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Introverts: are there times when you just can't face talking to someone?

(42 Posts)
AmiesArmy Thu 30-Jun-16 20:02:25

For example, today i had 2 long meetings attended by lots of people, with a half hour gap in between. After the first meeting i ran into a lovely colleague who i hadn't seen for ages, and probably won't see again for ages but i just didn't want to talk to her so i did a very quick hi and bye rushed off. I know that this possibly appeared rude to her, and that i often do this but i just needed a few minutes of quiet time.
Is this introvertism to it's extreme or do other introverts experience this? And if so how do you try to remain polite without getting sucked into social chat?

Doje Thu 30-Jun-16 20:05:29

I've just told my husband I need him to not talk to me for 10 minutes. blush

It's been a manic afternoon with the two kids, we'd done bedtime and then he started taking 'at' me about what's happened in politics today.

I can't advise how to do it politely though.... Maybe just lie and say you have to be somewhere?

wobblywonderwoman Thu 30-Jun-16 20:09:06

I sympathise op. I have just bought the book 'Quiet'

I dont think people know I am quiet as I try and be sociable as much as possible but it drains the hell out of me. Even dh gets on my nerves a bit and I prefer to think things through and sort out dilemas on my own

ZansForCans Thu 30-Jun-16 21:21:10

Oh god yes I do this. On nights out for example at a restaurant or gig, I'll sit in the toilet for 10 minutes (or more) just to get some time on my own. I do live in an area with a bit of a community spirit and there are lots of chance encounters and chats, and I manage... but if I can't face it I will duck out of the way so someone doesn't spot me (if I saw them first!) or speed up my pace and then when I say hi I say "sorry can't stop, have to get to the bank!" or whatever.

I once hid behind a white van to avoid talking to a friend - a friend I actually like too, but I was just drained and didn't have it in me. Trouble is she then stopped to chat to someone else, so I was stuck behind the van for ages.

Myusernameismyusername Thu 30-Jun-16 21:27:40

I do this frequently. Weirdly not with my children but adults. My family do not like it or understand it. I refuse to do endless chit chat with them a lot of the time, I just don't like it!

I'm very sociable and chatty but I have a low tolerance level for socialising, I spend quite a lot of my spare time alone now too

I do the work toilets a lot too!

Myusernameismyusername Thu 30-Jun-16 21:28:33

I had to be really honest with my mother about it unfortunately and it wasn't a nice conversation

DiggersRest Thu 30-Jun-16 21:34:20

Myusername, l would describe myself as social and chatty too, but l need to recharge and at the moment I'm on mat leave with dd2 so there is no recharge time.

I'm exhausted but will lay in bed not sleeping just getting 'me time' where it's quiet. I don't think anyone apart from my parents who saw me as a teenager struggling with this know that's how l am.

I used to think l was weird but MN has shown me I'm not. Or that there are other weirdos like me grin

ridiculouspirate Thu 30-Jun-16 21:44:17

Yes. If I have to do more than one "lots of people" thing in a day I really struggle without quiet/alone time.

LittleMissUpset Thu 30-Jun-16 21:45:38

I work in retail, and thankfully it's only one day a week, I'm exhausted the day after! It's so draining.

I also like to have my earphones in and love audio books in an evening, OH tries talking to me and can't understand I just want a bit of quiet time once the kids are in bed. I love DS1 to bits but he talks constantly! It's exhausting.

It's only recently I realized I'm an introvert and that its ok!

LittleMissUpset Thu 30-Jun-16 21:46:30


Bytheseabythesea Thu 30-Jun-16 21:51:46

Yes! I find it so exhausting. I've got better at protecting my alone time, hiding in the loos, popping to the shop by myself etc. Since having my daughter I can give her as much attention as she needs but then my resources are used up. DH gets very little of my undivided attention these days confused

IonaNE Thu 30-Jun-16 21:54:37

Yes. I generally find people exhausting.

Xenadog Thu 30-Jun-16 21:59:35

Everyone I work with and lots of my friends from outside of work think I'm a real extrovert as I'm so sociable, chatty and bubbly. If you ever need someone to mingle and get people from one group to chat with another I'm your woman. I can talk to anyone and everyone but by heck is it tiring!

Most days I come home feeling "peopled out" and just want to veg and not speak - quite difficult with a toddler! A whole day spent alone would be quite a nice experience for me but I don't think I will be getting one soon.

