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So my marriage is in the bin. Need a rant.

(15 Posts)
Chillyegg Mon 27-Jun-16 15:29:11

Found out Christmas just gone dh had had an affair at first it was "just a one night stand". Then it turned into basically a year and a half affair whatever he took her to hotels etc while I was at home pregnant/with a new born and he said he working. Then the silly women tried to ruin my dds birthday party. She kept messaging me abuse and calling for me racist names. She also came (I didn't know about the affair at the time) to the hospital to see my dd as a "friend"
I then found messages on dh's phone discussing everything wed talked about to her. How much he loved her, he said he messages her to stop her abusing him. But he didn't love her and she was volatile.(this women is prime time jeremy kyle fodder).
Then a couple of weeks ago dh hadn't come home again and I went mental. He was at her parents house and they'd told him she was pregnant.
Dh wants me to forgive yet again and us to play happy families. This women has threatened dh with everything from him never seeing the child to putting it for adoption. On Friday dh went out for food I with his friends I snapped and packed my shit and have moved out. Dh's family side with me amd think he's scum.
She wants to "work in the marriage"
I want to kick him in the face and feel horrendous that I put up with so much and that he's down this to me.
That women is scum in my eyes aswell. As she new we were together and openly admits to getting pregnant as she thought dh would then marry her and leave me and his dd for her. He didn't so now she sends him lots of abuse.

I strongly dislike her aswell.
What should I do I don't want to be with him. How do I start my life again as a single mum.

Chillyegg Mon 27-Jun-16 15:38:23

I know violence isn't acceptable but after a year an a half of just shit. I've had enough.

FreeFromHarm Mon 27-Jun-16 15:38:56

I am so sorry you are going through this, why do men always go for the Bitches !!, let the dust settle, do not listen to her or him, and remember you can do this. you will be very angry and raw, mine had 2 affairs on the go at the same time whilst I was pregnant , you will feel your whole world is upside down, you can do this, I stayed and things escalated to violence and abuse and now in hiding , so stay strong have a bloody good cry and move on, he has admitted adultery... now comes the determination part x

Chillyegg Mon 27-Jun-16 15:41:52

Oh God Freefromharm I'm sorry that you had to put up with the bastard.

NeedACleverNN Mon 27-Jun-16 15:44:27

Sounds like an horrendous situation.
Feel so sorry for you....

He certainly has a big pair of brass balls now doesn't he?

No advice really but a hand hold if you need it. Kicking him out absolutely was the right decision. You could never have trusted him again

Chillyegg Mon 27-Jun-16 15:45:49

I've tried to forgive so much this was the last straw.

FreeFromHarm Mon 27-Jun-16 15:50:21

No more advice ok x, hugs and hand hold x I did trust him again, we have escaped with our lives, he now has the house ( on the market) but basically surfing the net for any single parent who takes pity, one particular one stays at the house ( we live in a safe house) playing happy families, she has no idea he is violent and abusive, I know I shouldnt care, but I would never want another woman and dc to go through what we have had to put up with x

Isetan Mon 27-Jun-16 16:39:11

This man is simply not worthy of you and the silly woman he's taken up with, is . Start being practical and limit your exposure to this twat.

adora1 Mon 27-Jun-16 17:22:48

He isn't worth the shit on your shoe OP, they are as bad as each other, he's a lying scumbag and you can do a million times better, enough is enough, move on with your life, I can guarantee it will be happier.

tribpot Mon 27-Jun-16 17:27:16

He wants to work on the marriage now that she is presenting a less attractive option, pregnant and abusive. Depends if you want to be the booby prize - I don't think you deserve that, do you?

Chillyegg Mon 27-Jun-16 17:38:37

I'm done with the relationship. I need advice about contact etc. How does it all work

Chillyegg Mon 27-Jun-16 17:44:29

He hasn't really bothered with dd since she was born and we lived in the same house so not sure how it's all going to pan out.

hownottofuckup Mon 27-Jun-16 17:49:27

Has he said what contact he wants?
If his family are on side could you try to arrange for it to be at their house/supervised by them?

FreeFromHarm Mon 27-Jun-16 18:22:45

Thank you chillyegg for your kind thoughts we are ok x, as for the visitation, when you go to the solicitor she/he will advise on best course of action, it will all be explained, I did a DIY , but I have DV and assault and proof so I am entitled to legal aid for some of it, so I do not have to mediate, only in the early stages with this as there is a property and money matters to be dealt with. My dc have chosen NC due to witnessing DV and assault.

IreallyKNOWiamright Sun 03-Jul-16 09:47:50

So sorry to hear what you are going through. I would keep all her messages and advise her you will call the police If the abuse carries on. she sounds very stalker ish to me!

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