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Family rift, I've basically been asked to choose.

(22 Posts)
Mmmmhum Tue 28-Jun-16 13:46:13

I've been in a relationship with this man for 6 months, we went to a function where a confrontation happened between him and my Dad, it got broken up before it got physical but it was clear that it had the potential to become physical especially from my Dad.

So, I've spoken to my partner about what happened and I've spoken to my Dad and unsurprisingly the stories are completely different.

I really like this man, he has shown himself to be nothing but everything I've been looking for and this was completely out of the blue and shocking to me that this happened.

Here's where it gets complicated for me, my Dad never wants to see this man again but he doesn't want that to affect our relationship at all. When I was speaking to my Dad about what happened he told a blatant lie about something that my partner had said to make it sound like he had said something wrong, I was sat there at this point and I know for a fact that this is a lie that he told me which has made me feel like I cannot believe everything that he has said about what happened.

He has been slagging him off and putting the blame on him completely, my gut instinct is that there was too much drink involved and they were both misunderstood about something they were discussing and that's why it turned the way it did.

I never wanted this to happen, it is extremely unfortunate that it did but it has happened and now I'm the one who is suffering the consequences of the incident.

I've never seen anything or heard anything from or about my partner to make me question my relationship, it has been a long time since I've had a partner and I've never felt as happy, content and confident about myself as I do with him.

I've had a rocky relationship with my Dad in the past, we're the best we've ever been right now but I know what he can be like from our past relationship.

So how do I make this work? I've got a headache from the situation and I can't believe that it has come to this.

ElspethFlashman Tue 28-Jun-16 13:50:30

I'm not saying your Dad is a charmer or anything.....

BUT any bloke who has a drunken agressive altercation with his girlfriends Dad after less than 6 months dating is no prize.

ChicRock Tue 28-Jun-16 13:53:30

I'm inclined to agree with this ^

WellErrr Tue 28-Jun-16 13:55:38

I agree with Elspeth.

Morasssassafras Tue 28-Jun-16 13:57:43

I'm with them ^

Nanny0gg Tue 28-Jun-16 13:59:39

What do other people say about what happened?

magicstar1 Tue 28-Jun-16 14:00:24

If your dad has form for this type of behaviour I'd have a different opinion.

Letmehaveausername Tue 28-Jun-16 14:01:06

Drunken altercations are a big red flag imo. Your partner could have walked away, could have taken the high road but he's every bit to blame here as your father.

On one hand, you're either going to have to deal with this headache for the rest of your life, or you're going to have to go nc with one of them.

LemonBreeland Tue 28-Jun-16 14:03:43

I'm with the others too. Despite your Dad and his issues and whatever happens in your relationship with him, I think you should steer well away from this man.

Arfarfanarf Tue 28-Jun-16 14:11:00

so you've got a dad who lied about at least part of what happened and who you have historically had a very rocky relationship with and who you see as the one who would have become physical in this altercation given the chance

and you have a bloke you've been seeing for a few months who up until this has appeared to be a perfectly nice, reasonable chap?

I would first of all tell your dad that you were present at X point and you clearly heard/saw such and such so you know that is inaccurate. don't let him think he's fooled you with lies to make his position seem the more reasonable.

If he doesn't want to see this chap you're dating then fair enough but you shouldn't pretend he doesn't exist and you should let your dad know you expect maturity and civility.

As for this bloke you're dating - take it slow. 6 months is nothing and be aware he has shown himself to be someone who cannot control himself when drunk. (but then nor can your dad. You might want to have a look and see if you've fallen into that old trap) You really need to have a conversation about how inappropriate it was to square up to your dad and how that's not a trait you want in a partner.

I think you make it work by saying you are all grown ups and this needs to be put behind you, they both behaved badly and you expect them both to go forward with respect and courtesy towards each other, about each other and to you by not putting you in the middle or making unreasonable demands.

Puzzledandpissedoff Tue 28-Jun-16 14:50:45

Can I ask what your partner's take is on what happened? I don't think you've said anything about that?

Onenerfwarfrombreakdown Tue 28-Jun-16 17:40:22

ardarfnarf said everything I wanted to. They both need to grow up basically.

MrsSpecter Tue 28-Jun-16 17:44:15

I wouldnt be with anyone who squared up to anyone. If they can find an excuse once they'll find one again.

adora1 Tue 28-Jun-16 17:49:20

I assume your dad has at least 20 years on him, probably more and he thought it ok to square up too him - huge red flag OP!

6 months and you think you know this guy and he's the one but has a tendency to go fighting?

Seriously OP, heed the warning, any man who gets aggressive with a girlfriend's dad, especially after 6 months is a bit of an idiot and a time bomb, sorry but It would have turned me right off him.

Whether you dad told you a white lie or not, he's not liking him much is he, I wonder why - what was it about?

MorrisZapp Tue 28-Jun-16 17:52:01

I wouldn't date anybody who would get into handbags with anyone, for any reason.

adora1 Tue 28-Jun-16 18:07:42

I also think you are using the `lie` as an excuse to side with the boyfriend.

You should really just tell us what the altercation was about, it would help I think.

MrsSpecter Tue 28-Jun-16 18:11:46

Guarantee you this man has a violent history.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Tue 28-Jun-16 18:20:41

I also would be very uneasy about a man who gets into a confrontation with his new partner's dad after a few drinks. And all over a petty misunderstanding from the sounds of it.

Was this their first meeting? Aren't people usually on their very best behaviour when meeting the in-laws at the start of a relationship?

I would worry that this is how he'll react to anyone who annoys him when he's had a drink. And one day that could be you or someone else close to you. And on that occasion there might not be anyone there to "break it up before it gets physical".

MaryMariMary Tue 28-Jun-16 18:22:54

If your Dad has lied and slags your partner off and your relationship with him has been rocky in the past then maybe he isn't so happy for you as you are wrt new relationship?

AndTheBandPlayedOn Tue 28-Jun-16 23:15:05

Dad never wants to see this man again but he doesn't want that to affect our relationship at all.

Does your dad want to go no contact with you and is using your bf as a vehicle to get there?
<<wild guessing>>

Letmehaveausername Wed 29-Jun-16 01:00:40

Are you a magician OP? Cause you've pulled one hell of a disappearing act...

DonnaMurray1 Wed 29-Jun-16 04:56:14

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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