MrsJayy Thu 30-Jun-16 22:01:58

I just told dd to shush she is VERY chatty and it can be to much she seems to think you have to fill the silent gaps with words

HarryPottersMagicWand Thu 30-Jun-16 22:08:48

Yes! I love a good gossip and a chat. But there are limits and there are times I just don't want to talk or put any effort into seeing people. Evenings can be like this. Poor DH gets ignored and grunted at when I don't want to talk. He's usually prattling on about who has signed where in football too, I don't give a shit (and have told him, it doesn't work though).

I have had to tell the DCs to be quiet numerous times. They are loud and very talkative and talk at me a lot, one about a certain passion he has and he can go on and on and on and on and on even after I have said to stop as I've had enough. It's very draining!

RingUpRingRingDown Thu 30-Jun-16 22:24:29

Yes. I spent all weekend doing something very sociable and full on and being on display. On Monday I couldn't bear to talk to anyone, even good friends. I just needed to be on my own somewhere quiet to recharge. It has taken until today to feel ok again. I felt utterly exhausted.

Flacidunicorn Thu 30-Jun-16 22:26:32

I could literally spend everyday without speaking to anyone. I would spend every day not speaking to anyone if it wasn't for a gf and toddler. grin

MrsJayy Thu 30-Jun-16 22:26:35

There is a woman i used to work beside who justblethered and blethered on we were a sedate bunch of 6 and she came in she was a really nice person but god the talking and she could never sit down

dudsville Thu 30-Jun-16 22:27:26

Little miss that's such a cute sign!

Yes I frequently tell my oh I need no talking time during say a drive away from a social engagement no matter how brief. I often have entire solitary days with v little sound.

Greenandmighty Thu 30-Jun-16 22:57:10

Ooh I'm right with you all! I also hid behind a bus stop once when I saw a friend approaching. I was with my teenage dd and couldn't face this friend's barrage of talk. She's the kind of person who just launches into a stream of chatter and questions and I felt drained at the thought of it so we hid while she passed by!grin At work, I feel physically exhausted when I've had too much people exposure and I work part time thank God. I think I come across as quite interested in people and I enjoy a chat and a gossip but I like to be able to escape. One of my biggest stresses is staying with friends more than 2 days when the socialising is constant. I just need some headspace. I quite often fake a headache or plead an early night to get away from everyone just to sit on bed and recharge my batteries. My dh is now sleeping in spare room as his snoring and my hot flushes caused us both disturbed sleep . Part of me feels this is not a good sign and I should insist he returns to our bed but I like my own space too much now. It's blissful to have my space at night. Guess I'm a bona fide introvert!shock

LaContessaDiPlump Thu 30-Jun-16 23:01:38

I used to hide from people too blush

The best weekend I ever had was on a silent retreat. Loads of people around, but no social obligation to speak; in fact we were meant to maintain silence. God but it was lovely! The others seemed relieved to be able to chat again at the end but I felt a bit wistful that it was over..... you'd all love it too, clearly grin

MrsJayy Thu 30-Jun-16 23:09:00

I have ducked into shops--like a weirdo-- to avoid people blushsome days its just to much i am chatty and can socialise but i sometimes find it difficult

MrsJayy Thu 30-Jun-16 23:11:34

Friend of mine is into yoga and mindfulness she goes on silent retreats I am not sure i could although if i had wifi i could just silently chat on mumsnet

OutsiderInTheGarden Thu 30-Jun-16 23:14:20

Oh yes. I often hide from people I really like or even love, too. I don't mean physically hide, like duck behind the sofa or something. But I text or email when I know I should really call someone, because I just can't face the speaking bit. Or I just avoid some social situations altogether because I know it'll be a bit much for me. I find that quiet time is an absolute necessity and if I can't have that quiet time I get what I call 'busy brain'. I've been reading a bit about Highly Sensitive People and certainly a lot of that resonates with me.

Sadly I don't really know how to deal with the situation you've described. Although I am now a SAHM, I was working up until a year ago in a very social job, where I would have to meet and talk to people constantly, go on tv and live radio and things like that. So very few people would think I was an introvert, or have those highly sensitive traits. I remember forcing myself to talk to people at work, like I was playing a part in a play, but it was physically and emotionally draining. I wish I had some useful words of wisdom for you OP.

rhodes2015 Thu 30-Jun-16 23:19:28

op this sounds exactly like me!
at work our car park is 5mins walk away from the office where i work, i sit in my car and wait for people to go ahead of me if they arrive at the same time so i dont have to walk up with them, i just dont want to talk!
i prefer womens company to men (apart from dh and dad obviously) and can be really chatty with women.
i also prefer an awkward silence to awkward idle small talk.

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