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Am I wrong in feeling this way?

(30 Posts)
Doctorduff Wed 29-Jun-16 12:30:31

Hi everyone,

So I have a question which has really been bothering me for sometime now, and I just wanted to have the perspective of people that do not know me.
I have been with my current boyfriend for about a year and a half, and all has been great and its all getting really serious.....except for one thing. He has a chest size tattoo of an asian lady, who is completely naked, legs open, bossom out, yeah I dont know how else to expain it but all the lady bits are jus there..😑Just in my face.
When I met him, I knew he loved tatoos and he has loads of them but this one in particular just worries me a lot because I really dont know what to make of it. I wasnt even aware of it until after we started dating, obviously I spoke my mind about him and make it clear I just wasn't comfortable with it.
We have spoken about it and he has promised to have a consultation to see if it's possible to laser off after he realised I wasnt gonna back out. But he kept saying that to him it was nothing more but a piece of art. To me its more because even going on holiday is embarrassing. first time we went away, people were all over him taking pictures which he happily obliged. I dread what will happen when I tell my mates let alone family.

I know he loves me and he does go above and beyond for me. He did do this years ago when he was a teenager.

Am I justified in any way to feel like I do. I feel like this could be a deal breaker for us and I could honestly walk away because of this one thing if the consultant advises him not to bother coz of the size of it etc. Am I crazy/selfish in thinking so? Am I making a mountain out of an anthill?

P.s : Am actually from black ethnicity.

Claraoswald36 Wed 29-Jun-16 12:34:02

It's sounds gross. Laser treatment is quite painful - more than the original
Tattoo. A cover up would probably be better. It sounds awful I would be mortified by all the attention.
Would he have some knickers tattooed on to it?

littleniki Wed 29-Jun-16 12:34:38

Can he not have a part cover up so she's wearing a bikini?

MsKite Wed 29-Jun-16 12:38:16

I couldn't be with someone who wasn't deeply ashamed and actively making steps towards having it tattooed over asap.
Btw, it really pisses me off when people have these types of porny tattoos and don't think that they should keep them covered. As you say, it's pretty unpleasant really for other people (and children) to see these kind of images when going about their business on holiday or at swimming pool.

Somerville Wed 29-Jun-16 12:39:16


I can't imagine a bigger turn off.

DeathStare Wed 29-Jun-16 12:40:39

What exactly is it you don't like about it? It's difficult to get an idea of the tattoo from a description so I might be barking up the wrong tree completely.

Is it the way it depicts/objectifies women? If it is I get your point but to be honest I would have some concerns that the tattoo is just the tip of the iceberg. After all he chose that tattoo as something meaningful to him, and if he's the kind of man who find objectification of women to be fun/tasteful/enjoyable, that's not going to go away just because the tattoo is removed.

If that's not the issue and you just don't artistically like it then I'm afraid it's his body and how he decorates it his choice.

MatildaTheCat Wed 29-Jun-16 12:43:07

Yuk. I would want him to get it removed. Actually I would want him to want it removed! I suppose a nice sensible one piece cossie tattooed on would help until he can afford it.

How would he feel about you having a great porno style tattoo of your own?

Doctorduff Wed 29-Jun-16 13:05:17

@deathstare it's exactly what I thought. Its just a very wrong depiction of women(to my eyes at least). I really tried to not let it bother me with time, it jus keeps getting worse and am jus worried about the what if he cant laser it off.

He cant even cover up with a bikini because of the position of it. Basically its a woman on her back with her legs wide open, basically each leg in a 7 position, and a face kinda like orgasming. He tried tatooeing over it with a madsive snake on her nottom half but that never worked, again because of the position of it, only added more colours to it.

SandyY2K Wed 29-Jun-16 13:09:36

Tattoo fixers can sort it out. Have you seen the series on TV?

I couldn't date a guy with that tattoo. Big turn off.

