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Just called police on dh - now panicking and can't breathe

(72 Posts)
Mamaka Thu 30-Jun-16 01:54:30

Huge row tonight and he was drinking. He packed a bag and said he would leave tomorrow. I went to bed. Next thing I heard was him driving off. He's had half a bottle of whisky and 3 beers. I called the police and reported him for drink driving.

Now I can hardly breathe, I'm panicking I've done the wrong thing. They asked me so many questions including about dc and said Pre-school would be informed as it was a domestic incident.

I think maybe I'm having an anxiety attack.

Have I done the right thing?

TroubleinDaFamily Thu 30-Jun-16 01:56:16


Oddsocksgalore Thu 30-Jun-16 01:56:45

I agree

Redglitter Thu 30-Jun-16 01:56:57

Absolutely done the right thing. Yes

Letmehaveausername Thu 30-Jun-16 01:57:12

Him drink driving is a domestic incident and they have to inform the pre school? Sounds v odd... Normally it's the SS they involve if they've got concerns?

Oddsocksgalore Thu 30-Jun-16 01:57:38

I once reported someone coming out of a Chinese absolutely pissed and I called the police.


Asprilla11 Thu 30-Jun-16 01:58:26

OP - You have done the right thing, what if he crashes and injures himself, or someone else or death occurs?

You would never forgive yourself. The Police now have a chance to stop anything like that from happening. The loss of his driving licence is a lot better than loss of life.


Mamaka Thu 30-Jun-16 02:00:09

Well I guess the row was the domestic incident and they said they'd have to send a report to anyone involved with my dc eg Pre-school as their behaviour could be affected. That was when I started regretting calling them. They also asked if he was an alcoholic and I said I think he is. Now realising with hindsight these questions are to see if ss need to be involved, feel so so sick.

Still feeling panicky and feel like I have something stuck in my throat.

Enoughisenough9 Thu 30-Jun-16 02:01:06

I assume the drink driving and the domestic incident will be treated as different issues.

You totally did the right thing.

Enoughisenough9 Thu 30-Jun-16 02:02:24

Deep deep breaths. You didn't do anything wrong. He is responsible for his actions, not you.

Mamaka Thu 30-Jun-16 02:04:10

He knew I needed the car tomorrow for work and he said he wasn't leaving til tomorrow evening. Now I can't get to work. A little part of me wanted revenge and that part of me feels stupid for accidentally involving my dc.

Mamaka Thu 30-Jun-16 02:04:49

I can't get my heart to slow down. Any tips apart from deep breaths?

Letmehaveausername Thu 30-Jun-16 02:11:53

Are you in the uk OP? Because it's definitely not normal for the police to speak to nurseries, pre schools, child minders etc here unless there's been accusations of child abuse. For everything else they contact the SS and its down to the SS to contact schools etc.

Have a bath? They're normally relaxing. Perhaps a cuppa and some mindless tv, the hot liquid can be quite soothing.

Look around you and find five objects to focus on. Name them out loud. Find four noises you can hear, be it your own heart or the humming of the fridge, and name them out loud. Find three things you can smell, name them out loud. Two things you can touch, name them. One thing you can taste, name it.

You can do that in any order whatsoever. It's called grounding and when you're on the edge of a panic attack it can help immensely, your brain slows, your heart rate calms, your breathing returns to normal and you can think a little more clearly. Repeat as often as necessary. For me it's the only thing that helps when I am panicky and over anxious and can't get a grip of myself

QuestionableMouse Thu 30-Jun-16 02:12:50

Count to four in, hold for four, exhale for four.

You did the right thing. You can get a taxi or a lift into work.

goddessofsmallthings Thu 30-Jun-16 02:14:29

Make a cup of tea and focus on every movement and action it takes to make it - count them from holding the kettle, turning on the tap to fill it etc etc.

