Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Unrequited love/lust and whatever else!

(24 Posts)
Paperclip15 Sat 02-Jul-16 00:05:49

Have recently deactivated Facebook to get away from the temptation of messaging someone. For background, we spent time together for a few months (non-romantically) and I felt an immediate spark, it was indescribable. No idea if the feeling was mutual and I never mentioned it, I haven't seen the guilty party for a few weeks and thought said feelings would subside, they haven't. Am constantly tempted to message or email but I don't.

When we first met I noticed that their body language was different towards me, it was inviting and open, as if they maybe felt the same. In my idiocy I must have seemed cold and non-responsive, because I was so convinced they would be horrified if they know, and eventually they changed towards me and sort of cut me out. So again my idiotic response has been to avoid messaging and speaking to them, even though I desperately want to. Realistically I know it wouldn't work. But the feelings won't go. hmmconfused

I'm a twat. Send help.

Lilacpink40 Sat 02-Jul-16 00:16:22

I've liked someone at work for 6 months. Even though I now think he has a girlfriend I still think of him. I felt he was giving me signs that he was keen too. My marriage ended 6 months ago so I don't think it would work even if he were single as I'm not ready.

I, like you, have taken the route of ignoring the person I'd most like to speak to as I don't think anything else would work.

Sorry it doesn't help but I can empathise.

BarbaraRoberts Sat 02-Jul-16 05:58:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HarmlessChap Sat 02-Jul-16 09:21:15

There are 2 things which strike me about this question. You describe them as the guilty party which seems odd as they don't appear to be guilty of anything and the whole thing is gender neutral, which makes me wonder if orientation may be a factor.

Ultimately if you are interested and think they might also be then ask them out on a date. If gender/orientation is a factor then one would hope that in this day and age even if you aren't their "type" they would feel at least flattered.

Anyway, nothing ventured nothing gained.

Thisisnow16 Sat 02-Jul-16 09:29:39

Old fashioned answer here.

Ask them out on a date by text or message for a coffee/drink. If they decline you will know one way or the other.

ButIbeingpoor Sat 02-Jul-16 11:25:33

Is there a mutual interest that could give you a way in? Film, event, new weird thing that you thought might intrigue him?

AnotherPrickInTheWall Sat 02-Jul-16 11:36:35

OP, why do you think it won't work?

Paperclip15 Sat 02-Jul-16 11:43:23

Your name made me laugh out loud Another grin

I have nil idea if it would have worked, we are from very different backgrounds and our lives were totally different. I'm a pretty simple person and their life is much more complicated confused but it could have been fine. Maybe? hmm


AnotherPrickInTheWall Sat 02-Jul-16 13:02:33

Why is their life more complicated? Are they already in a relationship?
If you felt there was a connection you ought to perhaps email them to ask how they are doing.
I agree with deleting your facebook page, I'm going to do the same soon.

Paperclip15 Sat 02-Jul-16 14:56:06

Facebook is a shower of shite in any event. Why are you canning yours?

They have children (not that it bothers me at all) and various other complications. I just don't think they would want me? sad

Hey ho. I'm too chicken to email when I don't have a reason, even when I do have a reason I don't get much back sometimes.

AnotherPrickInTheWall Sat 02-Jul-16 17:11:06

I'm canning mine for privacy reasons mostly.

TheDropBear Sat 02-Jul-16 17:26:51

Bite the bullet and ask them on a date, otherwise there's always gonna be a what if and that's harder to get over than a no.

Thisisnow16 Sat 02-Jul-16 17:40:52

What dropthebear said.

Also there is a lot of these on here, I always think what if the worst happened, would you always regret not saying how you felt?

AnotherPrickInTheWall Sat 02-Jul-16 17:42:15

Yes I agree, rejection is far easier to get over.

ThisIsTheRightTime Sat 02-Jul-16 20:16:03

I'm dropping in to give another vote of approval for the importance of saying how you feel. I've been flirted with for over three months now but, without getting into boring details, nothing much has happened apart from a tentative game of push-me pull-you. There is sexual tension between us but since I mostly only see him at his workplace it's very hard to communicate/flirt with bosses, brothers and colleagues hanging around. I've got to the point where I need clarity. Monday is my last chance to tell him how I feel and it's got to the place where a probable rejection will be less painful than living in this draining state of uncertainty.

What makes me laugh the most is that all I've wanted from the start is a fling. There is no future for us as he's heaps younger (aka very fit). We could have had a lighthearted bit of fun but clearly we're both too crap at communication (aka nursing old wounds) to get things rolling.

FreeFromHarm Sat 02-Jul-16 20:34:22

Go on, you never know, you might be surprised, take it you are both single ?

ThisIsTheRightTime Sat 02-Jul-16 20:41:12

Yes, FreeFromHarm, if you are asking me? We are both single!

Thisisnow16 Sat 02-Jul-16 20:41:54

I know of a couple of friends who often thought of a lost love only to find out years later that they had actually died.

Don't waste it if you really feel it, however complicated it may appear.

ThisIsTheRightTime Sat 02-Jul-16 20:51:27

And then there's my aunt, married for fifty five years, who was hankering after her first love, a Portuguese scientist, and who, after a few years of reaching out via the Portuguese Embassy, etc. found him at the age of eighty five and they've been communicating via letter and 'phone. Neither will be unfaithful to their spouses but both have admitted they never ceased to love one another.

AnotherPrickInTheWall Sat 02-Jul-16 21:46:21

If he doesn't reply to your emails, I'm wondering if he is worth the bother.
I'm being pursued by an old colleague whom I LIKE, but in no way am attracted to. I find it better to keep him at arms length.
He's attractive, articulate, successful with no baggage. Alas no chemistry on my part.
May I ask your age OP?

AnyFucker Sat 02-Jul-16 21:49:13

All these "complications"

The other party isn't single, right ?

Are you going to answer that question or not.

AnotherPrickInTheWall Sat 02-Jul-16 22:21:02

I was thinking the same think AF. I've been there ; trying to rationalise reasons for acting upon "attraction" in the hope there was a chance for " us".

Paperclip15 Sun 03-Jul-16 11:25:02

Yes they are. I didn't want to say that because it would look like I wanted to come between that, which I very much don't. I can't help ridiculous stubborn feelings though sad I have tried my best to eradicate them believe me! alcohol hasn't helped

Thanks all for your replies, they have cheered me up. I do get replies, but they are blunt. Much much different to how we are in person, which I never understand. However, I did get an email out of the blue from them yesterday which I didn't expect shockgrin

another he sounds great, what's stopping you giving it a date? Maybe in a more personal setting he might appeal more? And I'm mid 30s, although emotionally I do sometimes wonder grin

prioritymail Thu 14-Jul-16 09:34:35

How's it going paperclip? Was watching your thread and wondering if you had resolved anything since your last post. I was a bit confused on that one, as you said the other person was single, but you hadn't said that before, as you didn't want to come between that?? Between what? I must have missed something... smile

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now