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Am I overreacting to his step mother?

(9 Posts)
TinnTinn Mon 27-Jun-16 16:35:52

DP and I have been together for a few years and have a child.

His family are great and we see a lot of them.

We don't see much of his father and step mother.

DP had a very difficult separation from his ex. They were together for around 5 years. There was DV on her part and the police were involved.

When they were a couple they saw a fair bit of his step mother and father.

When I first me them it was a tad awkward as they was a big picture of the ex on their mantelpiece. Perhaps I was bu to feel awkward, but I can't imagine my parents doing this with my ex.

When his step mother calls she always asks how his ex is before mentioning me or our child.

The last time we were there she read out all the 'family' birthdays that month, including DP's ex name, and leaving out my birthday which is the same month.

This upsets DP as his step mother is fully aware of the exes behaviour during the relationship.

Am I overreacting to think she doesn't like me?

TinnTinn Mon 27-Jun-16 16:36:53

*The title was meant to read 'Am I overreacting about his stepmother'

Isetan Mon 27-Jun-16 16:47:39

The problem isnt that she doesn't like you, it's that she and her spineless H have zero respect for your partner. You can't stop her being a cow but you can and should, limit your exposure to her and her behaviour. If putting up with this woman is the price paid for maintaining a relationship with his Dad, then it's too damn high.

TinnTinn Mon 27-Jun-16 16:53:06

The weird thing is I'm not sure they do see her or speak to her... Unless they are doing without DP's knowledge. He did raise it with them a couple of years ago and said it wasn't on.

It seems she does it more to make me feel uncomfortable. Unless they do actually see her and haven't said...

Hissy Mon 27-Jun-16 17:31:45

The reason most Dv victims end up as victims is because they are trained by their family to be abused.

His family have a vested interest in him being abused, makes their shitty lives look better.

She's clearly jealous of you and determined to undermine your relationship.

Your dp needs to tell her to stop being such a bitch, and/or be totally bare faced and say tbh, dsm, am absolutely not going to discuss the ex, couldn't give a flying ffk about her and tbh, after all she's done to hurt me and my family a bit of loyalty wouldn't go amiss.

Then back off from them

They are no positive contribution to your lives.

Hissy Mon 27-Jun-16 17:33:09

Or the other option is the grey stone approach

Non commital, no idea, you're as likely to know as I am, CBA to talk about, or ... Anyway.. Let's talk about something worthwhile...

TinnTinn Mon 27-Jun-16 23:07:22

Luckily we don't see them often at all, I actually like his dad.

HeddaGarbled Mon 27-Jun-16 23:53:55

The picture of the ex on the mantelpiece isn't a big deal. If she was married to their son/stepson that would be normal.

How do you know his step mum asks after his ex before you? Do you listen in to all his phone conversations?

Reading out a list of birthdays is weird whether you or ex were included or not included.

This all sounds very odd. It worries me that you have a child with him but aren't married. Did you know that if you split, you have no legal rights to anything except a tiny pittance of maintenance for your child?

DoltFromTheBlue Tue 28-Jun-16 00:00:47

I think the pic is a big deal. If someone has been DV towards my family - blood or otherwise - there is no way I would have a picture of them within sight

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