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confused re stepdad

(2 Posts)
violentvioletx Tue 28-Jun-16 17:43:01

Background dm and stepdad have been together over 20years, married for about 15. As a teenager me and older db argued repeatedly with stepdad. He consistently lied about things we had done to our mum to get us in trouble and was always causing arguments with most of the family believing me and db were just difficult teenagers as why would he lie. This continued until I moved out at 17 due to yet another argument with him. He was always licking at small things we did and making out they were ten times worse. Even as a parent now I still don't understand his logic. Over the years the relationship between has softened and we actually had what I though, was a good relationship. My dd was born last year and she loves her grandad and I believe he loves her. Due to family situations db moved back in wth our parents last year and straight away started commenting on how difficult step dad is still. I didn't really notice this up until recently. Stepdad has been working with my DH and helping him set up his own business and all of a sudden it felt like I was 15 again. DH coming home saying stepdad had said this that an the other that me and db had done and repeating conversation between me and stepdad that had never happened. He became difficult at work and refused to respect DH when he made business decisions. He snaps at my mum constantly, puts her down and phones around the rest of the family after an argue end to get them onside and rally then around to then make my mum feel bad. He tells her she has a drinking problem( a glass of wine after work) and convinces the rest of the family she needs help. He refuses to hold down a job for more than a real months maybe a year then quits or gets fired.
This is all a huge rant tbh and probably doesn't make sense.
My relatives spoke to DH earlier and said they think my mum is planning to leave stepdad. Part of me thinks I should be glad she's finally seen him for what he is but the then part feels really bad for him as he has been my dad for over 20 years. And been a fantastic grandad he has no job and nowhere to go but I feel torn and half of me reverts to the stubborn 25 year old that just wants to tell him to fuck off. Don't know what I'm actually asking here I suppose it's more of a wwyd.

chocoraisin Tue 28-Jun-16 21:47:56

he sounds like an emotional abuser. I'm so sorry sad it's not your fault, and it's not your brothers or your mums.

She will be ok without him.

Get yourself a copy of Lundy Bancroft's 'Why Does He Do That?' and see if it rings any bells x

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