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Needs lots of advice

(12 Posts)
sarah48999 Mon 27-Jun-16 08:46:59

I last post a thread on here about an emotionally abusive partner.
I had a baby one year ago , I went back the work full time to a new in March and things have gone down hill since then . My partner left in March to live back with his mum 35 miles away ( he works near his mum too ) in effect i first thought we was breaking up but I've been in limbo . He comes down says he wants it to work says he wants to be a family but then goes back to his mums the next day . He's Jekyll and Hyde , I never knew what mood he was going to be in and for a couple of days he would come I would feed him and then he buffer of for so many days thinking this was totally normal

We had a row the other day anyway and I asked him to start respect me . I said I just wanted to know now what was happening were we moving forward or separating because it's horrible being in limbo and we needed to sort things out financially to . He stated he didn't know what I was talking about his mum had already changed her council tax three months ago ... But followed this up with I wanted us to
Be a family .

So we're seperated
We had the little ones 1st birthday party all his family was invited including his mum . And he was coming too. He came a couple of hours early and took out on his own for 2 hours from 11 . Before the party he told me by text all his family hated me and not to bother speaking to them he said they were here for him ( I had invited them all through fb months ago ) it was so awkward on the day I tried my best to speak to his friends and family , who were all nice , but they could odviously tell it was abit awkward . Every time I tried to get to my son , he told me to go away and leave him alone . That he was dealing with him . Or I didn't need to be in that room . When I was talking to his family at the end of the day . He can him and asked to speak to me in the kitchen now !

He said I shouldn't be speaking to his family and stated he was taking my youngest to his mums house it was now 6:30 pm

I told him it can't happen . His mum had every possibility to be here . He said she didn't want to see me or my family but she had the chance to come before the party with him and spend time with him elsewhere and she didn't

He left my house and then I sat down with my two children to open my youngest presents and they were missing . I rang him and he said he had taken them all because his family had given them . !!!

That's my rant over
My youngest has now started nursery I work full time ... 37 hours . He works 6-7 days a week ) because he consumed by his job - manager ) he keeps changing the goal post in terms of assess , he was demanding him 2 days , then 4 , then 6 ... It's hard because I know he's taking him from me to give to his mum just to spite me . I want to be fair but no matter what I agree too he wants more . What is suitable weekly assess

Sorry if all doesn't make sense

MatildaTheCat Mon 27-Jun-16 10:21:48

I am going to give you some advice since you've asked for it. Take control back from this nasty man. Now you have finally separated officially you only need to communicate about access and finances. If you cannot agree you will need legal advice.

It does sound very galling that he wants to take the baby to his mum but unfortunately that's his right, I guess. Stop trying to accommodate him so much. You can speak to whoever you like. His family will probably side with him but gather the support you do have and get tough. He's treated you like a doormat and you have allowed it rather.

Good luck. Others will have more advice on the practicalities of arranging access.

TheNaze73 Mon 27-Jun-16 10:44:58

In total agreement with Matilda OP. Good luck

Nivea101 Mon 27-Jun-16 10:56:11

In total agreement with Matilda. Don't be a doormat.

You say he sleeps over then stays for a few days. I suppose sex is involved in this sleep over? Then when he's fed up of the kids fighting or it all gets on top of him, the family life, he goes back to his mum who probably still cooks his meals and does his washing and ironing.

What a life of Riley he's living eh?

sarah48999 Mon 27-Jun-16 23:23:52

No sex was only involved for two weeks of the last three month .
And yep I do need to stop
Being a doormat .

It so difficult , after raging about having him he's now got reasons why he can have him tomorrow , and the next .

Gosh . I never wanted it to end up like this ... But I do know this needs to happen

coco1810 Mon 27-Jun-16 23:30:06

Agree with Matilda you need to take back control. Sit down with your diary, work out what is best for you and DC in regards to visitation and inform him this is what is best. If he won't accept it,go to mediation. He will not be able to bully you there anyway.

sarah48999 Mon 27-Jun-16 23:30:17

Why he can't have him tomorrow
And the next I meant

SandyY2K Mon 27-Jun-16 23:32:39

Please stop letting this man treat you so badly. You need to sort out formal visitation and don't allow him to come and go as he pleases.

Seek advice from the CAB if necessary but the abuse must end now.

sarah48999 Mon 27-Jun-16 23:37:32

But I don't even know where I stand?
What's acceptable terms of access
For the father ?
He's told me he's taking me to
Court - I don't bloody know why . I
Can only
With him by text ( I odviously know
Why he wants that . Last month he said he want an overnight trip without Me . Just Him and kids . He turned his phone off and didn't contact me until later afternoon , despite me contacting his mum to get him on his works phone ( which I wasn't allowed number to )

I'm scarred this sort of stuff would happen again

sarah48999 Mon 27-Jun-16 23:40:58

I'm not going to continue , I've tried and tried . I don't think he likes me , I think he hates me , he's always so angry and grumpy . ive been with him 4 years , I wanted things work out ... But I know it won't

Nivea101 Tue 28-Jun-16 06:52:02

My DD and her H split up when their children were 6 months old and the other was 4 years old. Since then he has had the children every other weekend. This arrangement is until they are old enough to decide for themselves what they want to do, ie 16 or so.

coco1810 Tue 28-Jun-16 09:10:09

Turning off his phone when he has your DC is absolutely bloody disgusting and out of order! He is playing with your head, and I am sorry to say it sounds like he's getting a kick out of it. You need to lawyer up asap.

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