Long story so bare with me.
When I was 14 I met an older guy he told me he was 19. We used to meet up in his car and go driving around before ending up in a mcds car park kissing until he would drive me home.
He would tell me I was the most beautiful girl he had ever met, how when I'm 16 we won't have to sneak around and we can be together, that he wanted to marry me and have children and live abroad together.
So many things that at that age I thought I had found the most perfect guy. He told me he was my boyfriend so no meeting up with other boys ect.
Then the next few times we met he would pressure me into giving him oral sex in his car. For a few months I said no but he would say that I was the only girl he was seeing, he had needs, I'm so sexy he wants it so bad ect. So I did it and everytime I met him that's what I did. Part of me knew I was being used but the other part said just hold out until you are 16 then you can be with him in a real relationship.
One time I said no I don't feel like doing it today and we just sat in silence until he drove me home.
This guy was a junior stockbroker and had sports cars and a flat with a mortgage. When he was '19' he told me that he had been living in that flat for 2 years it never crossed my mind that he would've been 17 and couldn't get a mortgage at that age. Also when we used to talk about growing up he would mention films that he saw in the cinema with his friend which when I googled were early 90's and I doubt his mum would've let a 5 year old go cinema by themselves.
So many other things that looking back on I know for sure that he was older than he was saying.
So the day came when I turned 16 and thought that things would change but no same old same old. He spoke about me being 16 and how I could have sex with him now, he was going to book a hotel and I just thought why not at your place. But something clicked in me and I started to be less obdient to him and would miss his calls and not want to meet up with him.
I broke up with him by text telling him I felt used and I had waited for so long to be with him and he won't even walk down the street with me.
He didn't reply and we didn't talk for 2 weeks.
During those two weeks I met my now husband who was 21 when I was 16, so would've been that same age of the first guy. He was so different, more into the same things as me, wasn't afraid to walk down the street with me or meet my parents or his parents. I ended up losing my virginity to him.
I went home and cried and cried thinking that the other guy is never going to want me (because he used to say how he loved that I was pure and he wanted my virginity).
I got back in contact with the first guy and carried on like nothing had happened, but nothing between us changed he still expected oral sex everytime I met him and I started to fall in love with my husband so I broke it off fully and haven't spoke to him since.
8 years later
It took me years to realise that all that time he was grooming me and using me I genuinely thought that I was in a relationship with this guy. I have so many unanswered questions. I want to know if it was real or if I was being used. I dream of him all the time. I feel like we had more passion than I've felt with my husband. I plan fantasies in my head. I know the probability is that I was 100% being used and that he had a girlfriend that's why we were sneaking around. But sometimes I miss him.
I dont want to feel like this, it's been years now but I can't get over it.
What can I do?
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Still I love with my groomer?
12 replies
Atlas15 · 26/06/2016 10:33
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