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Is this abuse?

(3 Posts)
ExeuntOmnes Thu 30-Jun-16 08:51:52

NC for this one.

A distant relative has come from abroad to stay with my elderly father. My mother died a few years ago. The relative is in her mid-40s, my father is in his 70s and reasonably active. It's not a sexual relationship (I'm sure of this) - she thinks of him as a second father, and we all thought him inviting her to stay was to help her through a difficult time. She has been here for several months. I have just been told that my father:

- insists on accompanying her everywhere
- won't let her stay with other people (family)
- hovers behind her to read what she does on her computer
- stays beside her when she's on the phone so he can hear what she's saying
- has told her to get out of his house because she wanted to spend time with people her own age
- launches into a furious tirade if she disagrees with him

She is still there but very unhappy. She has no privacy and is expected to be at his side at all times, with no say in how she spends her time. Another member of the family has offered to have her to stay for a couple of months, knowing that if this relative goes to stay there my father will refuse to speak to either of them for an extended period.

I recognise many of these behaviours from my own interactions with him, but it hadn't occurred to me before that they might be abusive. He seems to have ramped it up - I never experienced these behaviours to the same degree that he's inflicting on her. Abuse? Early signs of dementia? I've told her to get out ASAP and not worry about whether he talks to her again or not.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 30-Jun-16 09:48:31

It's very controlling so in turn, yes it's pretty abusive.
I hope she does get out and away from him.
It must be a horrible to live for her.

I've no idea what you do about your dad though.
Maybe suggest dementia and see how he reacts?

Nabootique Thu 30-Jun-16 10:13:05

Other than the last point, possibly, it does not sound like early dementia to me.

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