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Whirl wind romance or Red Flag?

8 replies

HairySubject · 27/06/2016 09:57

OK so I have just stopped dating someone after 3 months because I was only ever a back up options, he always blew me out if he got a better offer etc which as you can imagine gave my self esteem a kicking.

So after telling this bloke I am not putting up with his behaviour any more I got chatting to another bloke. He asked me out on a date for coffee which I agreed to. We arranged for Sunday but he contacted me Thursday asking could we make it sooner as he really wants to meet me.

We rearranged for Friday after work, coffee went well so we arranged a second date, later that night. We met up and had drinks. Then Saturday he came round to mine and cooked for me. He brought chocolates and wine, was ever the gent and a whizz in the kitchen. He spent the night and then we went out for lunch Sunday and spent all day Sunday together until I had to get home for my kids. Last night he came round to mine when the kids were in bed and we shared a bottle of wine.

So I am flattered he wants to spend so much time with me, more so after the last bloke who made me feel worthless. I am enjoying his company, he is polite and lovely. Is it all a bit quick though? Would you see red flags or have I been reading too much Mumsnet?

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ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 27/06/2016 10:00

I don't see any red flags so far but don't let yourself be hurried into anything sooner than you'd like; meeting your children for instance, giving him a key etc etc. Decide your own timescale for those kinds of commitments! And congrats, it's great that you've met someone giving you the time and attention you deserve :)

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tribpot · 27/06/2016 10:00

It feels a bit full on to me. Who is suggesting meeting up so frequently, is it all him or is some of it you? Or was it a circumstance created by you not having the kids at home this weekend?

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MrsSpecter · 27/06/2016 10:05

Wow i'm feeling stifled just reading that! But if it feels ok for you then just enjoy it. If its starts to feel like too much then slow things down.

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HairySubject · 27/06/2016 10:08

It was pretty circumstantial, it's rare that I don't have the kids. Although it was definitely his suggestion but I was pleased he suggested it. I don't feel pushed into it but don't want to get caught up and swept along just because he is paying me attention that was lacking previously.

Thanks, I will definitely set those boundaries, I don't want to be settling down and have someone playing step dad, my relationship and my kids are separate.

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WannaBe · 27/06/2016 10:13

You've been reading too much mumsnet. .

Did you enjoy the time you've been spending together? Meal/walk/bottles of wine because you had the time and the inclination to do so? Well then stop over analysing and have fun. .

If he was promising you the future and talking of marriage/moving in together telling you he didn't think he wanted to live another second without you because you are the one then it would seem a bit full-on IMO. But you've had a couple of days together while you have been able to do so. Where's the harm in that?

The boundaries are yours to apply, nobody else's.

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DoreenLethal · 27/06/2016 10:16

You met him on Friday and slept with him on Saturday and have seen him what - 5 times since?

I mean we don't know him so can't say but many many people say 'it was all so fast' and only after they are hooked do the red flags come out.

You can only tell when you start saying 'no can do, I have the kids/shopping/a class/work' etc and how he reacts to this.

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HairySubject · 27/06/2016 10:17

Thanks everyone. I have enjoyed the time we have spent together, it has been lovely! I will stop over analysing it now and enjoy it.

I usually have terrible taste in men, my ex H was violent, my next long term partner was Abusive but he didn't hit me much so seemed better, then I stayed single until the last guy who was hot and cold etc, so now I have met a lovely man I feel like I am waiting for something to go wrong.

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HairySubject · 27/06/2016 10:19

Doreen that is a very good point. It is back to reality from today, work, kids etc so we will see how it goes now I am less available.

Yes I met him Friday and slept with him Saturday. It was a lot of fun and I don't regret that one bit. We all have different morals I guess.