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Siblings don't understand! Or am I being a bad parent?

(30 Posts)
Hurtandconfused2016 Fri 24-Jun-16 15:37:33

Okay so I'm a single mum of 2 (2 1/2 year old and 3 1/2 month old)
I currently live with my parents kids dad isn't on the scene.
So my mum and dad take the kids one night most weeks (not every week). To allow me to have one night of either sleep or go out with friends for dinner. They put them to bed and I get up for them in the morning.
Now my brothers and sister made comments to me last night about how it must be great to just dump the kids and go out. How it must be great to be a part time parent and get a night out/off from the kids.
These comments have been going on since I had my daughter. It's really getting to me and when I say anything to them they say that I get it easy being able to leave the kids with the grandparent. Any time my brother or sister have asked my parents to look after the kids they do. Including my dad watching them so they can work 3 days a week.

Am I a part time/bad mum for getting a break?

hellsbellsmelons Fri 24-Jun-16 15:54:18

Of course you are not.
Ignore the daft ramblings and enjoy your life and your DC.
You can do both you know!?
Do they have partners?

Redisthenewblack Fri 24-Jun-16 15:54:28

You're a human being as well as a patent. You absolutely deserve a break every now and again.
If you're parents are happy to babysit one night a week I fail to see what the problem is.
My dad and his wife repeatedly ask me if they can take my children for a full weekend because they want some quality time with their grandchildren too.
Your parents sound lovely. Ignore your siblings.

Hurtandconfused2016 Fri 24-Jun-16 16:25:23

It hurts me when they say this. It makes me feel guilty that I am trying to get a life back after a terrible break up. The kids dad sees ds once In a while and hasn't seen dd for 14 weeks because he is too busy with his new life with the ow.
They both are married Yeah.
My parents love having the kids at first it was to help me when I was dealing with pnd but now it's to let me have a little me time and get a bit of a social life again.

Anna44 Fri 24-Jun-16 16:29:07

I think this is more down to jealousy and as you're living with your parents they see it as you've got free childcare, don't take any notice!

You are totally allowed to have time away/off from your kids, if it was every night out then this would be a different conversation!

HeffalumpHistory Fri 24-Jun-16 16:29:16

They sound quite bitter & jealous. You are absolutely doing nothing wrong. Perhaps they don't think of all the childcare they get or don't equate it in the same light but they're really getting no less than you.

We all need w break at times, it's great that they are able to help you in this way. You sound really appreciative of it too. Enjoy time being you & ignore what they are saying!

PotteringAlong Fri 24-Jun-16 16:30:49

You're not in the wrong, but one night off a week is a lot more than most people get and that must be nice.

Hurtandconfused2016 Fri 24-Jun-16 16:57:57

I always try to say thank you with a little thing Wether it be flowers or something like that because I am extremely greatfull that they do this for me. I couldn't be away from them every night I miss them the night I am Away from them even though i am still in the same house as them haha.

Pottering- as I said in my first post it's not one night every week. It is when I'm having little or no sleep with ds or an odd night out (1 a month max ) I don't know if that Is a dig that it "must be nice" to get one night off a week but being a single mum of 2 very young kids being on mat leave being with them 24/7 with no support from their father is nice!

HeffalumpHistory Fri 24-Jun-16 17:19:24

pottering is right, lots of people don't get that help. That in no way whatsoever makes you wrong nor should you feel guilty.
I might feel a bit jealous that I don't live close to my parents so they are unable to help out in that way. I don't begrudge anyone else that does. I hope it wasn't meant as a dig.

You'll find plenty of threads on here with people desperate for a break & the stock answer is "can't you ask friends/family to take them s few hours a week for you?"
Sometimes you just can't win

Abinob Fri 24-Jun-16 17:28:35

Sounds fine to me. I used to live with my parents when ds was a baby and my mum would have him for me some nights if I was tired or whatever. Or if I wanted to go out or sometimes in the mornings so I could see a bit if ds was up all night. I know lots of people sont get that help but if your parents don't mind (my mum enjoyed it) then where is the issue?
We used to go to our grandparents overnight every weekend I loved it, my gran liked spending time with ua grandkids, my parents loved it... everyone's happy.

springydaffs Fri 24-Jun-16 17:55:12

Take no notice of the sniping. They're just jealous and have mean little hearts.

Who wouldn't want to support someone who has had a hard time and is doing a job they're doing with TWO of them? One night a week is nothing.

Honestly, take no notice at all. It's a win/win with your parents and ignore the meanies flowers

adora1 Fri 24-Jun-16 17:58:48

Pure jealousy, being a single parent to two small children and having one night off a week is not ott, you need it, you are doing the job of two parents.

ignore, ignore, ignore.

