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Thinking about an affair - please help

(4 Posts)
Thesunwillrise Tue 28-Jun-16 16:10:01


Please don't judge me, I want to share my story and hopefully gain some advice.

I'm 29 and married with a 3 year old. I've been married for 5 years, together with hubby for 9 years now. My husband is an asexual, he has very little interest in sex and over the years I have come to realise I am more and more depressed about this. For the first 6 months of our relationship sex was good, it dried up very quickly but my naive self thought this was normal. After we married, we bought a house and decided to try for a baby, this meant he was put completely out of his comfort zone but to his luck baby making happened very quickly.

The past year we have been having some relationship troubles, for many different reasons and we have considered now going to relate. I started a new job in February where I work quite closely with this man (who is 6 years my junior) but there is something so appealing about him. We have been flirting and texting (professionally) but after going out a few weeks ago and getting drunk, our relationship seems to have become a bit deeper. Nothing happened, we had a dance and he basically admitted to liking me and wish I wasn't taken. I now can't get him out of my mind, all I can think about is getting to work on Thursday evening and kissing him.

I am extremely emotionally connected to my husband and I can think clearly about all this - I know I am feeling sexually frustrated and because I'm being paid some attention, I feel sexy and wanted like I've wanted to feel for ages. I have asked my husband to try and overcome his asexuality but it isn't going to happen and now I am concerned that I will be living the rest of my life feeling like this. It is nothing to do with love (or lack of), it's purely a sexual thing and I don't know what to do. I am not in love with this man from work but I do want to engage in sexual activities with him.

Anyone have any experience of being married to an asexual or any advice on how I can overcome these desires for the man at work?

Feeling lost right now 😢

adora1 Tue 28-Jun-16 16:22:03

Great example of how living as a couple when one is asexual just will not work in the long term, eventually you are going to have your head turned and tbh, I hate people who cheat but can see that you are in a bit of an unusual situation here, I'd take this as permission for you to get out of this non sexual relationship, it's normal to have sexual desires and wants, could you and your husband not remain amicable?

You are not even 30 for god's sake, I intend having sex til I drop!

candybar007 Tue 28-Jun-16 16:26:38

Affairs with people at work always end badly and one of you will end up leaving the company.

Felascloak Tue 28-Jun-16 16:29:19

I think you should tell your husband before it goes any further. Maybe he will realise how much of an issue the lack of sex is. Maybe you would be better separating

Then try to sort work out so you aren't working so closely with this man.

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