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How is he doing it ?

(197 Posts)
Purplespy Sun 26-Jun-16 19:27:03

My DP likes to know my every move. At first it was in a nice way but now it's ridiculous . We have been together three years and his ex cheated on him so I can understand some of his insecurities .
However ... He has been working away for two days and I always find this is when he is at his worst . He knew my general whereabouts for the couple of days he was away and when he was driving home he was quite cheerful when I spoke to him . I went to work of the evening and he text saying we need to talk . He asked me where I was on the morning if the first day he was away . I had told him I had been at home when i spoke to him on the day but I'd gone to the village shop and dropped a bag of stuff off at the charity shop . I try to keep it simple as to disarm him from the hundreds of questions he asks involved in a simple trip .
So ... He knew I had not been where I said I was but not until he got home
How ??? I've got no phone trackers on my phone etc so I'm bewildered . I think there are cameras in our house . He called me a liar and has not spoke to me for two days . I'm sure it is not the neighbours and he doesn't have any friends round here well enough to be watching me . He won't tell me how he knows but it's happened before that if one thing doesn't add up he's a nightmare .
Any thoughts ?

Penfold007 Sun 26-Jun-16 19:28:54

It doesn't matter how he knew but, please, please get out

Creatureofthenight Sun 26-Jun-16 19:29:28

He's got serious trust issues and is being pretty creepy. It's his problem not yours, he needs to deal with it.

fuckincuntbuggerinarse Sun 26-Jun-16 19:30:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyStarkOfWinterfell Sun 26-Jun-16 19:31:19

He may be tracking you through underhand means but it doesn't really matter. His controlling behaviour is unacceptable and abusive and will get worse. I hope you don't have children or joint finances with him?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Sun 26-Jun-16 19:32:05

Jesus OP, this is massively controlling behaviour, do as PP say and leave him, for your own safety.

Pettywoman Sun 26-Jun-16 19:32:18

Leave him. You can't live like this. He's trying to control you, it'll only get worse.

Misnomer Sun 26-Jun-16 19:32:27

My thoughts are that he sounds very creepy and controlling and abusive and you need to start thinking about getting out as safely and as soon as possible.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Sun 26-Jun-16 19:32:33

Get the fuck out as fast as you can OP.

Dolphinsanddinosaurs Sun 26-Jun-16 19:33:21

The how is not the issue, the fact that he is doing this at all is the problem. How on earth do you live with this??

Boiledfart Sun 26-Jun-16 19:34:27

Why did you lie about where you had been?

penisbeakerlaminateflooringetc Sun 26-Jun-16 19:34:31

Has he got your iTunes password?

Flacidunicorn Sun 26-Jun-16 19:35:46

My DP likes to know my every move. At first it was in a nice way

No it wasn't "in a nice way" sorry, it was in a controling arsehole way and you minimised it and let him do it. Now it's escalated to something obsessive by the sound of it.

The absolute safest thing you can do is leave and leave now.

On a practical level though, if there are cameras there will need to be a recording device. Is there a cupboard that's his? A room you're not allowed in? A PC that you're not allowed near? A loft you rarely enter?
Look for a small device that looks like a DVD player without a disc drawer.

Purplespy Sun 26-Jun-16 19:37:50

I've lived with it subtly really it's only the last couple of months I've felt it's not right . I can't explain it but it's just crept up but when I think back there are lots of incidences where I've overlooked it as our relationship has been so good . But it's all gone very sinister . I have no joint anything with him apart Fromm pay half to bills mortgage etc . I have a child to my ex

WellErrr Sun 26-Jun-16 19:37:56

Run now and run fast.

Extremely creepy and worrying behaviour.

WellErrr Sun 26-Jun-16 19:38:51

No kids or other entanglements? Just leave.

Don't give him warning though, and don't tell him when you're alone.

Misnomer Sun 26-Jun-16 19:39:10

Why did you lie about where you had been?

The op has already explained this but it's actually irrelevant. She shouldn't have to account for her every move.

Redisthenewblack Sun 26-Jun-16 19:39:28

Does he have access to your phone? There may be nothing downloaded on it, but I recently found out if I have my gps activated it stores on my phone where I have been under 'location settings'.

GinSoakedWhore Sun 26-Jun-16 19:39:40

If there is nothing joint with him then get out. Don't hesitate, don't look back, just get out. It's sinister it's controlling and it always escalates. You don't want this for your life, do you?

Halfwayoranges Sun 26-Jun-16 19:40:10

Maybe he doesn't know for sure and he's just testing you? Might have panicked on the way home and decided the best way to bring it up was to act like you had been out so you'd tell him?

Sounds difficult, but I think lying to him, however small, is only going to make it worse.

Mishaps Sun 26-Jun-16 19:40:15

Why did you lie about where you were if you know he is so insecure? In any event he needs to be ditched pdq.

GinSoakedWhore Sun 26-Jun-16 19:40:54

and OP, there is NO nice way to want to know someone's every move. Ever.

FolderReformedScruncher Sun 26-Jun-16 19:41:12

This is very similar to a post about this time last year. I seem to remember he was using voice/sound activated recorders and miniature cameras all over the place. She LTB and she was right to. It doesn't matter how or why just get out ASAP. He sounds dangerously unhinged.

GinSoakedWhore Sun 26-Jun-16 19:42:57

Op has already explained why she lied. Because he assaults her with a million questions about a mundane trip to the shop. She's already treading on eggshells and modifying her behaviour to placate him. The op lieing (and I feel lieing is the wrong word) is NOT the issue here.

Autumnchill Sun 26-Jun-16 19:43:38

When my friend wanted to prove her husband was cheating she hid a phone in his car so she could track it, worth checking under the seats, boot etc.

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