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How to approach DH about latest MIL stunt?

(132 Posts)
razzlematazzle Mon 27-Jun-16 13:23:47

MIL and I are NC. She's a narcissistic PITA, but DH and DS still see her. She takes care of DS once a fortnight for a few hours, against my better judgement, but it was a compromise with DH.

MIL contacted DH recently about what she should by DS for his birthday, having just decorated the nursery I asked him to request a specific type of childrens chair to match. I was intending on getting it for him ourselves but couldn't think of much else at the time so asked MIL to get the chair and we would get something else.

DH then sent her a link to my Pinterest board so she could see exactly what style, colour and type of chair we were after. The chair would be expensive-ish but she's usually happy to lavish DS with expensive gifts.

DH mentioned last week that MIL had seen and bought a cheap version of the chair, would that be OK? As she had thought of a 'better' present that she would like to get him. I said it was fine provided it was in the colours we had requested to match the nursery.

DH currently at work and I've finally gotten round to looking at the chair. It's hideous. Bright orange. Cheap material. Doesn't match our pale blue and grey nursery whatsoever. How do I approach this with DH? He's going to defend her as he's completely oblivious to interior design and MIL knows it! I really want to get him a beautiful wooden chair for his birthday to match the rest of his room, but how do I do this now that MIL has gone all out on a cheap and hideous one to stand in the way of that? I'm really annoyed, even when we're NC she can affect me with her poisonous controlling ways. I need to speak to DH when he gets home from work, but ideally I need to keep him on side! When I'm talking cheap... I'm talking a £10 chair as opposed to a £60 chair. She knows what she's doing. ..

ApocalypseSlough Mon 27-Jun-16 13:26:38

Well you could have seen that coming couldn't you? Honestly? Suck it up this time and next time don't meet trouble half way.

PlugUgly Mon 27-Jun-16 13:29:26

Don't wait for your husband...Contact her directly, put on your best bright and breezy voice and say thanks SO for the chair, MY fault entirely should have told you about the colour scheme etc, "wouldn't dream of putting you to the trouble of returning it so I will do it myself, plus whatever else you were getting him will be more than enough gift wise, "
How can she argue with that...?

WellDoYaPunks Mon 27-Jun-16 13:30:04

It's a bit silly to say getting him the wrong chair is poisonous, but I do empathise with mil issues.
Can you cover it?
Get the receipt?
Or just chuck it in the garage smile

LazyJournalistsQuoteMN Mon 27-Jun-16 13:30:28

Could you ask her where she got it/ask for a gift reciept so you could swap it for a better colour?

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo Mon 27-Jun-16 13:31:32

To be honest, I think you would sound petty bringing this up as an issue with your DH.

She may well have done this deliberately as she knows it will upset or annoy you, but you can't prove that and really, it's only a chair.

Can you just buy the chair you like and put the other one elsewhere?

At least you will know in future not to ask her to buy something you have your heart set on.

How old is DS? He might love the bright orange one anyway...

Tiggeryoubastard Mon 27-Jun-16 13:33:17

It's a bit of a shit thing to ask other people to get your child a present that basically the child won't be that bothered about and is to your taste. Why didn't you say a nice toy that he could play with?

BertrandRussell Mon 27-Jun-16 13:33:24

It's a chair. Change it. Or if it was only a tenner, , give it away.

Maybenot321 Mon 27-Jun-16 13:33:57

Send/Take the chair back ? Would she ever know, does she come to your house? I 'd tell your husband it's not suitable, if he asks why your sending it back.
I wonder what the "better" present is going to be? !!!

CalmItKermitt Mon 27-Jun-16 13:34:51

How old is DS? Does he actually want the chair? Bear with me.... because £60 is a lot of money so maybe she wants to buy him something a bit more "present-y" iykwim?

Not saying she isn't being a cow. For all I know your DS might be really looking forward to a chair. But she might be thinking "Cheaper chair AND lego/whatever. Result".

EightNoineTen Mon 27-Jun-16 13:34:54

I'm sure she has done this on purpose and I know you have a bad history but tbh it's just a chair. Would your ds really be that bothered about the colour scheme? I'd probably let this one go. I mean tell your dh that she's not listened to what you wanted but I wouldn't say anything to her.... it's a chair, and you say it's for a nursery so I guess your ds is young.

