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Does she hate me? I'm really upset

(54 Posts)
user1467042399 Mon 27-Jun-16 16:55:55

Me and my friend have been friends for years but it always is me paying for coffee etc.
She wants me to text her first and start the conversation but if I don't she won't speak then wait a month and turn nasty calling me a bad person and sly.
I got sick of being the one having to text and text so I just thought stuff this and didn't bother.
It got to two months and her mum ( who I've been friends with ) deleted then blocked me on Facebook then my "friend" messaged saying what's your problem,why haven't you bothered speaking to me,just shows you who your friends are,you've changed etc etc.
So in my head I'm thinking but you haven't contacted me,yet I'm the "bad one "why should it be me.
It's like she thinks I should be licking her Arse and always chasing her...I'm done.
This isn't normal behaviour,I'm 30 and so is she.
I have so many friends and we just speak when we can and have something to say,there's never a issue of you text first or stupid things like that.
I just can't be bothered to keep this up.
So now we sorted it out,I said it's ridiculous,we had 3 days talking (obviously it was me texting) now it's been 1 week and she hasn't contacted me but she's blocked me on whatsapp and on Facebook writing " I'm always the one the good friend,getting walked all over"
I'm starting to think she isn't right in the head.
I've been a good friend to her,lent her money over the years( all together probably a couple of thousand) never got it back,babysit her dog,went food shopping for her mum.
She always plays the victim
Can anybody understand what's wrong with her?
My other friends just say block delete and forget about her.

user1467042399 Mon 27-Jun-16 17:16:35


Redken24 Mon 27-Jun-16 17:19:03

she sounds crazy

hownottofuckup Mon 27-Jun-16 17:19:19

Listen to your other friends

Redken24 Mon 27-Jun-16 17:19:38

30 years old and acting like a 13year old. I would avoid, avoid , avoid

ItsyBitsyBikini Mon 27-Jun-16 17:22:07

She doesn't sound like a good friend. I have friends that I text first all the time and others where they text me first all the time. We compromise on buying coffees etc and sometimes I can go weeks without speaking to certain friends but they all know I'm there if they need me. You need to cut ties and move on, she isn't a good friend. Friends do not make note of who contacted whom first, she could have text you but no she expects you to be psychic!

springydaffs Mon 27-Jun-16 17:23:46

Thousands of pounds you haven't got back!?! shock

user1467042399 Mon 27-Jun-16 17:24:22

I've sat down so many times and tried to work out what goes on in her head.
I started dating a new man after being single years and she says "my boyfriend is better looking and I bet he is going to cheat,another Arse you've found"
She loves other people being unhappy and her being happy.

missybct Mon 27-Jun-16 17:25:07

I don't know what is wrong with her, other than she has a fucking huge sense of entitlement, and probably a couple of complex issues that tbh, probably isn't worth your time trying to decipher or help her through. She clearly revels in being passive aggressive (blocking but writing cryptic FB messages) which just highlights how ridiculous the whole thing is.

It's shit, but cut your losses - as you've said, she always plays the victim, the friendship is exhausting rather than enjoyable and you're always paying for her one way or another. Your other friends don't behave that way because you're all adults and don't feel the need to make other people feel bad or inferior.

You're not to blame, based on what you've said so far. Unless there are some serious backstory issues here. I had a friend like this, it became exhausting trying to keep up with her passive aggression as well as her blatant slagging off of other people expecting me to participate. I could never do anything right and it came to a head when my DP quite rightly pointed out that this friend was "supportive" when I was mentally unwell, but once I was well enough to work and socialise again with both her and others, her "support" became scorn and disapproval.

user1467042399 Mon 27-Jun-16 17:25:19

No never got it back wasn't thousands in one go over 8 years.
50 here and 20 there and after her gram died I paid for us to go to Mexico and even paid her spends.
I know I'm a mug.

user1467042399 Mon 27-Jun-16 17:28:46

After the trip to Mexico I lent her £20.
Bare in mind I was pretty skint after,I asked her politely do you have the £20 I borrowed.
She rang me say I'm not going to run away,got her mum to ring me saying you really going to hound her for £20 ( I didn't hound) I literally said "you fancy lunch next week,do you have that £20 I wouldn't ask but after Mexico im running low on cash" she said well if you want it you will have to knock on my door for it..she knew I wouldn't do it.

springydaffs Mon 27-Jun-16 17:28:57

What an absolute JOKE she thinks you're lucky to have her!


Girl, don't look back. You need someone like that like you need a hole in the head.

Atenco Mon 27-Jun-16 17:36:43

You have very low boundaries, OP and I say that as someone who is also happy to lend and pay for people's coffee and food. But I do not repeatedly lend to people who do not pay me back. Whereas this woman not only did not pay you back but also sneered when you asked for it

user1467042399 Mon 27-Jun-16 17:38:45

It's been about 9 months since I've paid for anything or lent her money maybe that's why she's behaving like this.

Reindeerlily Mon 27-Jun-16 17:53:30

Jeez she sounds like a cunt. You'd be best off leaving her to it. Sack her!!

Cabrinha Mon 27-Jun-16 18:03:25

You're asking what wrong with her...
I'm sorry this is harsh, but you need to ask what is wrong with you.
What's going on with you that you will take abuse like this from someone who is like this? Why on earth would you pay for a long haul holiday for someone like this?
Don't waste a single second more with your "does she hate me?" question. Just forget her, and use the money you're saving not buying her, to pay a counsellor to work out why you're accepting this behaviour.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Mon 27-Jun-16 18:15:03

She sounds extremely insecure, putting other people down to make herself look better. She also sounds very manipulative and I would block her as your friends suggest before she starts turning nasty again.

A friendship should not have to be that much hard work. If a friend hadn't contacted me for a while, I would be concerned that I had upset them or think they had a lot going on so would drop them a message.
Sending hateful abusive messages is a completely unacceptable reaction.

AyeAmarok Mon 27-Jun-16 18:20:44

She's a terrible person and a shit friend. Just fuck her off.

slugsinmygarden Mon 27-Jun-16 18:24:56

Sounds like she's doing you a favour by blocking you. Don't worry about it, from what you said you have plenty of other friends x

user1467042399 Mon 27-Jun-16 18:31:48

Tbh I'm just a bit worried what she's going to do.
She won't let me just walk away like that.
I guess it's a case of just do your worst

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Mon 27-Jun-16 18:35:49

She'll soon get bored if you don't react to her tantrums. She sounds quite controlling and abusive so once the dust settles, I'm sure you'll feel quite liberated to be free of her. flowers

fryingtoday Mon 27-Jun-16 19:46:25

Try not to worry about her. She plays on your decency to get what she wants. You really should just walk away. Truth is she'll find another you to suck dry pretty quickly.

ptumbi Mon 27-Jun-16 19:53:50

She is definitely NOT a friend.

You are worried what she might do? What do you mean? Threats? Violence? Talking about you to others? The first two I would report to police, The last Ignore.

something2say Mon 27-Jun-16 20:00:08

I used to have a friend like this. The first time she did it, i was shocked. The second time, less so and the third, it was over. Always creating drama, very insecure. It was sad but life went on.

I'd recommend wishing her well if you see her or she mails, and let it be on the table then between you, that you no longer speak and that is your choice. My friend tried a few times,mand I said no and then one day I bumped into her with someone else and she made fun of me and they laughed really,loudly. But that was it. As far as I know she is not doing well sadly but then that's what she was like and that is what you're seeing. You say yourself your other friends aren't like that, so I think this needs to be filled under w for waste basket xxx

TheNaze73 Mon 27-Jun-16 20:00:59

She sounds like hard work

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