Lymmmummy Fri 24-Jun-16 18:13:55

I think there are a bit resentful - Obviously your parents wish to help you and that's there choice - it's unfair for your siblings to place this kind of pressure - especially if they are not willing to just come out and say it directly - which I think would be not nice but better than nasty little digs

That said - my advice would be pls repay the favour when you are in a position to - my eldest sister got loads of help off my mum - was not v grateful in the future and it was all v sad and created a lot of bad feeling - I think my mum had just been so kind that she was taken for granted etc Sure you are far nicer than that -

Hurtandconfused2016 Fri 24-Jun-16 18:16:36

Thank you everyone I just wasn't sure if they were right. The thing is I watch my nephew when ever I'm asked so for instance had him last week meaning I had 3 kids on my own. (Parents were away) I offered to keep him overnight so sister and husband could go have a great night. The took him home late at night because they missed him. I love being able to help them so they can have a night.
Just have that much doubt about everything I do as it is (pnd is getting me down as well as the fight I'm having with ex) I hate when my siblings have a go about it even though they know what is happening.

annielouisa Fri 24-Jun-16 18:40:13

Hi OP I do not think you are a bad parent but I do wonder if your siblings jealously comes from them feeling their DC are missing on quality time with their DGP.

As a DGM to a sea of DGC I realise how hard is to share your time but so many threads on MN have been about DGC missing out as all their DGP time is focused on one family.

Hurtandconfused2016 Fri 24-Jun-16 18:56:39

Hi annielouisa - my mum and dad have their other grandkid 3 times a week sometimes and my brother doesn't let my parents have his kids without him or his wife here.
My parents have tried so hard to be in their life's offering to have them over night and things.
They always offered to look after the kids before I moved back and now I'm back they still offer despite it being a mad house.

Primaryteach87 Fri 24-Jun-16 19:00:54

They are being very unfair. I go out at least once a week to church or see friends friends while my DH has our children and vice versa. So actually we both get a break. I don't think your parents are being asked to do too much. I suspect it's a throw away comment and not really meant or they just haven't thought about how it would make you feel.

HostaFireandIce Fri 24-Jun-16 19:57:58

OP, they're being very unkind and you are doing nothing wrong. I can't imagine how tiring it must be to be a single parent of two very small children - a night off is no more than you deserve!

Whistlejackets Fri 24-Jun-16 20:08:15

With 2 little ones you need all the help you can get. Not unreasonable at all provided your DP are happy with the arrangement. Ignore...

Onmyownwith4kids Sat 25-Jun-16 00:04:58

Ignore them. I've followed your threads. You are amazing don't let anyone make you think otherwise. Until you've done it all alone nobody really understands what it's like. My ex is like yours. Managed 3 visits this year. I would never have managed without my parents. I feel guilty too but then think I'd do exactly the same for them. You're still their child and you need looking after and helping too xx

Atenco Sat 25-Jun-16 00:10:35

I don't know how you can solve the problem with your siblings, but your parents are quite right (and lovely) to give you a night off every week. We all need a rest.

hownottofuckup Sat 25-Jun-16 00:15:06

They are just jealous.
And, unless they are single parents themselves they are also able to enjoy nights/days off when presumably the other parent is looking after their DC.
Don't feel bad, it really says more about them than it does about you

hownottofuckup Sat 25-Jun-16 00:16:40

I remember your other threads too, you've had a horrible time you'd think siblings would be a little kinder!

Walkacrossthesand Sat 25-Jun-16 08:46:17

What I'm struck by, is the fact that 'they won't let DGPs have their DC unless one of them is there' - yet they dig & snipe at you 'it must be nice to have time off...' Can't you just reply 'they're happy to do it for you, too, if you'd let them'?

Hurtandconfused2016 Sat 25-Jun-16 09:22:12

Thanks everyone still struggling with pnd and was really getting to me they were making the comments in front of friends which was hurting me too.
The strange thing is my sister has been amazing with the break up and everything even as far as being my birthing partner so it hurts me more when she says it.

Onmyown- thank you so much for the lovely words! It's bloody hard isn't it? I would find it so much easier if ex just stayed under the rock instead of me waiting to see if I'm getting a reply to my lawyer every morning.

Walk- my brothers kids are like strangers to us. They aren't comfortable with my parents as they have never been allowed 1on1 time ever. My dad was very angry the other day when they said it to me and he replied well I would love to have had your kids but you wouldn't let me. My brother just laughs it off really.

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