Partner smokes too much weed and doesn't understand my anxiety

[amyc88]

So me and my boyfriend have a good relationship, when I'm okay, he's okay, but he still picks at little things...how I look (if my hair is a mess) (if I don't have dressy up clothes on). It's like he's always looking for something to 'talk' about or should I say argue about!

I've always been a long term sufferer with anxiety and when we first met I felt like I was in a really good place and was able to control it. Recently, it's a different story. I had a really bad episode the other day where I was driving and my anxiety got that bad, I forgot where I was, what I was doing and completely had a brain blank for about 15/20 seconds. IT WAS SCARY!

I haven't seen my boyfriend since Tuesday and tonight I saw him, he kept going on about how, it might be this...it might be that...not really asking me anything, more so dictating to me what it could be, which f*king pi*es me off!

Tonight I was on the sofa, and I have a bad leg, suffer with sciatica and it's really bad, like sometimes I can hardly walk, and he said to me am I gonna go and sit next to him on the sofa, I said no because my leg is hurting, which it is most of the time and he made a sarcastic comment and said we'd not sat next to each other since our holiday, I started feeling my anxiety bubbling up again and started having an anxiety attack, he just sat there and paused the TV and carried on smoking his joint.

My boyfriend smokes weed everyday, sometimes I feel like it controls his life. We got in from work tonight and the first thing he did was roll a joint. His friend rang him earlier and asked something and he said 'I'll come round tomorrow night and have a joint with you' ... Me and him were meant to be going out tomorrow night for a meal! I didn't say anything and then he goes, 'do you fancy doing something during the day instead of tomorrow night' ... Like I didn't just hear what he said to his friend!!!

I find him SO disrespectful!!

He doesn't take pride in anything, his appearance, his house is absolutely disgusting!! The kitchen hasn't seen a mop for years, the carpet in his hall way absolutely stinks!! He has a dog which also stinks! His house has no carpet except the hall, it's just all completely raw floorboards! Whenever I go round there I'm sneezing none stop, and I don't know why! Probably from all the dust!

I just don't know how to approach all these things with him because if/when I have done in the past he just sees it as me having a dig or a go at him!

[sykadelic]

I didn't want you to go unanswered.

He's not good to you. He belittles you. I wouldn't be surprised if one of the reasons you're having anxiety issues at the moment (aside from his shitty treatment of you) is the second hand exposure to marijuana.

I'd LTB, but that's only because I don't think it's possible for someone to loves, or even like, another person when they're constantly picking on you and your appearance.

[AndTheBandPlayedOn]

There are worse things than being alone, and being with him would just recommend solitude. Take a break from the relationship (very busy schedule) and see if you feel better. I can't imagine that you rely on him for much-dope heads are not really known for dependability (as he fobs you off again).

He is certainly not a candidate to be the father of any children you might have, is he? Get out of there before an (accidental) pregnancy happens.

Is he putting you down, belittling you, degrading you, diminishing you, etc, ...for what: for entertainment? What a tosser.

[JinkxMonsoon]

He disrespects you, belittles you, criticises your appearance, he smokes weed all day, and you find his house filthy and disgusting...

...and he's your boyfriend because?

Seriously, listen to yourself and end this relationship.

[ImperialBlether]

As soon as you said he criticised the way you look, I knew he'd be a right mess himself.

Read your post - can you think why you're staying with him? I can't - he sounds thoughtless, selfish, addicted, filthy and frankly I wouldn't want to go into his house at all. Ever.

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

"So me and my boyfriend have a good relationship, when I'm okay, he's okay, but he still picks at little things...how I look (if my hair is a mess) (if I don't have dressy up clothes on). It's like he's always looking for something to 'talk' about or should I say argue about!"

Listen to yourself! None of what you describe signifies anything like a good relationship.

He and his home are a filthy bloody mess but your hair and clothes are an issue for him. What an effing hypocrite!

You need to ditch him for that alone, never mind the dope-smoking and proiritising his dope-smoking friends ahead of you. The dope has addled his brain, and it will yours too if you carry on with this arsehole.

Being single is a million times better than saddling yourself with this prick.

[RosieandJim89]

I am sorry but I do not see why you are together... He is rude, controlling, ignorant. I didn't read any redeeming features?

[TheBouquets]

I agree with a PP who said there are worse things than being alone. In fact I would go further to say that being alone is much better than being in the relationship you are in right now.
I have recently removed myself from an Emotionally Abusive situation and it can be lonely at times it is a whole lot better than being degraded and spoken down to especially in front of others.
It is all the more difficult with health problems but get rid of the bully and get out and about on the good days.

