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Looking for support for *the* chat

(15 Posts)
Isaintheshop Fri 01-Jul-16 16:13:05

I can't do it anymore. I've said its over since 27th of December, I've had the formal chat after seeing my solicitor on the 22nd Jan. After 3 solicitors letters DH has just been ignoring, head in the sand but then when the court ultimatum letter came he said he wanted counselling. And to try.
That was the 25th April. I said I would go once as a forum to get the communication going but still no date. We're living parallel lives, not speaking or snapping. He's been away for a couple of weeks and life has been relaxed, all the things that seem hard have been easy.
Talking to friends, I don't want to try. I'd prefer not to be divorced and have to co-parent and have my lovely little boy have weekends away from me but living like this is awful. Life would be harder needing to sort out nannies etc but I would be free. I can't imaging ever wanting to hug or be close or have sex with someone I used to love.
I need to do the chat AGAIN and I really need to hear a bit of positive encouragement. Or that thing MN does really well where someone tells you to pull your big girls pants up and get on with it.

GothyGeisha Fri 01-Jul-16 20:46:32

Do you really think he will listen this time? How about just serving the divorce papers. He's had plenty of chances to sort things out.
You do what you need to do for you now, put yourself and your child first. Or you could be backwards and forwardsing for months or years.

Isaintheshop Fri 01-Jul-16 22:35:16

Good point. It feels like I just need to say it, out loud to his face, then I can get as solicitory as I need to. I was really hoping to avoid court but can't see it happening

BurningBridges Fri 01-Jul-16 23:02:20

are you still in the same house? Will you need to sell or does he need to find somewhere else?

Isaintheshop Sat 02-Jul-16 07:34:56

Still in the same house and he refuses to go. I could buy him out but he doesn't know that. SW

Oddsocksgalore Sat 02-Jul-16 13:44:14

How horrible for you to live like that.

Concentrate on how good it felt when he was away and focus on that when having the chat.

Just bite the bullet op. Tell him you want him out and don't let on that your in a position to buy him out, tell him nothing.

If he ignores, I would give it a week and then go to a solicitor. You have no choice.

TheNaze73 Sat 02-Jul-16 14:00:03

Be direct, most men can't do subtle. You're going to need to be cruel to be kind. Good luck flowers

Isaintheshop Mon 04-Jul-16 09:47:35

Cheers for all your support. Its not been good. Had every gamut of repsonse yesterday, sulking, anger, name calling, tears, stomping off. Definitely heart hardening stuff I'm sad to say

CrazyDuchess Mon 04-Jul-16 10:06:00

Did you have the chat?? Is that what kicked off the response??

Isaintheshop Mon 04-Jul-16 12:06:18

I'm afraid so. Its like none of the chats before had gone in. Its the strange mix of relief of having got things out from under the carpet and fear for the future

Isaintheshop Thu 07-Jul-16 14:50:33

Oh boy. Still continuing the chat. He thinks we can try, we can make it work. No sign of anything actually changing. I don't think he's heard anything I;ve said.
Its our sodding anniversary soon too.

CrazyDuchess Thu 07-Jul-16 19:54:27

I think I would just go ahead and serve papers.... you know what you need to do, you don't need his permission or agreement. You have tried to discuss it with him - don't waste any more energy

FolderReformedScruncher Thu 07-Jul-16 20:02:39

Agree with Crazy and others on here. Just crack on. It's like talking into a bucket.

ThePigeon314 Thu 07-Jul-16 20:14:42

I used to be with a man like this.

Don't engage. It will feed in to his 'game' that by ignoring it you need to talk him in to accepting it. Like, permission is not granted until he accepts it.

Bollix to that. Don't make the mistake I made of spending 18 months waiting for his blessing and his approval to leave. It never came.

Serve the papers. Think to yourself 'what power does he have to stop me ..... x, y, z'

If he is not your boss, your parole officer, what can he REALLY stop you from doing. Probably very little. And he knows that, which is why he will stick with this head in the sand thing if it keeps things stuck with you appealing to him for his blessing to leave.

Isaintheshop Fri 08-Jul-16 10:01:44

Cheers ladies. ITs bollocks isn't it. You only need 1 person to want out to make it done. Its done.

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