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How to know the difference between a wobble and the end

(12 Posts)
shopaholic999 Sat 25-Jun-16 14:39:03

I've been pondering about whether to post this or not but I feel I should to gain perspective/opinions/advice.

Long story short..me and dh have 2dc and I have one from previous. Things have been great for the past couple of years but I'd say for the past year my feelings seem to have changed towards him.

I just feel we are plodding on and just parenting together, I have no desire to make the relationship any better but I don't know if that's down to me or actually us.

I've recently been to my GP and started on AD's from other unrelated issues but the side effects were atrocious so I'm too scared to continue with them but did feel better on them as they dealt with a whole other load of feelings.

Perhaps my untreated depression is something to do with it!? I dunno!!

I still find him attractive but have no desire to be intimate with him (dtd only once this year).

I suffer from anxiety which he says he understands but I don't think he actually does. Say yesterday he suggested going seeing his relatives today, which set my anxiety off (I didn't say anything at the time as we were having a nice evening) I never actually agreed to it but today I decided I didn't want to go for many valid reasons..but the reaction I get makes me feel like I make his life hard work and miserable. He just seems to think i should be up for seeing people as and when he thinks I should. Don't get me wrong, he doesn't force me into anything and just goes on his way without a verbal fuss (body language shows his disappointment).

Now the thing I'm struggling with is, is this down to the breakdown of our relationship or is it just a blip. I don't suppose any one can actually answer that for me but how did anyone know their relationship had run its course!?

I can honestly say he doesn't do anything wrong..we have our daily gripes but overall he's not a bad person, but I seem to have lost my enthusiasm to try hard with him.

I've thought about what would happen if we separated and it doesn't fill me with sadness or dread..but I know neither of us have anywhere to go..is it possible to stay under the same roof but living separately!?

I feel my life has hit a brick wall!

Sorry for the rambling and I suppose no one can tell me what to do but how do you know if it really is the end or just a blip?

Callico Sat 25-Jun-16 14:49:48

Not really answering the question you asked, sorry. But could you go back to your doctor and ask for different AD's? If they are giving you awful side affects then maybe a different type would work better for you.
Maybe the depression is why you have no desire to make the relationship work flowers

shopaholic999 Sat 25-Jun-16 15:01:41

Dh has suggested I do that but it really has put me off. I'm thinking the dose was too much too soon..100mg sertraline..

Thank you for replying..

I'm just at a loss, the thought of leaving him or telling him how I feel makes me feel a bit guilty but quite emotionless..

loveyoutothemoon Sat 25-Jun-16 15:17:29

It sounds like you need a boost and encouragement to look forward to things. And if that means starting on a low dose anti-depressant and building up then I think that's important for your well being. Then you can see if you start to feel a bit better towards your DH.

If you feel better about yourself, you may feel more confident and happier to do things with ease.

loveyoutothemoon Sat 25-Jun-16 15:20:39

Or increase your serotonin levels with exercise.

Do you get quality time together?

Callico Sat 25-Jun-16 15:22:30

I agree with love, maybe a smaller dose may be better for you. A chat with your doctor could make all the difference.

Hotwaterbottle1 Sat 25-Jun-16 15:25:59

I tried a few different types & dosages of anti d before I found the right one, the first few made me feel worse, anxious, restless legs and other symptoms. I'm now on low dose duloxetine which has really really helped me.

bubbles19 Sat 25-Jun-16 15:41:12

flowers Same advice. I think it would be worth going back to doctors to find an AD that suits you, especially if they were starting to help. Concentrate on getting yourself better, with a clear calmer head you may feel differently

shopaholic999 Sat 25-Jun-16 15:47:20

You have pretty much summed it up, we don't really have much to look forward to. It's a tough year for us financially as I'm still on Mat leave so took a blow there and are saving, even though we are planning for the future I feel it's at the cost of our marriage.

We don't have quality time together, we have 2 under 2 and aren't flush with sitters. We do have an event coming up in the next month or so where it'll just be us but I'm growing increasingly concerned about there being no spark anymore.

Exercise is definitely important for me..I joined the gym which started off well but I seem to have given up..confused

Anyone who's been on or is on anti d, when did you feel is the best time of day to take them.

I was taking them in the evening and found I wasn't sleeping well at all but then unable to stay awake in the day, had awful jaw clenching to the point of being unable to eat due to the pain..!!

shopaholic999 Sat 25-Jun-16 15:53:22

Thank you for your replies..it really does help writing it down and having outside opinions.

I think I need to bite the bullet and reduce my dose (the side effects kicked in quite quickly so I'd know if I needed to stop). Hopefully that'll help and I'll be able to recognise exactly how I feel..!! Just hope I don't push dh away in the process..he could do so much better and deserves to be happier!

Hotwaterbottle1 Sat 25-Jun-16 16:14:38

I find first thing is the best time for me, I couldn't sleep properly either last thing at night. Stick with them, I've gone from almost throwing myself in the river to normality x

loveyoutothemoon Sat 25-Jun-16 16:20:56

I take mine first thing.

As with all anti d's, they all have side effects especially at the start then they taper off but you can still suffer mildly after years. Even on a very low dose. I think you need to persevere or be very self disciplined and take regular exercise.

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