Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Paternity Testing

(16 Posts)
sunlover123 Fri 01-Jul-16 17:18:08

Hello All,

My first post as I'm desperate for some advice. My brother has got a 4 week old baby at home living with my mum and his girlfriend.
Happened very suddenly last year and they hadn't been seeing each other very long.
Long story short they had a place of their own renting but realised the cost of having a child would be mean having my mum around would be better.

The GF's from Brazil and something felt a bit off (she deleted her FB and Insta - there were no photos of my brother or the new baby....) and so I did some digging and it turns out she has this massive past with her own kids back in Brazil (which she failed to mention)

Now my mum and I are super concerned that the baby isn't his and can't go through the normal channels to check as she and my brother are having none of it.
My mum is worried that the baby isn't my brothers and wants a DNA test - after all they are living for free at mums!

Any ideas any one? Can we buy a Paternity test online to check? I'm sure my mum could persuade him to give her a swap. Has anyone tried on?

Thanks for the advice in advance!

sunlover123 Fri 01-Jul-16 17:19:21

*meant swab - oops

Goingtobeawesome Fri 01-Jul-16 17:21:00

Stay out of it. If your brother wants to believe the baby is his then that's up to him. Of course the baby deserves to know it's real genetics but it's not your business.

WombOfOnesOwn Fri 01-Jul-16 17:29:48

If your mother is letting the woman and baby stay rent-free based on the idea that it is also your brother's baby, then it's easy enough for her to make the test a condition of their continued free rent.

Having been in the situation of living with a man's parents for a few months while pregnant, I can guarantee this would have made me very angry at MIL, but I'd have done it and been very "I told you so" about the results, having been totally faithful to my husband since the day we met.

SandyY2K Fri 01-Jul-16 17:31:28

You have to get a sample from the baby and your brother. It's possible, but what will you do if it's not his?

All you need to do is Google it and you'll find a way. It will cost around £3 - £400.

Getting a sample to test from your brother will be more tricky than from the baby.

Did she fail to tell your brother she has kids? If he know now and has accepted it, then you ought to leave him to it.

If he's happy with that kind of withholding info - what can you really do.

WinnieTheW0rm Fri 01-Jul-16 17:33:35

Tests can be carried out without a sample from the mother, but the results are not considered conclusive in these circumstances. How do you propose to get consent for a maternal sample, if you want a better quality answer?

I'm amazed your actions haven't precipitated a family crisis already, if you/your DM have spoken to both of them about this.

MrsBertBibby Fri 01-Jul-16 17:38:06

You can get test kits but even if you can get your brother to agree to test himself and the baby, it's really not OK to do it behind the mum's back.

It has to be his call to ask her. If he trusts her, he trusts her.

Cabrinha Fri 01-Jul-16 17:44:58

It's totally up to your brother.
Though tbh nothing you've said suggests it isn't his baby.

dizzyfucker Sun 03-Jul-16 15:27:54

If she's not paying maintenance for her children in Brazil there is likely to be an arrest warrent out for her as child maintenance is enforced by law in Brazil. That may be why she didn't mention it and might be a reason for not having or deleting social media. Why did your digging automatically lead you to the conclusion that the baby is not your brothers or did you suspect this anyway? I think you cannot force him to take a DNA test. Raising suspicion is going to cause a rift in your relationship with him.

HeddaGarbled Sun 03-Jul-16 15:57:51

If your brother doesn't want to do a DNA test that is up to him. It would be unethical and possibly illegal to do one without his consent. You and your mum need to butt right out.

If your mum doesn't want them living with her, that's another issue which she should address in a proper adult manner rather than this juvenile Eastenders/Jeremy Kyle style behaviour.

Fredmitten Sun 03-Jul-16 17:18:41

It is unlawful to test without your brother's consent - and there may potentially be an issue as to who can consent on the child's behalf (as Mum's the only certainty).

I would think (hope!) that any of the testing companies would ask for mum's consent for the baby's sample.

Pinkheart5915 Sun 03-Jul-16 17:21:31

Really stay out of this.

Your brother is a grown man and It is up to your brother if he wants a DNA test or not.

Arfarfanarf Sun 03-Jul-16 17:21:37

What makes you think the baby isnt his?

VimFuego101 Sun 03-Jul-16 17:25:30

Before you push for the test, I would think about the consequences - if you antagonize her and break them up, she could disappear back to Brazil with the child. Your brother would then potentially have a legal battle to see his child.

Sparklesilverglitter Sun 03-Jul-16 17:28:12

Stay out of it. It is Absouletly not up to you or your Mum to decide you want a DNA test.

Your brother is an adult only he can decide if he wants the test or not if he does not want one you accept it is none of your business and leave it

Obliviated Sun 03-Jul-16 17:34:37

If my DP's mother demanded a DNA test and spent time convincing my DP to sneak around behind my back it would be the end of my relationship. How do you get passed that breach of trust! I would never forgive mil's interference, wouldn't trust her to look after the baby - you're creating a life time of problems. You and your mother should mind your own business.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now