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Recovering from an alcohol dependency

(11 Posts)
mouse12 Wed 29-Jun-16 23:13:31

My husband has finally admitted to an alcohol dependency. He has hit rock bottom and is beside himself with self loathing. However, he is doing all the right things - going to his gp, getting counselling, etc. But he's so worried he won't get better. I know people do get better and recover - what can I do to help him, other than be there for him? Thank you.

Smorgasboard Thu 30-Jun-16 01:02:14

His attitude to it could be very telling. My ex-p has been open for a long time about alcohol dependency for years, so I'm a bit 'so what' about the not so big admission that is usually put up as a pivotal moment.
It's good he is doing the right things, the other considerations are, how long it has been going on, and the reasons why? IME, if it is a crutch they used because they never liked themselves before drink, as a sober person, and if there is history of other excessive indulgences or addictions, problems can arise during the rehab faze as then they are still faced with the sober person they don't like, which is what they are running from by drinking.
I think it depends on what he's hiding from in life, and how deep rooted his fears are (if that is the reason).
Self-loathing, may not be rock-bottom, be prepared for that. He may have always had an element of self-loathing anyway. He still has you, rock bottom is a subjective thing, to you it may be what you see now, to him, losing his family and being unable to work again and be totally reliant on others, may still not be his rock bottom. As long as there is someone there, to some it's not yet rock bottom if you have a roof over your head.
Meantime, access all possible help for yourself as well as encouraging your DH to do so.
In some ways, don't be there too much, he has to take responsibility and find the solution.

mouse12 Thu 30-Jun-16 01:38:47

Thank you so much for your reply. You are so right about the admission and that he may not yet be at rock bottom. Really good advice about accessing help - it's such tough going - and accepting that he needs to take responsibility. I just hope that he gets on top of this. Thank you again, it is much appreciated.

junebirthdaygirl Thu 30-Jun-16 01:55:49

I think there is a higher rate of success if he joins a support group as he always has someone to support him. Also as they know all the downfalls and ways they con themselves they call each other on it and challenge each other. I have experienced this with a member of my extended family and they are 30 months sober and joined AA. It would be a help if you had support yourself too. I hope it goes well.

Oddsocksgalore Thu 30-Jun-16 02:11:52

Wishing you both the very best op.

Looks like everything is going in the right direction.

Tell him you are proud of him.

mouse12 Thu 30-Jun-16 12:47:23

Thank you OddSocksGalore and JuneBirthdayGirl - I really appreciate your replies and advice. He has agreed to go a AA meetings - I don't know whether they are the right ones to help him, but it's step in the right direction. I have told him I'm proud of him - I actually am as I can see how hard this is for him - and believe he's going to make it. He feels awful, but he's doing the right things. Baby steps I guess. Thanks again.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm Thu 30-Jun-16 12:55:35

I also agree that this may well not be his rock bottom - that's usually pretty catastrophic for someone who's alcohol dependent. When I was drinking, my lowest point came when I was withdrawing so badly from a binge that I was nearly hospitalised. Prior to that, social services had been involved due to my drinking and my poor mental health - my children were on a child protection plan. Those things were bad and shameful enough, but they weren't 'rock bottom'. My rock bottom would be losing my kids, my husband, my home, and ultimately my own life through alcohol.

Prepare for relapses. I think it's something like 90% of alcoholics will relapse in the first 4 years of sobriety. It's very rare for someone to quit and stay sober at the first attempt, unless the illness/life factors BEHIND the alcoholism are addressed effectively.

One day at a time here. In fact, it may end up being an hour, or a minute at a time. Sobriety is a battle, and it's not one that's easily won. Your DH is taking the right steps. I wish you both luck - this CAN be done flowers

NoraBarlow111 Thu 30-Jun-16 12:58:32

I read an inspirational story this morning

community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10416588/120kg-79-8kg-in-18-months-but-that-wasnt-nearly-the-biggest-change-i-made#latest

mouse12 Thu 30-Jun-16 20:37:04

Beautygoestobenidorm, thank you for sharing and helping me understand. It was a difficult day today, but he got through it and didn't drink anything. I read your message earlier (apologies, couldn't reply at the time) and told my husband what you said about an hour or a minute at a time. I think it helped.
NoraBarlow, that's an incredible story. People's strength when they need it never fails to amaze me. Thank you for your replies both of you.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm Thu 30-Jun-16 21:21:00

Mouse, I'm so glad it helped - feel free to message me any time, I'll help as best I can smile

mouse12 Fri 01-Jul-16 12:02:58

Thank you Beauty

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