Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Fed up of doing the mundane work!

(10 Posts)
Atlas15 Fri 01-Jul-16 13:08:58

I have snapped.
It is very petty I admit, but I am fed up of doing the boring jobs around the house not general chores but other stuff.
Example, if I go food shopping when I come home I put everything away, if dh goes food shopping he gets everything out in the sitting room to show me and then expects me to put it away.
Picking up his plate and rubbish around the house like I'm his mum. Writing boring emails for him and dealing with his correspondence. I know it is for no other reason other than its boring.
I've started saying no now. Write it yourself, phone them yourself.
No one helped me do it.
I feel kind of selfish but I hate that I am expected to do it.

MyKingdomForBrie Fri 01-Jul-16 13:23:38

It's not selfish to not do his boring crap!! He's selfish to ask you to do it.

tribpot Fri 01-Jul-16 13:35:53

There may be logic in one person putting the shopping away, in that it means there is one system for where everything goes (quite often my DH will move everything around in the fridge if I've unloaded the shopping for example). However, that doesn't appear to be the case here and would probably need a different division of labour, i.e. one person does all the food shopping whilst the other puts it away.

Doing his email and other boring stuff - why did you start doing it? Did he ever give a justification that made sense? We'd all like to have someone to do all the mundane stuff for us, but life doesn't work that way. Time for him to learn that.

chocoLit Fri 01-Jul-16 13:38:48

Just stop it then. I no longer buy birthday/Mother's Day/father's day cards etc for him so nobody gets anything. His mother isn't best pleased but tough. I work more than full time so does he but I don't see why I should pick up the slack.

Household chores are shared although we have preferences so if works.

Just stop doing them.

Atlas15 Fri 01-Jul-16 14:13:07

He said that I more articulate than him when writing emails and on the phone but I'm not. I know he is just lazy.
Today he done the shopping thing and I said "are you going to leave it there? I'm not putting it away" he said "I've just done the shopping why can't you put it away?"
I said " why should I? Do you help me?"
Then he went off to the kitchen and only put the milk and meat in the fridge and left everything else out. Pissed me right off.

GashleyCrumbTiny Fri 01-Jul-16 14:14:29

I don't understand why you were writing his emails for him in the first place? Can completely see why that's annoying and you'd want to stop but - just stop. Why on earth would you provide him with secretarial support?!

tribpot Fri 01-Jul-16 14:21:27

Unfortunately you're now at a Mexican stand-off over this shopping. Whoever puts it away has 'lost' this round. Stand your ground.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Fri 01-Jul-16 14:32:15

You must not put the shopping away. Go out of the house if you have to.

There will be more battles like shopping-gate over the next little while.

Everyone else will be pissed off at having to do their own boring shit and will pull out all the stops to make you revert to being a doormat.

Resist with all your might. If you blink first you might never escape the drudgery. Seriously.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Fri 01-Jul-16 14:39:57

Remember they only expect you to do the mundane stuff because you do actually do the mundane stuff.

You expect him to not do mundane stuff because your experience is that he won't

The expectation will only change after the behaviours have changed.

As a general rule of thumb, others will expect you to do it until you have not done it more times than you have done it.

So, think on how many times you've put his shopping away and then promise yourself to not put his shopping away that many times plus a few more before you ever risk doing it again. Same for discarded plates etc.

Change your behaviour (words are irrelevant here, only actions matter). After a few weeks of growing pains he will have new expectations of you.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 01-Jul-16 14:59:19

I'd go and see him and tell him that I am going out for a bit of space and that the shopping had better all be away by the time I get back.
Then go and leave him to it.
I hate these entitled men.
I can't imagine coming home with the shopping and OH just leaving me to it.
Unless he's working on his PC doing actual work then he would get up and help me, after he had brought it in from the boot of the car.
I have a lovely helpful OH though.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now