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I think this is it. The end.

(34 Posts)
FeministKilljoy Sat 02-Jul-16 00:18:20

It's been 11 years of ups and downs and I think tonight is the last down. I want to cry my eyes out but it's not coming. I'm so angry I could beat him with a brick and I'm so sad I could....nothing. There's nothing. I'm in such a jumble I think I've just wimped out of speaking to him and written it down here.

FeministKilljoy Sat 02-Jul-16 00:20:31

He called me a fat cunt tonight. In the whole 11 years he's never resorted to calling me fat in an argument but tonight he did. How stupid to be upset! I am fat but I thought he didn't see the fat because he saw me. Haha. Idiot that I am.

Fedupd0tcom Sat 02-Jul-16 00:22:44

Sending you a big hug. X

Lilacpink40 Sat 02-Jul-16 00:23:34

It's hard, but for me 6 months down the road it's not as hard as living with a twat.

Your twat sounds like he needs a good kicking out the door and the door firmly shut.

Fedupd0tcom Sat 02-Jul-16 00:24:37

You say you've been unhappy for a long time. Right now you are obviously upset. Have a cup of tea or something to drink that will calm and soothe you. Try and sleep if you can. Then tomorrow if you can...get out of the home and away from him. Try if you can to have some time to think....think calmly what you may do next. X

Fedupd0tcom Sat 02-Jul-16 00:25:51

Have a if you leave him...or tell him to have a plan of action to support yourself with xx be strong hon x

FeministKilljoy Sat 02-Jul-16 00:26:57

Tomorrow he'll not speak. If he does it will be to say sorry and that he was drunk and didn't mean it. He does mean it. He doesn't even like me, let alone love me. I've wasted 11 years and now I'm nearly 40. Ffs.

ExtraHotLatteToGo Sat 02-Jul-16 00:30:46

That's really horrible, what a nasty bastard.

It sounds like you'd be better off out of that relationship, life's too short to be so 'nothing'.

If you do leave, be prepared for 'sellers remorse'. It's so easy to feel like you've done the wrong thing & try to 'fix it'. But if you stay strong and ride the wave, you'll come out the other end so much happier.

ExtraHotLatteToGo Sat 02-Jul-16 00:32:18

💐. So be strong, Don't waste 21 years and be almost 50 xx

FeministKilljoy Sat 02-Jul-16 00:33:38

God I'm so fucking mad. So angry. I convinced myself he'd changed and I don't think he can. Do you know how this started? Because my 13 yo DD had eaten his pringles.

RoryGilmore Sat 02-Jul-16 00:35:36

Hello? Are you me? I could have written this. My EX 'd' p has been a total shithead to me all night.

FeministKilljoy Sat 02-Jul-16 00:35:44

So he called us both selfish fuckers. Over a tube of pringles. If somebody ate my pringles I'd say ooh you bastard you owe me a tub next time. He called us fuckers, thieving twats.

RoryGilmore Sat 02-Jul-16 00:36:11

He once started a massive row because I put two books on his bookcase.

FeministKilljoy Sat 02-Jul-16 00:36:54

God Rory I'm sorry you are going through this too. Do you want to talk about it?

RoryGilmore Sat 02-Jul-16 00:37:14

Also 11 years. Also the last down. Fuck this shit... We don't need to live like this.

RoryGilmore Sat 02-Jul-16 00:38:10

I'm OK, I made the decision and sorted my ducks. He's an ex, but he just needs to go now. You sound like you're on the same path.

FeministKilljoy Sat 02-Jul-16 00:40:14

I'm such a failure to my username. I want a crying grovelling apology, for him to admit he's wrong and never do it again. He could do that if I talked at him for an hour and he wanted to resume normal service.

FeministKilljoy Sat 02-Jul-16 00:42:32

He'd do it again though. He doesn't want my life. Or my daughter. Or my dog. Why can't I just say fuck off? I'm worried how I'll manage financially alone. I'm worried my daughter will hate me. He's been her dad since she was 2. I want to cry so badly!

FeministKilljoy Sat 02-Jul-16 00:43:33

I want him to be the mani thought he was. There's the crux of it. He's not that man.

Bananasinpyjamas1 Sat 02-Jul-16 00:55:38

It's not a wasted 11 years, you are still you, you have a lot of life to live. It's emotional now but won't be later.

FeministKilljoy Sat 02-Jul-16 00:59:08

I can't see how I can extricate myself from this. It's all so connected. I'll lose my link with his kids and I don't want to. I don't want him to be alone but he will be, unless he finds a woman who likes being controlled.

FeministKilljoy Sat 02-Jul-16 00:59:50

Yet why do I give a fuck

housewifedesperate Sat 02-Jul-16 03:10:07

He's a twat, simple. Not helpful, but 16 months down the link, my stbxh called me ugly (i now I'm not) it's not about you, it's about him and his attitude and how you deal with it.
Repeat, not you x

Doinmummy Sat 02-Jul-16 03:15:49

You can go it alone, you will be fine, really you will. It's scary but once you get rid of him your thoughts will become clearer. This is no way to live and you deserve better.

Asprilla11 Sat 02-Jul-16 03:15:52

I'm so angry I could beat him with a brick

If you do decide to do this, make sure you ask for the thread to be deleted wink

Good luck OP, you WILL look back one day and think leaving was well worth it.

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