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do you miss your dc, who havent left home

(7 Posts)
NoahVale Mon 27-Jun-16 09:43:13

when I had my dd a rather stupid midwife assistant, or so I thought, said ah, now you have a girl, girls stay, but boys leave

well, ds, almost 22, although he didnt go to university, but is here less and less. we were reminiscing about events that occurred in the recent past, where was he? he wasnt with us

busy at college, busy with friends,
now though he is at his gf's parents house, more than 50% of the time, and when he is here, she is too, waiting to remove him.
i worry how he will cope when they split up as he just doesnt have his own space.

this not here and not there life is hard, he never knows where his clothes are,
he hasnt left. but he is hardly here, he is unavailable.

MrsJayy Mon 27-Jun-16 09:49:17

Your post is slightly confusing me what did you mean when they split up and his own space he would just come home surely ? As for the rest that just what happens when they are adults some weeks i hardly see dd she works crazy shifts and has a fiance and in and out of the house living her life

gamerchick Mon 27-Jun-16 09:51:24

I'm struggling to understand your post properly. Do you see his girlfriend as some sort of competition? confused

That's what they do. My eldest has well and truly left the nest, middle son has the girlfriend and I barely see him alone anymore but it's all part of growing up. You've done your job of raising him to do his own thing.

NoahVale Mon 27-Jun-16 09:52:29

thanks folks.
i know i have done my job
i guess it feels that it would be easier when and if they actually leave. not this half hearted back and forth.

gamerchick Mon 27-Jun-16 09:56:25

It's the half way thing, it's better to have one foot out of the door and be sure before leaving than jump into something and regretting it later.

You could paint his room pink or something if you want to give him a shove.

MatildaTheCat Mon 27-Jun-16 10:13:47

I have young adult sons but I am struggling a bit to see your point of view. In your place I'd be encouraging him to move out and get on with his adult life if he can afford it. Ok, the relationship might not work and he may come home but hey, that's also all right.

Are you missing the intimacy you used to have with him? You sound rather as if you view his gf as competition for his time and affection. If so, catch a hold of yourself because you won't win and they will resent you.

Stand back and let him do his thing. Do you have other interests you can focus on and enjoy? Adult kids are great but it is different and that's how it should be.

NoahVale Mon 27-Jun-16 10:27:47

i dont know
between the gf wanting her parents house vs this house.
i am more than happy to have them here. but feel she has him under her thumb, and I feel judged, and lacking.

but it is not wholly about that. i do miss him here and feel bad
also his ds, my dd, is leaving soon, which is a whole other thread, and of course no doubt I am in menopause, through menopause, or whichever stage, probably making things worse.

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