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Do i actually want to leave dh?

(5 Posts)
fridaykitten Sun 26-Jun-16 22:47:59

My head is all a muddle with this so I'm just going to lay down my thoughts and hope someone can help me think clearly.

Been together 10 years and 2 young dc.
Currently am totally financially dependant on dh.
I have had quite severe mental health problems over the past year but am now very much well, my meds are being reduced with a view to stopping - ive posted before on mental health boards when not well.

Our relationship is fine on the surface, he is kind, great with kids, does a lot in the house, supportive of me looking for work. However, im no longer sexually attracted to him in any way.

I find other mem attractive...its not like i dont have any desire, just not for dh. He never initiates anything...not much affection in terms of kissing/cuddles. No affairs/cheating from either of us though.

He is obsessed with getting various diy things done but never organises or suggests any family activity - i am the driving force behind all outings, even if just to the park. I am the one who plays with the kids and am responsible for all decisions regarding kids.

I dont even think there is anything terribly bad or wrong with the relationship. I just dream of running away and having a new life with the kids...but financially am trapped. If we didnt have kids i would leave.

I feel like i am ungrateful for not wanting this life.

sarah48999 Tue 28-Jun-16 22:33:15

If it's worth saving there may be more methods to try .. Relate ? Having time out more together etc ?

If you've tried and you know your always going to be in the same situation , do what you want x
The way I see it , you have x amount of years on this earth do you really want to spend it like this , if not change something ! You have to be a bit selfish in life x

fridaykitten Fri 01-Jul-16 22:20:31

We have had a chat. Im not physically or mentally satisfied...far from it.
Im so scared of messing everything up for my kids, my eldest has been through enough this year.
Im going to stay with family for a few days to think things over but i know in my heart i font want to be in this relationship in 5 or 10 years time. It would be easy to stay, my husband is happy so he says but i long for passion, an emthusiasum for life, long chats into the night, sex that i actually enjoy. I feel selfish as things are not bad, he is a good man but i am so fed up.

I wonder if this is just what married life is like and i am unrealistic.

I dont want another relationship just now but one day i would hope to feel emotionally, intellectually and physically satisfied...or is that just wishful thinking?!

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Hotwaterbottle1 Sat 02-Jul-16 08:28:55

I knew I had not written this post but almost scrolled up to check!!

That's exactly what I want, not just a presence who does DIY, I want a best friend, someone who participates in chat, who enjoys sex, who wants to plan and do things outside the house.

I'm hopeful he exists but I know after years & years of trying it's not H. I'm now in my 40s, kids early teens and I've stayed here unhappy for them as he keeps saying he will change. He never did. We are now ...... Don't know what to call it, living together to parent until financially can move. Told couple of close friends and I'm telling my parents next week and the kids after a night away planned to a theme park.

fridaykitten Sat 02-Jul-16 19:18:43

Im not yet 30...i feel like i have time to get out and change things. But it is so hard...the easy thing is to just settle for how it is. Its not bad...there is no argueing....thrres no passion at all.

Sometimes i am almost content but other times i am dead inside.

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