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Obsessed with this man, need advice

(217 Posts)
hunneymonster Fri 24-Jun-16 17:24:22

I've previously posted on another thread about this, but feel so confused and upset that I would really appreciate some advice or opinions.
I met a man six months ago through OD, wasn't sure whether I fancied him at first, though he was lovely in himself, I slept with him which was amazing, and then it was like I was instantly in love or infatuated with him. I saw him a couple more times and he then began messing me about, not messaging or arranging to see me.
I would wait for him to contact me and then end up messaging him myself as I missed him that much. Sometimes he would be really pleased and keen to see me but would go cold on me again after.
This happened again for a couple of months until he finally told me he had met someone else. I was gutted but fair enough if he had. He has contacted me again recently asking to see me, telling me he wants me and I'm amazing but I still think he is with his new partner and don't understand what is going on with him or what he thinks of me?
I'm just need some advice or a different perspective as it's been going round my head so much I can't think clearly anymore, I'm trying to move on and meet new people but it's like noone else compares to him.

MatildaTheCat Fri 24-Jun-16 17:36:01

Block all methods for him to contact you. He's bad news but you know that.

AnyFucker Fri 24-Jun-16 17:38:08

Good god

Hold on to your self respect and tell him to do one

hunneymonster Fri 24-Jun-16 17:46:25

Is is that bad? I can't help with myself with him though, it's like I physically need him

PoppyFig Fri 24-Jun-16 17:47:39

Tell him to fuck off and don't go back there again.
It's that simple.

You will get over him with time but it doesn't sound like there is all that much to be infatuated with...

AnyFucker Fri 24-Jun-16 17:47:48

Yes, it is that bad

He is using you

LadyofDunedin Fri 24-Jun-16 17:48:11

Been there, hunney. The poster above is right. Block al methods of contact, rip the plaster off quickly before you get locked in a cycle of this. He doesn't care for you and you deserve more.

adora1 Fri 24-Jun-16 17:50:53

Are you serious, the guy used you and is trying to use you again, I'd imagine yes he still has a g/f.

Physically need him? Sorry but there's something not right with that, you've only known him six months.

I can never understand the confusion with these threads, it's as plain as the nose on your face OP.

hunneymonster Fri 24-Jun-16 17:52:59

I feel like I'm already locked in really, for months now it's been, and I know I've no respect for myself but how do you go about getting that if you ve not been shown it? He was lovely to me the last time I saw him, really affectionate and just the way he was looking at me, he told me he's not been with anyone like me before, I'm eleven years older than him and he's a typical lad I suppose, he's shy with me almost?

hunneymonster Fri 24-Jun-16 17:54:08

But if he has a gf he wouldn't need to use me? This is what i don't understand

adora1 Fri 24-Jun-16 17:56:19

You sound really young OP.

Learn to love yourself, nobody else can possibly love you if you don't like or love yourself. Arseholes like him use women like you as you are vulnerable and easy to manipulate, it's horrible, he's just after a shag, you must know this by now, no?

He won't be the first guy to cheat on a g/f, you cant be that naïve surely?

AnyFucker Fri 24-Jun-16 17:57:42

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PickledCauliflower Fri 24-Jun-16 18:00:49

He sounds like a horror.

Try and focus on your initial thoughts on him being in love with himself - as he probably is.

If you see him again you know what will happen, you will be annoyed with yourself for going back.
Block him and distract yourself with everything and anything x

hunneymonster Fri 24-Jun-16 18:01:11

I'm 37. I do know that he's using me but it's like I know and I don't know at the same time.
As for being pathetic, well I've had some really horrible experiences and relationships, they've probably affected me a lot.

hunneymonster Fri 24-Jun-16 18:02:49

Actually cringe away but please don't post again? I don't need name calling thanks.

HuskyLover1 Fri 24-Jun-16 18:03:26

He's going thru a dry spell, and wants to use you for sex, whilst still doing OLD and waiting for someone better to come along.

Be your own best friend and do not see him. He will get his end away and then go cold on you.

Check out his dating profile - I bet it's still active. Better still, make up some fake profile and message him, see if he bites (ok, that seems a bit extreme), but I'm desperate for you to open your eyes.

Find a nice guy your own age. Bin this one off, asap.

adora1 Fri 24-Jun-16 18:03:48

Do you know have standards OP, or do you just take whatever is thrown your way, you really need to value yourself more than a bit on the side.

AnyFucker Fri 24-Jun-16 18:03:54

Come on love, you are not 19 any longer

You know no one deserves to get pissed around like this

It's entirely your choice to allow it or not

LadyofDunedin Fri 24-Jun-16 18:04:14

Come on, hunney. Why are you looking to repeat bad experiences going forward? The only person who can change the future now is you. Block the damn number, fill some wine for yourself and get on with the rest of your life wineflowers

PickledCauliflower Fri 24-Jun-16 18:05:26

Having a girlfriend already - means he will certainly use you.

He wants his ego stroking, and will drop you like a hot scone after he has used you again.
You can be certain that you are not the only woman he is using like this. He probably also gets off on ignoring women for long periods and then contacting them again.
We read about lots of men like that on here, sadly.
Online dating seems to be the perfect setting for their vile behaviour.

hunneymonster Fri 24-Jun-16 18:08:12

His OLD profile isn't active, he took the photos off around the time he met the other girl. Well yes I do just take what I can get from him confused. I've been asked out by other men but nobody interests me.

adora1 Fri 24-Jun-16 18:10:51

Then you will learn the hard way OP, this wont end well for you I'm afraid, such a shame.

hunneymonster Fri 24-Jun-16 18:27:21

I'm not going to contact him again and I did say no to him last time about coming up, I just want to forget him now.

AnyFucker Fri 24-Jun-16 18:50:59

That's good

Have you got any female friends that will help you stay strong ?

hunneymonster Fri 24-Jun-16 18:54:06

No I've no close friends tbh, I tend to just cope with stuff on own.

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