PaintedDrivesAndPolishedGrass Mon 27-Jun-16 13:35:18

He would probably have chosen a brightly coloured one over a stylish one.

Maybenot321 Mon 27-Jun-16 13:35:21


OllyBJolly Mon 27-Jun-16 13:35:45

He's a child. He won't care!

If I asked a parent what their child would like for their birthday , and the response was a special matching chair, I'd buy something different. It's her grandchild's birthday. She'll want to get her grandson a present that fills him with joy. A chair?!

Don't know about the MIL but you sound hard work.

EightNoineTen Mon 27-Jun-16 13:38:08

My DD has two chairs. One up in her room and one down in the living room. She's got a wooden one in her bedroom (it matches nothing). The downstairs one cost £4 and is made out of cheap plastic (and matches nothing). She still loves it. You can always do the same with your ds and get the one you wanted for his nursery and keep the other one somewhere else.

Ilovenannyplum Mon 27-Jun-16 13:38:26

That would really piss me off knowing that she had bought the complete opposite of what I'd asked for.
Return it or keep it in the loft and buy one that matches.

I'm so lucky I've got a lovely MIL and I don't have to deal with this shit

AnnaMarlowe Mon 27-Jun-16 13:39:49

Let this one go. Save your big guns for something else.

Isetan Mon 27-Jun-16 13:40:46

You fell into a trap of your own making. Buy the chair you wanted and upscycle MIL's present but do not raise the subject with either your DH or your MIL. Hopefully you have learnt a valuable lesson and accept that you and your MIL aren't on the same page.

razzlematazzle Mon 27-Jun-16 13:46:25

I get what you're all saying about the chair not being a great present. Bear with me... chair is just a word I've used to replace the actual present. There are too many spying eyes to be able to give specific facts about what the present is. MIL has been known to use MN herself. I promise it's much better and more fun than a chair and it can match the nursery, which is great for me too.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Mon 27-Jun-16 13:46:39

Buy the chair you want, hide / sell / return the other chair. Rave to all about the lovely chair from your MIL that looks "exactly the same as the expemsive one - how clever!" (Because it is the expensive one!)

Even if she realises what can she do? Say "but I bought you the gross one".

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 27-Jun-16 13:50:00

Cheap things break awfully easily, don't they?

You can't fight this one without looking like a loon.

Suck it up. Then after about a month, let baby loose with the present and a hammer.

WellErrr Mon 27-Jun-16 13:50:25

It's passive aggressive shite. But you should have seen this coming - why give her the responsibility of something you actually need?

If you're NC with her, just stick her chair in the shed/loft/on gumtree and get your own. Who gives a shit? You don't speak to her.

That's what I'd do. Years of this crap has made me hard grin

razzlematazzle Mon 27-Jun-16 13:53:15

The fact of the matter, regardless of what the present is is that she asked what she should buy DS, we made a suggestion to which she agreed with.
Then went out and bought the wrong one, a cheaper one that doesn't match anything and is now buying something completely different, just to be awkward. Because this is what she does. Another occasion she asked me what name we would like engraving on DS' gift (he has a double-barrel name) of course, we said both. The gift arrived with just DH's surname in it. You get the gist....

I'd prefer she just not ask. Why ask and then do the complete opposite except if you were trying to be awkward?

PutAPlasterOn Mon 27-Jun-16 13:54:02

Honestly.. I feel sorry for your DH and DS. They seem to be in the middle of 2 controlling women. You said your MIL asked your DH if the one she had bough was OK even though it wasn't the exact one you had specified via Pinterest because she has seem something else that your DS would like. Why couldn't say then that it wasn't suitable? It's a bit crap to then be annoyed that it wasn't right.

When your MIL originally asked what she could buy her grandchild you could have just said it was up to her then you could have bought the chair you had seen.

razzlematazzle Mon 27-Jun-16 13:55:11

Yes well err that is exactly what I intend on doing but how to put this across to DH without seeming like an ungrateful so-and-so? In his eyes, MIL has done exactly what we asked of her and more by getting an additional present! Bravo MIL!

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