So what do you make of this anyone? Too much MN?!

[sayyounevermetme]

Please excuse the Jeremy Kyle nature of the following.... (although no salacious affair details etc I'm afraid)

I behaved in a very paranoid fashion earlier this year. Fairly intense but not quite psychotic. Immediately after I thought it mattered a lot to figure the truth but actually I can see the days (years) that led up to the occasion explain it pretty well regardless of what actually happened. But it still hangs around in my head. Any thoughts?....

So.... I had been posting on MN about relationship following bad row. I built up to a big chat with H about ending the relationship. It felt like he didn't get the issues I raised at all, but his reaction felt a bit off in general. But I guess there isn't a typical reaction. He talked about a housework row, badly missing the point. He saw no reason to break up.

Next day a thread appears from a man describing a wife wanting to leave because he doesn't do enough housework. All of the details were uncannily like our life. User name was the county we live in.

I didnt engage. Thread was deleted. I asked H about it when he got home. I was 100% sure it was him and thought we would have a sheepish conversation about it being a stupid thing for us both to do. However he is pleased to produce a "cast iron alibi". It was pretty good - would mean he was a risking his career to have posted when he did and it would have been tricky. But he laughed at me and didn't ask what the thread said or why I was bothered. Got vaguely pissed off. I started to feel like he has also read my other threads.

The following couple of days where when the paranoia kicked in that he was messing with me Pretty horrendous, got medication from GP. Told H how I was feeling. That despite evidence, in my gut I didn't believe him and we had a huge problem - that I was maybe mentally ill and the trust was gone. He was devastated by this. But still never asked me what the thread had said or for any details.

I should put this to rest, I know. It's 99% likely he didn't read my threads or post his own.

but i still have niggling doubts. He knew I used MN a lot. We had had a horrendous row .... but would he really have turned to MN relationships?
Isn't a "cast iron alibi" a weird thing to say?

I need to accept that I'm probably wrong. And in any case will never know.

We'd had a pretty bad time in the run up with controlling behaviour which would explain my loss of trust and paranoia anyway. So its no longer a relationship issue.

I guess I'm just wondering, did I completely lose it or was his reaction unhelpful? Was it too much to have expected a more sympathetic approach to a situation that was clearly a huge problem to me.
Is this excruciatingly embarrassing on my part to even post this? I need a way to "put this away" in my head. To gauge how bonkers i was/am!

[sayyounevermetme]

Too long? Too trivial?

[gamerchick]

Why was the thread deleted?

Tbh if I suspected my husband used a row and posted a thread about it on a forum he knew I used. I wouldn't let it drop either.

You may never get the answer you want but the question is where do you want to go from here? Because it's going to drive you mad.

[MyKingdomForBrie]

Tiny bit difficult to understand! I can see why you thought it was him but not why it would be such a huge problem if it was him? You went on MN for advice so maybe he did too?

If he's worked out your user name and reads all your posts then I'd be really annoyed by that but that's a different issue - what are your grounds for suspecting that part?

Why was the thread deleted?

[Littleallovertheshop]

The cast iron alibi thing is a bit weird but I guess it's harder to prove you didn't do something than you did. Are you still together?

[hamabeads]

Can't you check the history on your computer?

[sayyounevermetme]

Don't know why it was deleted. I think it was the op was worried about being identified.

It bothered me because i had tried to end things the night before and was persuaded to try again - but I wasn't convinced he really understood the problems. If it was him the thread completely trivialised the issues. I even wondered if he posted it hoping I'd see it. But it wasn't a huge problem until he denied it and I didn't believe him.

It makes no difference to our future. Marriage over anyway. But I guess I can't help wondering how bad my judgement and reasoning is.

[ParisGellar]

I think I read the thread he wrote; the massive, long, rambling one where he was concerned about the moss on the drive? Imo he's a manipulator and you're better rid of him.

[AnyFucker]

Yes. If Moss Man was him I would get shut of him like yesterday.

[Misnomer]

Totally agree. If it was moss man it's not you, it's him.

[sayyounevermetme]

It wasn't! I saw that one too. It was much more mundane and only up for half a day. Not Moss Man!

I'm not really sure why I posted about this. I had a few days this weekend of wondering if I am actually crazy (sorry to use the word crazy).

And that time was probably me at the worst of my being "off-balance".

Maybe I was delusional the few days around the time of the threads I talk about but if I was it was because of his behaviour otherwise.

[MidnightVelvetthe5th]

OK well if your marriage is over regardless, then stop worrying about it. The phrase 'cast iron alibi' would suggest very strongly to me that someone has gone to the trouble of creating a cast iron alibi for a specific purpose, it doesn't fit well into general conversation.

Either ignore it & move on or create an outlandish thread about moving to Australia secretly or finding out you had a long lost set of triplet siblings or something, choose a very specific set of circumstances that are unlikely to happen in day to day life & see if he mentions it.

(Change your user name & your password if you think he is snooping on your threads :) if he is logging into your account then make a new MN account with a new email address)

[sayyounevermetme]

New MN account using new email address, regular NCs, regular password changes. Is it any wonder I question my sanity??! I think it'll be a while before I feel of sound mind. But yes, move on is the sensible thing to do.