Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

rejection & lonley

(9 Posts)
leannewoodrowalways Tue 28-Jun-16 23:32:57

ok.... Ive been sat up most nights reading threads on whats going on with me written by others, sat alone, while he is in bed and im alone, again. As always.
We have been together for years now, we have a beautiful daughter harriet who is almost 3. I knew he had an older daughter and thought WOW this guy has kept in his pants all these years, me and harry must be special, but a week before harriet was born i found out from someone else he had another 3 kids he isnt allowed to see and he has washed his hands of. 3 to 3 diff women. So that hurt, but i was too busy i think with a newborn that it slid. Then the sex ground to a halt. It was never regular but now it was non existent. One night I found he hadnt come to bed and so went downstairs to find him masrubating infront of the tv on the phone to a woman. It ruined me. He wasnt even sorry. I asked him to come to bed but he would rarther be downstairs than upstars with a woman who would do anything to please him! Well i plodded on, arguments here and there, but now, we never speak, if we do its one word answers. He now has bought 2 new dogs and will laugh and play with them, kiss and hug them in front of me, when I say you dont kiss me or hug me, oh get a grip, how sad your jealous over an animal. We havent kissed hugged or had sex now for about 4 months and im crying alot. When we sleep in the same bed i dont sleep as im thinking he is right there and i cant touch him! No hugs, nothing! Im so so alone and its always just me and harry, and she has started to notice, she will say daddy loves the dogs. I just dont know if there is any hope or what am I still doing here, im sorry if its all over the place, its how my life is right now, well for the past 2 years!

Resilience16 Wed 29-Jun-16 04:47:30

Hi, that sounds really hard. Can you tell me, what if any, are the good things in your relationship with this man, as I can't see any positives.
Bottom line is that if your partner can't see anything wrong with his behaviour then he is unlikely to change, and you can't make him change.
In that case your options are to put up with it and "plod on", feeling more and more miserable and alone,or realise you and your daughter deserve better and start making plans to get out.
Do you have any friends or family who you can talk to or who can help you? I know it is scary making the decision to leave, but I can't see what you are getting out of this relationship. You do deserve better x

pallasathena Thu 30-Jun-16 13:24:55

Sorry to be harsh, but someone needs to pull away the blindfold covering your eyes.
You've saddled yourself with a prize loser who has the ability to love, care and empathise of a newt. He's a pond life.
He's walked out on his other children, he deliberately makes you jealous by fondling his dogs in front of you ; fondling himself in front of the telly and even your precious three year old recognises something's not right in your house.
Get some dignity and kick the twat out. You are modelling the most awful example of male/female relationships to your daughter.

candybar007 Thu 30-Jun-16 13:45:19

He has 3 kids he is not allowed to see !!! Makes me wonder why he isn`t allowed. Step carefully there.

MatildaTheCat Thu 30-Jun-16 14:11:23

Oh love, that's a horrible situation and I'm very sorry but I can't see it getting any better. What is the set up regarding the house, etc? Can you confide in someone and get some support for yourself. Not one person who replies to you here will think this is ok. He's nasty and cruel and you would be much happier without him. flowers

leannewoodrowalways Thu 30-Jun-16 18:50:43

I know its awful, each day sort of blurs into another, he hates our daughter being around, Always telling her to be quiet, then i snap back, dont say that to her, and then he pulls the oh ill just shut up then. Everything is second to his dogs. He spends hours everyday training them but cant read his daughter a story or bath her. If he does spend time with her its because ive asked him to watch tv with her and he expects her to sit still and glued in which doesnt happen. With the good points, when harriet is at nursery and we walk the dogs its nice. We dont say very much but its more relaxed. We dont have any phyiscal contact now, last argument we had re me trying to kiss him, he said i shouldnt try and im not allowed now. When we go to bed he puts his arm down between us so our bodies dont touch so.... I just love him is all... i just want him to be kinder to me u know

MatildaTheCat Thu 30-Jun-16 19:46:49

leanne, are you using your real names? If so you might want to change your username and then report your posts and ask MNHQ to hide your daughter's name. You never know who is reading, could be anyone.

Regarding your situation, it's bloody awful but you are allowing it to happen. If you can't bear the way he treats you you need to tell him and make changes. He doesn't get to decide what happens,you can, too! He treating you like shit and sorry, but you are allowing him to. It's not nice for your dd to be around this.

I asked about housing and work above. Also support for yourself. There are lots of good people here who can advise about getting away from this but you need to want that. If you just want sympathy then ok, sorry, it sounds bad. Have a hug. Did that help? No, thought not.

funnylittlefloozie Thu 30-Jun-16 20:05:13

You're 'not allowed' to kiss him? What the hell? I think you need to pack this loser's bags for hhim and sling him out. It is not good for your lovely daughter to grow up thinking its OK to live like this. You deserve so much better than this, my lovely.

smilingeyes11 Thu 30-Jun-16 21:20:34

I cannot think of one thing to love about this vile piece of work. Why oh why do you put up with this? Your self esteem must be on the floor. I suggest you get some counselling to work out why the hell you think you deserve so little and get this man out of your, and your DC's life, asap.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now