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I'm going to ask him to leave.

(52 Posts)
Fratelli Fri 01-Jul-16 19:01:18

I think I'm going to ask my partner (I'll refer to him as CJ-short for cock jockey) to leave. If he refuses I'm going to leave with our son. This is quite a long story so I won't blame anyone for not making it to the end!

I feel so so stupid. Our son is 17 months now but when he was 3 weeks old I found out CJ had cheated on me with someone from work twice. Once when I was heavily pregnant and again when he was on paternity leave when ds was almost 3 weeks old. After leaving and staying with my mum for a while I stupidly decided to give it a go. I think because I felt vulnerable and unable to cope alone.

It was tough but I really felt as though I trusted him again. He cut her off and she has left the workplace (I know this as I know a couple of people who work there). CJs family know all about it as I told them why I had left and they were horrified. They were incredibly supportive of me. Anyway, yesterday I just had a feeling something was wrong. Exactly the same feeling as last time. So I looked at his phone. There were messages to a girl, innocent messages but there were only two and they were clearly part of a conversation. The rest had been deleted. CJ works nights and I asked him if he had been messaging anyone, even in a friendly way. He said no, nobody has messages him on fb for months, he wouldn’t have time bla bla bla. He even showed me. So he has obviously deleted the messages.

Whether there is something to it or not he has lied to me and broken trust again. I feel I have the strength to do what I should have done from the start and end it. But I'm scared! How will I cope financially? I work pt but in a minimum wage job and couldn't afford nursery fees! We joint own the house but hardly any equity in it. Am I doing the right thing for ds? I just feel jumbled. That familiar feeling of my stomach churning is back. Sorry it's so long. I need a hand hold if anyone made it this far!

Oddsocksgalore Fri 01-Jul-16 19:03:35

Get rid op, what a cunt.

Fratelli Fri 01-Jul-16 19:07:39

For some reason that comment has cheered me right up!

NovemberInDailyFailLand Fri 01-Jul-16 19:14:28

I think you are. I don't say this lightly - my husband has cheated in the past, and we seem to have had success so far in rebuilding our marriage. However, if it happened again, and I include discovering messages, and especially deleted ones, I would need to conclude he had simply become better at 'hiding' his vile behaviour.

Fratelli Fri 01-Jul-16 19:17:23

That's exactly it November. He may have continued all along. I feel like such an idiot. But then remind myself he's the idiot for ruining things. I feel so anxious!

NovemberInDailyFailLand Fri 01-Jul-16 19:27:05

Well, you're not an idiot. I felt stupid, too. I am very trusting, and when I realised that I'd never questioned the trips, never looked at his 'phone or in his pockets, when if I had done so, I would have known so much quicker.

It's particularly distasteful that he did it when you were about to have his baby.

I've said this before - I think infidelity can be overcome if it is isolated, inone situation. And the desire for reconciiation, counselling etc is driven by them, not you. Doing it again, though? It shows utter contempt for you and that he is taking the piss. I don't think that can be fixed.

Fratelli Fri 01-Jul-16 19:31:25

You're totally right. He just has no respect for me whatsoever. That hurts so much. It shows he hasn't changed at all. He certainly doesn't love me or particularly care for me.

I have no idea how I will manage alone though. I am getting a promotion but only a small pay rise and the hours mean that nurseries aren't an option.

NovemberInDailyFailLand Fri 01-Jul-16 19:41:31

Did you tell him you know he deleted the other messages? I'd want answers. And no, no respect at all. It wasn't just the cheating itself, for me. One of the hardest parts was that he'd risked me getting a disease, condoms don't protect against everything. Doubly so for you, and your baby. You were very vulnerable, physically and emotionally.

I know it will be hard - you'll have a lot of thinking to do re: practical options, I would certainly be very stuck if I were forced to end my marriage. But, gone are the days when women are forced to stay in horrible marriages, and you will sleep easily in the knowledge that at least you are not being lied to.

Fratelli Fri 01-Jul-16 19:57:22

No, I haven't been able to face that conversation yet. In a way I don't care. He'll probably just lie anyway. Yes the fact that he put our baby at risk really hurt.

I'm very lucky in that I have a very supportive family so we won't end up homeless at least!

Chillyegg Fri 01-Jul-16 20:06:12

Op. I'm in a similar situation I've left my DH for having an affair and getting the troll pregnant. I forgave and forgave everytime he didn't come home or said it was just a one night stand. And quite frankly......I hate his gutalking now he's shown that again and again he's taken my love and trust and pissed on it. He did all this while I was pregnant and with a new born.
It's fiend op money will be hard but life's to short to be churned up every day because some tosser can't keep his cock In his pants. The second guessing and the questioning but is the hardest bit. But once you let it all go it's so very freeing

Fratelli Fri 01-Jul-16 20:11:13

Chilly thank you for replying and flowers for you. I just don't understand how they can do it. How long ago did you leave him if you don't mind me asking?

FreeFromHarm Fri 01-Jul-16 20:37:30

Same as chilly, please leave, no point staying, sorry

Fratelli Fri 01-Jul-16 20:54:04

I know. I'm going to see if he will leave first until we discuss finances etc.

SandyY2K Fri 01-Jul-16 21:37:21

You're right to end this.

He's not a great guy.

Chillyegg Fri 01-Jul-16 23:21:17

I left Saturday his family are torn to piecesee but...he shouldn't of put his cock In another women so there you go. You can't live your life for other people dear

Lilacpink40 Fri 01-Jul-16 23:26:11

My STBXH cheated and I'd never have him back now. There have been ups and downs since he left (Jan).

The biggest up is not having his lies and misery in my face and the biggest down is thst really I know the relationship died 7 years ago, and I wish I'd faced it at that point.

I'd advise you to do this now and know it will be hard rather than drag it out. flowers

Fratelli Sat 02-Jul-16 06:05:32

Gosh Chilly that's very recent. I hope you're ok.

Lilac you're right. I know I should have ended it straight away but I didn't have the strength.

He'll be back from work at 9. I have no idea what to say to him. I feel sick.

NovemberInDailyFailLand Sat 02-Jul-16 06:12:15

I find a very calm 'I know what's been going on' is very effective.

Fratelli Sat 02-Jul-16 06:35:33

Yesterday I asked him if he had been messaging anyone and he said no. He wasn't even phased. It seems as though lying is nothing to him now.

WellErrr Sat 02-Jul-16 06:38:19

You're doing the right thing.

Just say 'I know you've been messaging another woman. You've lied to me again. I can no longer trust you android relationship is over. I don't want to give DC too much upheaval so would appreciate it if you would leave since it's all your fault and you've brought it all upon yourself you utter cunt.

WellErrr Sat 02-Jul-16 06:38:46

*and our

Fratelli Sat 02-Jul-16 06:47:09

Thank you. My heart feels like it's going to beat out my chest. I'm so anxious.

Fratelli Sat 02-Jul-16 07:03:57

I know he'll turn it around on me. He'll say "why we're you looking at my phone? It just proves you don't trust me" bla bla bla.

wannabestressfree Sat 02-Jul-16 07:08:36

My response would be 'that's the least of your worries and I have to look as you cannot keep it in your trousers' am revoir.... your mum's expecting.
Then take dc off out and hopefully he will be gone before you get back....

MessyBun247 Sat 02-Jul-16 07:17:50

I remember my ex saying that when he got caught out! 'You went through my phone, you obviously don't trust me'.

Um.....pretty sure I don't trust you cus you're a lying cheating twat?

Fucking knob!!

Hope you are OK flowers don't let him twist this and make you feel bad. You are not in the wrong here.

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