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Do you believe in 'the one'?

(72 Posts)
eirrah Tue 28-Jun-16 10:10:33

Do you really think that 'the one' exists and how did/do you know?

scarlets Tue 28-Jun-16 10:12:28

No. I think that each of us has many thousands of people we could settle down with potentially.

ChicRock Tue 28-Jun-16 10:14:37


I've been madly in love, had my heart broken, then gone on to be, in time, equally as happy and in love with someone else.

I've also fallen out of love with people.

HyacinthBouquetNo1 Tue 28-Jun-16 10:21:45

I do. When I first saw my DH, all I saw was the back of him and I got this very odd feeling, like a premonition that we would spend our lives together, it was really strange, I didnt even really fancy him and we had never spoken at that point. I was 17 when we got together, we have been together 29 years, he is my soul mate. I don't know what I would do without him. soppy cow grin

janieblaye Tue 28-Jun-16 10:22:47


I do believe it is extremely difficult to find someone that will mix together in such a way as to make you your best self, even harder that they will feel the same about you, and even harder that you will happen to meet at the right time and right place and that you will both have the skills /. desire / emotional intelligence to build and respect the relationship.

The odds of that all culminating are pretty low in my opinion and many people thus settle for less.

I believe you can find tend of thousands of people you could fancy, enjoy their company, share values and live together happily - but that is my idea of settling. I need more.

Depends on you though..what you crave, need, want, reach for.

I have been in love 4 or 5 times. Does not mean that person could be someone I would have grown with, stayed in love with. The right person is someone you can do that with, choose to do that with and they choose the same.

Zaphodsotherhead Tue 28-Jun-16 11:18:02

I did. Met him, married him, adored him.

But no one tells you what to do when they are your One, but you aren't theirs...

PaintedDrivesAndPolishedGrass Tue 28-Jun-16 11:26:45

Yes I do. Meeting ' the one' is a very different experience from just falling in love, much , much different IME. I don't think many people do meet ' the one' either. I think the divorce rate reflects that. I did meet mine. 😊

Somerville Tue 28-Jun-16 11:29:53

Nope. Utter rubbish.

HedgeSchool Tue 28-Jun-16 11:29:59

Of course not. It tends to be believed in by people who have either read too many bad romance novels or by people who've led quite restricted relationship/social lives.

I got together with my now-DH in my teens and have been entirely faithful to and happy with him, but I have definitely met several other men with whom I could envisage having been very happy had I met them when we were both single. One man in particular clearly felt similarly about me - we were colleagues and good friends - and had we not both been very happy with our respective partners, we would certainly have started a relationship if single. It wasn't anything either of us considered, so our friendship wasn't troubled by it.

But I think it's deeply naive to think there only one person in the world for you, and to think it's necessarily a mutual 'match'.

user1465823522 Tue 28-Jun-16 11:36:37

hell no.

HermioneJeanGranger Tue 28-Jun-16 11:40:56

Nope, absolutely not.

It's a very odd concept in my opinion. There are billions of people in the world, why would there just be one person for you? It does make me laugh when someone's "the one" just happens to be someone who they went to school/work/university with as well. What are the chances that out of the BILLIONS of people out there, the one person you're meant to be with together was born down the road?!

Mattscap Tue 28-Jun-16 11:50:17

I knew we would spend our life together on our first date, and we have, but I don't believe there is only one "the one". That would be mad.

Goingtobeawesome Tue 28-Jun-16 11:54:48

I think I'm more married to DH because of who he is than anything else.

He's the love of my life though.

OldGuard Tue 28-Jun-16 11:54:59

Rubbish concept - it a world of 7 billion there are many who could be compatible - everything else is choice

ravenmum Tue 28-Jun-16 12:07:07

I think it is nonsense to think that there is literally one other person on the planet who is meant to be with you and he just happens to live in the next town and speak your language rather than coming from Papua New Guinea.

But I think what people often mean is that if you are lucky, you'll come across someone you really click with instantly (or very quickly), and if you both feel the same way it is almost mystical. I've experienced that, both with friends and with boyfriends - the feeling of already knowing them or being on the same wavelength. I'm not sure if you really ARE on the same wavelength when you feel like that, but it's a nice feeling when you get that impression.

