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Maintaining a relationship long term

(8 Posts)
CabbagesOnFire Fri 24-Jun-16 12:21:14

I recently got back together with my ex from 15 years ago. Back then, we travelled together and lived together abroad, but when we got home it felt like the spark was gone, so we split up, but we've always remained friends. Plus I wanted kids and he didn't. In the interim period, while looking for someone better to have kids with, I had several relationships, none of which were very successful. I never had kids and now I'm too old, and that's OK with me.
In the meantime he had several relationships too, none of which worked out. So two years ago we got back together. We care for each other very much, and don't want to be with anyone else. But I am struggling. I have never had a relationship last longer than two years. Now when it gets tricky, when I have negative feelings about his untidiness, his forgetfulness, or his family, or I just don't want to see him that day, I feel awful and guilty and don't say anything. In the past when a relationship's got tricky I've just left. How do you maintain a relationship long term?

wherearemymarbles Fri 24-Jun-16 12:42:19

Start young!!! When its easier to compromise. I think as we get older we become less and less tolerent and a little more selfish and self reliant so it becomes increasingly difficult to ignore irritating habits and increasingly easy to leave.

No one is prefect so all you can do is find the best match you can.

Anna44 Fri 24-Jun-16 12:50:18

Life is too short and no body is perfect. Talking from experience it's best to just say "you know what, you're untidy and I can't change that so I'm just going to live with it"

It's far easier to except that is the way they are than to feel like leaving each time they do something to annoy you. There will never be a relationship where that person is 100% perfect, look at the positives of him rather than the negatives and the relationship will do great!

Good luck

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Fri 24-Jun-16 13:24:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CabbagesOnFire Fri 24-Jun-16 17:10:36

Thank you. No, we don't live together. He'd like to one day. I'm not so sure. He's very affectionate and would like to spend more time with me, but I need a lot of time alone, and on top of that, I find I don't want sex any more. I am 45. I have been in counselling of various forms for the last three years over childhood issues, and he is aware of what massive progress I have made in dealing with my dysfunctional family - parents and sibling. I don't know whether that is the reason, but I feel very closed off, I don't want to let anyone in, and I fear that this will be yet another two-year relationship where I hurt someone and feel like a cow and a failure.
Sorry for the emotional rant.

something2say Fri 24-Jun-16 18:53:53

Are you sure you should actually be in a relationship then? I went thro abuse and then healing and it took years and loads of time alone to hash things out and actually change. It's not a bad thing to not live with him, or anyone, or not go out with him or anyone! You could stay friends?

CabbagesOnFire Fri 24-Jun-16 19:31:25

No. I'm not sure I should be in a relationship. :-/

RedMapleLeaf Fri 24-Jun-16 19:45:29

The question that helps me with this is, "is my life better for having him in it?".

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