ReySkywalker Thu 30-Jun-16 02:16:18

Breathe in for four, out for six.
Try to focus on your periphery vision.
This will pass, you're ok

Letmehaveausername Thu 30-Jun-16 02:17:24

goddess that's quite a good one, I'm going to try that next time my anxiety kicks off and my normal method doesn't work (normally I just go into a full blown recurring panic attack when it doesn't work)

TroubleinDaFamily Thu 30-Jun-16 02:19:03

If your DH is stupid enough to drink and drive then he deserves everything he gets, it would be sad if anything happened to him and he left his children without a father, but he would have had free will.

The poor bugger he knocks down or crashes into would no such choice. angry

bkgirl Thu 30-Jun-16 02:24:45

oh dear just read this - are you ok?
Look he was a plonker for drink driving, has he done it before?
Maybe get some proper advice before you say much more to police. Ss can be a right pain. You obviously are well capable of looking after your dc.

Beeziekn33ze Thu 30-Jun-16 02:24:45

Trouble - exactly.
OP - I understand how anxious you are feeling but your brave sensible action may have saved your husband's life or someone else's.
I hope you feel better in the morning. You'll need a good friend or family member. If you can't sleep talk to the Samaritans. They are very patient and kind.

goddessofsmallthings Thu 30-Jun-16 02:54:19

You are correct in assuming that the row was a domestic incident and as a dc (do you only have one?) was present the police are obliged to notify SS who will most probably be in contact with you at some point in the next week or so.

But please don't panic as this doesn't mean your dc will be found to be at risk and the act of reporting your h for drinking and driving doesn't mean that he'll be apprehended unless the police spot the car while he's at the wheel and he's found to be over the limit.

Making the call was absolutely the right thing to do and the only thing you could do as your drunken h presents a risk to other road users, including pedstrians, as well as to himself and, as Asprilla has said, you'd never forgive yourself if anything untoward occurred and you hadn't done your utmost to prevent it.

Do you have any idea where your h may have gone? Is there a handsfree mobile device in the car? If so, you may wish to call him and tell him to get off the road, park up in a side street, and find an all night cafe/fast food shop where he can get a coffee before crashing out for a few hours on the back seat of the car or, providing you feel able to face him, getting a cab home.

The night magnifies negative events and makes them seem far worse than are when seen in the clear light of day. You've demonstrated that you're a woman of courage and i have no doubt that you'll be more than able to meet any challenges that may arise from your h's crass stupidity.

Try to get some sleep or at least lie on a bed or sofa, close your eyes, and visualise a scene that's particularly pleasing to you - it might be a work of art, a tropical beach, or your dc laughing up at you. Lose yourself in the scene; experience all the feelings you'd have if it was taking placing now and let all other thoughts wait their turn until you're able to tolerate their intrusion.

flowers It will all work out as it's meant to do and you must NEVER EVER reproach yourself, or allow your h or anyone else to reproach you, for doing the right thing.

amarmai Thu 30-Jun-16 03:04:08

Going out side on the balcony or the doorstep if you cannot go further. And look up at the sky while you slowly stroke your carotid arteries in your neck. That slows down my heart beat quickly and the outside space and the sky help me not to feel trapped. You did the right thing ,op. Hope you can contact a women's group and get assistance I sorting out things for you and dcc.

bkgirl Thu 30-Jun-16 03:10:08

good advice above smile

ClassicMonkey Thu 30-Jun-16 03:30:42

You did the right thing. Imagine if he crashed and killed someone. Him getting in to trouble is better than someone being killed because of his actions

Mamaka Thu 30-Jun-16 06:25:10

Thank you all so much, reading your replies calmed me down immensely and helped me to remember that I'd done the right thing, and that I'd vowed to myself to do it if I ever found myself in that situation again.

Love all the anxiety tips and will be using them today. I've had about 3 hours sleep and dd woke me up at 6 and my heart immediately went into overdrive again.

I've heard nothing from him or police and car is still gone. Just need to figure out how to get dc to childcare and myself to work. Might be a day of expensive taxis.

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