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My fiance left me, and I can't do this.

(4 Posts)
aeschmann07 Mon 27-Jun-16 15:45:48

I know there are other threads, but I cannot find them and i'd love for you guys to point me in the right direction.

But here's my story. I've only been single for a week but I feel like I could die. We were planning a wedding (that was called off for house building purposes), in the middle of building a house, had a beautiful farm and a bunch of pets together. We have been engaged for a little over two years. We have had to move a few times since we have been together with the last move being into this moms house. She is a hoarder and there wasn't much room for us. It was supposed to be temporary but we have been there for a year. It got cramped in there, and easily we fell into a routine that neither of us liked. We weren't happy but I just pegged it on being in a space that we couldn't call our own. When I found out I was pregnant he was super excited he cried even! Started looking at new SUVS and really getting more of a jumpstart on the house. Things were going pretty well in the beginning. I started feeling pretty lonely as the weeks progressed. I was really sick the whole first trimester and couldn't do much. He seemed to stop caring about how I was feeling and almost made it a point to not come home until later so he didn't have to be around me. I was miserable, sad, and lonely and all I wanted was for him to show me he still cared and still wanted this baby. So last week he dropped the bomb on me that he was so miserable that he couldn't take it anymore and told me I had to leave. I spent all last week trying to get my stuff together and find a place to go. Luckily my dad was willing to take me and a few of my pets since I know I can't live without them. He told me that he wanted to be there for me, be at all the ultrasounds and be the best father he could be. I want him to do all those things but I know he won't be there for me, just for the baby and that kills me. He said he doesn't know what he is doing, and he isn't sure he is doing the right thing yet but he has to try it because he doesn't know what else to do right now. It's been absolute hell. I keep hoping that maybe I will wake up from this nightmare, or that we will wake up and come to his senses. I don't foresee a happy ending for me when it comes to the man I love. He seems pretty set in his ways that we just can't be together. He keeps saying he can't promise me anything, and that he has no idea what the future is going to hold. He doesn't comfort me at all. I keep hoping every time we talk he will say the things I want to hear, but instead he keeps emphasizing how we aren't together. How do I let him go? Not talk to him? Not need him or want him? I have known him for 7 years even though we have only been together for 3. Why can't I be mad at him for abandoning me? Will that happen eventually, will I just be mad and it will help me get through this? I'll never stop loving him, but i'm in so much pain from this I don't know how i'm getting through the days awake. I'm trying to hard to be strong in front of everyone when all I want to do is crawl into a corner and cry and scream. I'm almost embarrassed. I never wanted a single mother title nor did I want a "baby momma" title. Please help sad

FledglingFridge Mon 27-Jun-16 16:03:38

I was with you until I never wanted a single mother title nor did I want a "baby momma" title.

Nowt wrong with being a single parent. Nothing at all. No shame to be had in being strong enough to do it yourself with support from the other parent.

You need to put your big girl pants on and think about you and this baby. You can't make him do/say/feel anything. You can sit about and wait and he might do x/y/z, or he might never. This might be because of the living situation, or it might not.

Eat as best you can, for you and baby. Get as much rest as you can. And start planning how you're going to do this, practically and emotionally. He's a big boy and can look after himself. If he changes his mind in the future, then you can look back at this time and perhaps review whether you'd be willing to try again.

Be strong for you and your baby. You will get through this whatever the outcome, you really will.

SandyY2K Mon 27-Jun-16 16:27:00

Go complete no contact with him. It will be hard but it's what you need.

Sorry but I struggled to read the text with no paragraphs, so I may have missed something.

Only discuss essential child related matters and be formal and business like with him.

Don't hang around home when he has the kids. Get dolled up and get there. He is not the be all and end all in your life.

BolshierAryaStark Mon 27-Jun-16 16:39:12

Yes you can do this & you will-you'll soon have a little person relying on you so time to pick yourself up.
You only need to speak with him regarding the child, have no further communication with him about anything other than this.
As PP said, on his contact days/nights get yourself out with friends & rediscover life.
It really isn't all bad & when you stop hurting you will see this-do not wait around to see if he changes his mind, life is simply too short for that shit.

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