Hi, sorry for what is going to be a long message.
I hope someone will be able to give me some advice on this because I'm feeling really desperate! Thanks in advance.
I have been with my other half for over 10 years now, childhood sweethearts and married 3 years. I have posted previously about our lack of sex life which I have been worried about for many years really. I hardly dare write this but we haven't has sex now for 8 years(I am 28), and very minimal amounts of sexual contact in that time. However, we do a lot of hand holding, cuddling etc and general affection which is a big plus.
People have advised on my other posts that I just talk to him and try to identify the problem so this weekend I finally plucked up the courage after all these years. I asked him why he thought there was no sex/was there someone else/was he still attracted to me(tried to do this in a gentle way). He just looked very sheepish and said he wasn't excited by sex and had no desire to do it- with me or with anyone else. The thing is (and I realise how strange this sounds given what I have just said)- we are both really keen to have a baby. He has said he will try his best to get through it (ugh) so we can hopefully get pregnant but a) I want the sex to be enjoyable for him and b) it's going to take more than one quick shag to get pregnant right!!!!???
So I have this underlying feeling of sick. Halfway through this big important conversation that I have put off for years, he decided he just had to get to tesco before 10pm so it was cut quite short. I understand it was probably very awkward for him but it took a lot for me. I love him to bits and am assured he loves me too but I don't know if I can go on forever like this?! I need to feel wanted is that so bad?! When I tried to raise it again he told me we had already discussed it and was quick to defend himself saying 'this is just the way I am'
I am pretty convinced be is not depressed or anything and seems happy (especially with his friends) but life between us is mundane and he doesn't make the effort. I am nervous that we have become more like best friends but I still love him so much and don't want to throw away my life long relationship.
I would be so grateful for any advice as I don't feel I could speak to my friends in this depth- they would be horrified if they knew. Thanks so much. Xxx
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Finally had the conversation but not the outcome I was hoping for
Eeyore777 · 27/06/2016 18:13
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