Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

EA ex has announced his engagement and now i'm getting flashbacks

(5 Posts)
Emochild Mon 27-Jun-16 00:05:09

We split up 6 years ago -I have no regrets splitting from him and have never wanted him back

With hindsight I was a project for him -he was much older than me, I had a poor relationship with my family, had recently moved to a town where I didn't know anyone and had really poor self esteem
His fiancé also seems to be a project of his and they unofficially moved in together after 4 dates

I've been single since we split -I convince myself that this is through choice but really it's that I don't trust myself to be able to judge someone's character

We have 2 children together, 1 with ASD
He doesn't bother with our oldest and only sees the youngest once a month or so

He's only been with his fiancé for 5 months and only our youngest has met her -once
He announced his news to them via a text to the youngest (12 year old)

I've dealt with the dc's reactions but now i'm trying to deal with mine
I've been trying to get to sleep for the last hour but every time I close my eyes I see his face looming over me -I don't feel comfortable in my own bedroom as I see him everywhere
I keep thinking about how controlling he was and agonising over why can't she see it -it's absolutely nothing to do with me!
They are moving in to a house 5 minutes away from me, I bump into them at the corner shop, the supermarket -everywhere
And I turn into a wreck or turn the other way to avoid them

I don't want to come across as the bitter/jealous ex so can't talk to anyone about what's going in in my head -but the fear, the feeling like i'm on eggshells again, are very real

Why am I feeling like this?

Emochild Mon 27-Jun-16 08:57:51

Barely slept, brave face applied for the morning school run but now I've got nothing to focus on

minniewinnie Mon 27-Jun-16 09:08:37

Hi emochild. Hope you're holding up. I'm not going to be much use to you as I've never been in this type of relationship. The only experience I've had is through my sister who spilt from her EA ex about 5 years ago. I know she is still extremely affected by the crap he put her through and although she is trying to find someone to share her life with she has massive trust issues. Her ex also doesn't see his children and when he did tried to use them as a tool to control DSis life. If her ex lived anywhere near her she would go into total melt down mode too - you are not alone there! If you have anyone in RL you can confide in, or any access to counselling you should go for it (my DSis did the freedom project). Sorry I can't be more helpful!


Emochild Mon 27-Jun-16 09:33:49

Thanks for taking the time to reply

Do far too much talking to myself!

I'm hiding out in my bedroom with the curtains closed and keep welling up

This is not good and I think I need to get myself a massive grip

minniewinnie Mon 27-Jun-16 09:46:26

Try and take solace in the fact that he has a new project and you are off his radar - probably a lot easier said then done though. You have already done the hardest and bravest bit of leaving the bastard, you cannot let him ruin the rest of your life!! I would recommend Calms to help with the nerves

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now