Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How long did it take you to move on/find someone new after a bad event...?

(6 Posts)
clashofclanswidow Thu 23-Jun-16 21:38:54

Ok, I know there isn't going to be a one answer fits all and for me, I know I need time to work on myself and focus on DD's, before I'd ever consider seriously dating again... but I'm just curious how long it actually took people to move on/be ready to date again after something bad happened to them?

For me, I have just had a baby 4 weeks ago. Ex left me (and our older DD) half way through the pregnancy and formed a new relationship soon after... if it wasn't already going on. So this was nearly 6 months ago now and we were together for 6 years previous. Clear to say it near destroyed me but I dealt with it.

But I am surprised at how when baby was born, I thought my focus would be 100% on my girls and whilst it is...I can't help but notice I'm starting to miss companionship already and casually checking out dating sites, whilst thinking wouldn't it be nice to find a lovely new partner!

Not sure whether this is just normal as it sinks in more that I am doing this alone (and truthfully, I really wouldn't want to involve another person in my life right now anyway!) but as I said above, I'm surprised the thought of being with someone new is crossing my mind at a time like this, I find it almost exciting?!

Could be for various reasons I suppose but I am curious as to other peoples experiences after they'd been through a bad time?

nooofthenoodle Thu 23-Jun-16 23:48:56

I think it depends on lots of factors and everyone will be different. For me 6 months after finding out my ex had been cheating on me for 6 months, I'm nowhere near ready to think about even dating and the thought of letting anyone into my life as a partner brings me out in a cold sweat.
The break up was the most horrific experience I've ever been through and has left me with anxiety although that is getting better now and I feel so proud of myself for how I've got through it and I'm pretty happy with my life as it is. But I still have a way to go and I'm so determined not to make the same mistakes all over again, I know I need to do a lot of work on and for myself.

nooofthenoodle Thu 23-Jun-16 23:51:54

Posted too soon. I'm working on myself so no time for other people outside of my close and trusted circle right now anyway.
Hopefully one day I will be in a place where I will be open to meeting someone and let the right one in.
I've had break ups before where I've moved on quite quickly including when my ds was very small so like I say just depends on the circumstances.
If you feel ready why not just date?

Chasingsquirrels Thu 23-Jun-16 23:52:57

For me, we were together 16 years, all our adult life. ExH left end Feb, I was a complete mess most of that year and developed feelings for someone over the spring of the following year.

abbsismyhero Fri 24-Jun-16 18:47:22

there is no time line really just be careful your not trying to get back something you have lost old is a nightmare of people who want sex and are cheating its a minefield

as for me ive been split from my ex almost two years there is one guy i quite like but i think we will end up as friends as im not sure i want more than that right now......

something2say Fri 24-Jun-16 18:48:43

I gave it a year once. It was great stress free time.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now