[CancelTheCheque]

He is disrespectful. The only people who have commented on my appearance like that turned out to be exceptionally controlling My advice is get out of there and watch your anxiety improve over the next few months. It is not worth the good times.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

I am worried by your idea that you need to bring "all these things" up with him. These things are major major personality points. Not little things like the way he picks his ears annoys you or something.

It implies that now you have a boyfriend, any boyfriend, you expect him to magic into the boyfriend you actually want to have.

He's not the boyfriend you want. He's a weed-addicted dirty slob who picks fights with you. Stop trying to mould him into being someone else. Dump his smelly arse and start looking for someone who properly meets your needs.

[pinkyredrose]

Nothing you've written indicates that you're in a good relationship, nothing at all. Think its time to get rid, he has zero respect for you or for himself for that matter.

[hownottofuckup]

Dump and run.
It really is the only way to secure yourself a happy future

[TheSockGoblin]

Agree with other posters. Nothing you describe here sounds like a good and healthy relationship.

Do you think perhaps your increased anxiety lately might have something to do with him constantly picking you up on things and belittling you?

Also if you have experienced a brain blank for that long whilst driving then you need to not be driving until your anxiety is more under control. 15-20 seconds of not knowing what you are doing is more than long enough to have an accident and harm yourself or someone else.

Are you being treated for your anxiety?

You deserve much better than this guy who clearly doesn't respect himself or you.

[amyc88]

We never go out, never do anything and he always blames me for it?

He's the one who as soon as he wakes up on a day off he rolls a joint. Everything we do seems to be revolved around weed. I'm scared of being on my own, I'm scared of starting again, we have no children, thank god!

If my family knew he smoked weed, they'd go mental! It's even got to the point now, when I stay at his he tries to get me to smoke weed so I can sleep through his absolutely horrific snoring :(.

He said months ago he would go to the doctors about it, and he hasn't. I told him again today, go to the doctors and I know he won't. On his days off that's his chance to smoke weed all day.

My heads a mess :(

[TheRealAdaLovelace]

Do you not think that it could be his behaviour that is causing your anxiety?
Criticising your appearance ? fuck that!
OP you have said nothing positive about this relationship.
What would you advise a girlfriend who was in this situation?

[Busta]

Why are you dating him?

There are over 6 billion people in the world, half of which are male, half of those who are over 18, half of those looking for love...

That leaves you with seven hundred & fifty million chances for something better.

What the f--k are you doing with this asshole?

[Hidingtonothing]

Come on OP, you can do better than this! It's always a bit scary making a major change like ending a relationship but I can guarantee within weeks, maybe even days of walking away from this man you will feel like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders and you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner. I can also guarantee that the longer you stay with him the worse your anxiety and general mental health will become, save yourself before he does serious damage. I can tell you from bitter experience that smoking weed as habitually as he does saps every bit of positivity out of life and being around him will have the knock on effect of sapping your happiness, energy and enjoyment of life. I smoked weed the way he does for years, my life revolved around it, I cared more about smoking than I did about the people who loved me, I didn't want to do anything, everything was too much effort and I wish, looking back, that everyone had stopped making excuses for me and left me to sort out my own shit because I might have got clean quicker that way. People think weed is a 'soft' drug and yes, when used occasionally maybe it is but at this level it's as bad as heroin in my opinion, it makes you just as selfish, just as useless to those around you and just as unproductive. I wasn't living I was existing and I'm not surprised you feel disrespected, do you really want to be with someone who can't be bothered to do anything with you? Because then you're just existing rather than properly living too and you're not even smoking the stuff! Maybe you leaving him will be the wake up call he needs but regardless, you need to get out of this relationship. Being on your own is a scary prospect but you'll quickly see that it's better than being with someone who does nothing, doesn't even fully participate in a 'normal' life and drags you down with him. You will find things to fill the gap and, honestly, you'll feel better much quicker than you can imagine now. He's a millstone not a boyfriend, cut him loose, you won't regret it.

[hellsbellsmelons]

I just don't know how to approach all these things with him
I've no idea why you want to approach anything at all with him!!??
Is this really all you think you are worth?
He's an abusive drug addict and you are still with him.
Why????
You don't even go out.
He's nasty and you don't owe him anything.

Please have a look on-line at The Freedom Programme.
It's through Womens Aid. You can do it on-line.
Please do it.

Do you have any friends or family around?
You need to just delete, block and ignore this cock.

[adora1]

He treats you like crap and is a bully, what is good about that, it sounds horrible, you'd be best cutting your losses and finding a real person.

[ChicRock]

There is nothing salvageable about this relationship. Just bin him off fgs.

[mumoseven]

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/