RepentAtLeisure Wed 29-Jun-16 13:35:31

That would be a deal breaker to me. Do you want kids in the future? He'd have to have his chest covered at home permanently!

techmonkey Wed 29-Jun-16 13:40:00

Get a a dude with a huge cock on your stomach.. Maybe so.its looks like its cupping your breasts??? Lol I'm.joking of course.. I wonder stayed with him, that's a mad thing to have on a persons skin, and I would be turned off by the opposite on a woman... Not.a huge fan of tattoos, but some can look nice... This sounds horrific!
A cover up will be a lot less pain, than laser, and laser removal doesn't always work very well!

category12 Wed 29-Jun-16 14:03:26

Maybe he can get it lasered to reduce it and get a cover up.

I'd be concerned about his view of women and if he gave indications that he's a sexist pig or porn addict, I would be dumping.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Wed 29-Jun-16 14:11:28

I couldn't live with that.
He'd need to get rid of it; and if he didn't, I'd need to get rid of him.
I do understand that people often get really fucking stupid tatts when they're young and naive - but that's just disgustingly disrespectful to women in general.

Ifailed Wed 29-Jun-16 14:13:17

so, he was an ignorant sexist pig as a teenager. If we won't get it removed or altered he's now a knowing sexist pig. LTB.

charleydingle3005 Wed 29-Jun-16 14:17:03

At the end of the day it's his body and he can do what he wants with it, unfortunatley you have to accept that! I believe that tattoos are art, I think it's a bit unreasonable for you to want him to change this! You should love him for him!

PeachyStone Wed 29-Jun-16 14:19:18

That's pretty rank to be fair. I took massive issue with an ex's t shirt that had a semi naked woman on it let alone with one having her fanny out.

Cabrinha Wed 29-Jun-16 14:43:08

You really think that's art?
I agree that nude and sexual artwork exists, but I very much doubt that he chose it for artistic merit - just that he thought it was cool to objectify women.
I would have left him long ago.

HuskyLover1 Wed 29-Jun-16 15:22:04

Uugh, so that's what you have to look at, when he's on top of you. How would he feel if you had a giant dick tattooed onto a boob?

I don't think laser removal is very effective, and it's meant to be very painful. I think I'd be asking him to keep a vest on at all times.

Doctorduff Wed 29-Jun-16 15:25:44

Thanks for your answers everyone. I feel a bit relieved in the sense that am not the only one that thinks this way.
I sometimes wish that he hadnt gone as far as he did back then, but then again those are only wishes.

DeathStare Wed 29-Jun-16 15:30:28

OP I thought that might be your issue - it would be mine too. Unfortunately I think (unless he has undergone some massive change since it was done) removing the tattoo isn't going to fix the problem. He chose that tattoo because that's how he sees women. Removing it for your sake doesn't alter his perception of women, it just removes an overt reminder of his perception. I think you may have deeper problems to deal with than just a tattoo

springydaffs Wed 29-Jun-16 15:42:52

What's your ethnicity got to do with anything btw?

Doctorduff Wed 29-Jun-16 15:58:36

Springydaffs , i had mentioned we went out on holiday and it jus felt really awkward with everyone jus staring at us. One being he had this thing on his chest and two being it was jus awkward with me being next to it. Its one thing to appreciate women, but having one(not so demure) tatted on 🤔😑 The attention we were getting was something jus really new, and i found awkward. Sometime does feel like it has a life of its own.

Doctorduff Wed 29-Jun-16 15:59:00

In the public eye people can get really judgemental most times.

CaoNiMao Wed 29-Jun-16 16:20:53


I was once chatting to a male colleague, and the subject turned to tattoos. Without prompting, he hoiked up his shirt to reveal a huge tattoo of a scantily-clad Japanese schoolgirl down his torso. I was shock, and have never quite looked at him the same way. I'm heavily tattooed myself, but nothing so... inappropriate.

P1nkP0ppy Wed 29-Jun-16 16:29:03

Grossly inappropriate and repulsive.
As for letting people take photos, conceited doesn't begin to describe him...

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