no choice in that.
I do have a choice to woman up and i am going to work on that from this day on. Yesterday was the last day of his shit and I feel good, but I miss him I will need to ignore that and move the fuck on.

loobyloo1234 Sat 02-Jul-16 17:24:28

OP, what you have to do is think, in 5 years time, if he carries on treating you this way, how much worse will it get and how much harder will it be to walk away? You are worth more than this flowers

Flurple Sat 02-Jul-16 17:55:23

I don't want to be going through this in 5 years time. That's a good point.

loobyloo1234 Sat 02-Jul-16 18:03:28

I have been there Flurple - get out whilst you are still strong. It only gets harder. Trust me. At least this way, you will look back on this in 5 years time and wonder what the hell you ever saw in him in the first place instead smile

SandyY2K Sat 02-Jul-16 18:30:24

Why would you even contemplate the fact that you made a mistake dumping this jerk?

Do you want to get used for sex again?
Ignored in front of friends? Or cheated on again?

I suspect the answer to all these things in a resounding No, so stick with your decision and ask yourself if he really needs to be one of your contacts for work.

Some men just treat women badly. They are idiots and you should steer well clear of them. He is one of them.

SandyY2K Sat 02-Jul-16 18:31:03

*is a resounding No.

AnyFucker Sat 02-Jul-16 21:05:54

but, but, but....

Next time, don't shit on your own doorstep. There is a lesson to be learned here.

Flurple Sat 02-Jul-16 21:34:32

I don't know why I'd think I made a mistake, he doesn't deserve me not by any stretch of the imagination. He really does need to be a contact for work I've blocked him on all social media and have spent tonight looking for roles in other departments in my business.
I know it sounds like I'm making excuses but I'm not, I'm not sure what you mean by don't shit on your own doorstep though AF?

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