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Best friends dp has declared he's in love with me :(

(86 Posts)

So bit of history... Met bf 5 yrs ago at NCT group and our dd's are best friends.
My relationship with dp has been up and down for a few years due to various circumstances, one of them being his moods and depression and lack of sex drive and multiple losses in the family.
So last summer my friends dp became my friend too by hanging out with us when he was on shifts. I found him to be a bit of a pain and a bit loud to be honest and it sort of encroached on our time having chats about nothing in particular!

Anyway he started to offer me lifts when my dp was at work and dc were at school, shopping etc.
completely innocent in my eyes.
Then something changed and I began to like him more than a friend.
I am very very ashamed of this. He's not my "type" and a lot younger than me and eventually the inevitable happened.

I felt sick, cut all contact and backed off from friend in shame.
Have seen him quite a bit since in group outings and remained civil.

He told me lots of secrets that I wish I never knew, like experimenting with men while his dp was out, having numerous affairs etc.

She is totally oblivious and is like a slave to him, is totally obidient for want of a better word and loves the bones of him.

Within the last week he sent me a message, extremely long and told me he's tried to suppress his feelings but can't and is totally in love with me. I do not feel the same.

I admit there is a spark though I cannot work out why, maybe it's the attention he paid me, made me feel beautiful and wanted. Ridiculous.

What do I do?? I feel physically sick.

To make it even worse he's friends with my dp.
Sorry for such long post, been bottling this up for over a year.
I know I deserve the responses I'm expecting but need help, thanks for reading.

Waltermittythesequel Thu 23-Jun-16 20:46:57

and eventually the inevitable happened

Inevitable? hmm

something2say Thu 23-Jun-16 20:47:27

When you say the inevitable happened, are we talking a kiss or sex?

Unfortunately both, though the bit I'm most ashamed of ( the sex ) happened after a few months ( twice )
It's such a mess

Goingtobeawesome Thu 23-Jun-16 20:49:10

What do you need help,with?

Waltermittythesequel Thu 23-Jun-16 20:50:37

Hmm. I guess I'll have to shag all of my friends' DPs.

I had no idea it was inevitable.

YouAreMyRain Thu 23-Jun-16 20:52:09

Inevitable? hmm

He won't let it go, I'm scared of him texting me all the time again, I've told him it won't happen ever again and he doesn't seem to believe me.

He would literally leave her tomorrow if i said so and that angers me that I have so much power over him by the sound of it.
It should never have got that far.
Looking back I was flattered and vulnerable and hate what I've done.

YouAreMyRain Thu 23-Jun-16 20:52:45

What are you scared of? Block him

HoggleHoggle Thu 23-Jun-16 20:54:21

So you slept with your best friend's partner.

A word of advice: these things are not inevitable. They're a choice.

KittyLaRoux Thu 23-Jun-16 20:54:34

Ok its not inevitable which means unavoidable or certain to happen. It happened because you wanted it to.

You need to come clean to your DH. You feel guilty and its eating you up. It will continue to do so as long as you keep this secret.

ImperialBlether Thu 23-Jun-16 20:54:38

So you had sex with someone who has sex with other men while his partner's out of the house? Get yourself tested, for god's sake.

MeMySonAndl Thu 23-Jun-16 20:55:19

Exactly, what do you need help with, to break the news to your husband that you for months you have been sleeping with a man who experiments with men while treating his wife as a slave?

To explain your friend that her partners is a cheat?

To find out whether you have AIDS or any STD?

To leave your marriage and settle down with a highly experimenting man?

To find out how to re connect yourself with your brain?

Honeyandfizz Thu 23-Jun-16 20:55:35

I think you do your 'best friend' a massive favour and never contact her of her prick of a partner again.

JiltedJohnsJulie Thu 23-Jun-16 20:55:56

The inevitable happened. Have you not heard of keeping creeps at a distance?

Goingtobeawesome Thu 23-Jun-16 20:56:05

Scared? If you are scared of him texting you how about you block him?

BastardGoDarkly Thu 23-Jun-16 20:57:12

You still flattered ffs.

This is going to blow up big time, it's 'inevitable' I hope you're ready for it.

His poor DP, do her a favour when she finds out, let her know about the relationships board on here, she's going to need it, poor cow.

daisychain01 Thu 23-Jun-16 20:57:16

I would keep your distance and have nothing more to do with him. He is betraying his DP. He is also horrendous experimenting with other men, while he is meant to be in a relationship

I would focus on what's happening in your own relationship, and try to get it back on track.

I expect it feels flattering, but hey, you can do better for yourself than that, right? And you don't even fancy him anyway smile

Lorsaidthedean Thu 23-Jun-16 20:57:32

Isn't he the one with power over you rather than the other way around. Unless of course you have discussed it with your dp and he agrees that shagging his friend was inevitable.

It was twice and we were careful and I stopped it both times.
I'm an idiot.

magoria Thu 23-Jun-16 20:58:50

Wow I hope I don't have friends like you.

It was not inevitable. You chose to fuck your best friend's P. Now you are all wah wah wah poor me hmm

Do your P the decency of ending your relationship. He deserves better.

Your poor friend deserves to know her P is sleeping around so much. Her health is at risk. I hope she finds out and gets rid.

daisychain01 Thu 23-Jun-16 20:59:34

Eek scrub what I posted, seems the thread has moved on a bit!

loobyloo1234 Thu 23-Jun-16 21:02:54

Inevitable - is that what we call cheating these days? hmm

AprilLoveJ Thu 23-Jun-16 21:06:51

You don't feel the same. You need to back off entirely from both your friendship with bf and her partner before you hurt not just your friend but your own family too. (Though I think it may be too late for that?)

It sounds like your dh has been going through a very hard time and needs some support with his mental and physical health issues. If you don't feel you can do that, and you continue to desire to feel beautiful and appreciated by another man, the best thing to do would be looking carefully at the future of your relationship with your dh. Nobody can stop you from amicably splitting from a partner and pursuing a new relationship that makes you happier, However the obviously unacceptable thing would be to ignore your dh and go on to have an affair.

Under no circumstances can you continue to allow this kind of behaviour between yourself and your bf's partner. It is unfair on everyone. You've recognised this (albeit a little late) and said you cut contact so yes, keep it that way. This may have cost you your friendship, but it could cost your friend a hell of a lot more.

I feel sorry for your bad to have a partner like this to be honest. I'm wondering if she should know or not, but that's a whole other degree of mess isn't it.

Oh. By 'inevitable' does that mean you already slept with friends partner? I'm not sure how your dh will take this tbh, it sounds like he has a lot to deal with already and is already mentally unwell. u

Redisthenewblack Thu 23-Jun-16 21:07:14

Have my first biscuit

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