HuskyLover1 Tue 28-Jun-16 12:12:50

I would have said "no", before something happened that changed my mind.

My Mum went for a reading with a Medium, at the time my first marriage was starting to go wrong. I hadn't told anyone that I was unhappy, not even my Mum.

Anyway, the Medium told my Mum that I was going to move house and find a good man....the Medium knew my name, and honestly my name is REALLY unusual. I think I've met maybe 2 people my whole life with my name.

My Mum told me the message, saying "well obviously that's a load of rubbish". Little did she know.

In under a year, I'd moved into my own place and met my DH only 2 months later.

So, for me it feels like "yes"

RepentAtLeisure Tue 28-Jun-16 12:26:02

I think it is nonsense to think that there is literally one other person on the planet who is meant to be with you and he just happens to live in the next town and speak your language rather than coming from Papua New Guinea.

I've seen this argument before. To be fair, if everything was fated and therefore decided by something or someone somewhere, why would they put your 'one' on the other side of the world? That would be very impractical! It makes much more sense that they'd stick your soulmate a few streets away.

That said, I've never been in love and I've been in the same town for 25 years...

RepentAtLeisure Tue 28-Jun-16 12:29:40

Unless everything we'll ever do is pre-destined of course. So if you were destined to go to Papua New Guinea perhaps they'd throw a soulmate into your path, who knows?

I know one couple who I couldn't imagine being with anyone else, they are like two halves of a whole. She's from Reading, he's from Missouri. They met in New York.

AllegraWho Tue 28-Jun-16 12:32:43

I absolutely and without any doubt believe "the one" exists.

For some people.

I did not believe it until I found mine.

But we are not all the same. Some people are like me, too awkward to fit together with anyone other than their perfect fit.

Others are more adaptable, happily compatible with many thousands of others.

Yet others are just not made for monogamy at all, and then there are those who will only ever be completely happy on their own.

And I think that the number of differences and possible permutations is infinite, and also absolutely bloody fantastic.

Kennington Tue 28-Jun-16 12:35:06

Of course not.
Ridiculous concept invented by Hollywood.

UpDownUpDownandaweebitannoying Tue 28-Jun-16 12:37:06

I had the experienceRaven describes with STBX nearly 20 years ago. Felt like magic the first night we got together, led straight into a full on relationship. we clicked, got each other etc. Yep he was the one. I moved country a couple of months later so we could continue relationship blush

Now heading for separation. I think I can see things back in that first year that were a sign of what was to come.

My doom and gloom answer....nope, silly romantic nonsense!!! smile

AllegraWho Tue 28-Jun-16 12:38:16

As I knew - I just did. We both did.

Helpful, I know, but there literally isn't any sane or logical way to explain it. It was like coming home, becoming whole, falling in love, falling in lust, waking up and falling into a beautiful dream, all at once. It was a rebirth and a religious conversion, a metamorphosis and an epiphany, an end and a beggining.

Told you there way of describing it and sounding sane...

ravenmum Tue 28-Jun-16 12:40:12

if everything was fated and therefore decided by something or someone somewhere, why would they put your 'one' on the other side of the world?

True, I guess if I go along with the rules of the Fate game I should stick to them more closely and include a mighty being with a very detailed box filing system.

Maybe this almighty being sent me to Germany and made me live with Not The One for 20+ years before finding out my husband was a dickhead - just so that I would appreciate The One better when I finally found him smile

Joysmum Tue 28-Jun-16 12:45:11

I believe in the one for now.

Unfortunately friends and family have been widowed, but fortunately found love again. This doesn't diminish or demean what they felt for either partner.

murphys Tue 28-Jun-16 12:55:55

I think that there are people that we are more compatible with than others. I asked this question some years back as someone who I am close to asked me the same thing. I replied that I didn't know either.

But, had our situations been different, I am very very sure that he and I would be in a relationship now. There is a definite spark there. I wouldn't say he is 'the one' as such, but there is some connection that I am unable to explain. He agrees with me that he feels it as well.

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